The Promise

Chapter 26

August 20th 1941

I woke up that early morning by the sound of the radio in the dorm next to mine. I got out of my bed and hurried in the uniform. I knocked on Lux's door. He medially opened it. His dark brown hair was turning in every direction and he was only wearing his uniform trousers and a white undershirt. "Hurry get inside!" Lux almost pushed me inside of his bedroom and shut the door. -"What's the matter, Lux?" I protested by the fuss. But Lux just pointed at the radio and turned up.

* It's with pride that the German citizens can be told, that the 7th German Army have gained a bridgehead over the Dnieper at Kremenchuk...

The radio said out loud. -"Kremenchuk?" I looked confused at Lux. "It's in Ukraine." Lux explained. "The second mass round-up of Jews in Paris is also happening." Lux said quietly. -"What? Why?" I felt my heart beginning to pound faster. "Gestapo ordered it." Lux lifted his shoulders. "It's happening, Engel." Lux  said. Then he began putting his uniform shirt on. "We need to go to work, Engel." Lux reminded me. But all I could think about was Isabel. I turned around and left Lux's bedroom without a goodbye.

I rushed speechless to the postoffice. The postoffice was empty, expect from one behind the desk who was filling paper. "Dove." I whispered the elderly man in his ear. The elderly man didn't look at me, just waved me closer. "In storage 2" Was all the elderly man whispered back. I went to the back. Walked two doors pass and entered. Elmar was standing with his back to me. He looked, like he was helping someone again hiding in a cotton bag. Elmar turned around and saw me. "Have you heard, Anton?" Elmar asked. I nodded. "What do you think they'll do with the Jews in Paris?" Elmar asked worried. -"I have no idea." I replied, like a robot. My thoughts somewhere completely different.

❦

After our morning delivery and setting off a Jewish man on the road side, we drove back in silence. As we entered the gates and drove to the postoffice, a Jewish boy came running out of the postoffice. He couldn't be much older than 8. The boy had curly half long brown hair. Ran ahead of the car and shouted, that there was a letter for Herr A. Engel. Elmar stopped the van by the postoffice and I stepped out of the van. The boy stopped shouting and looked up at me. "Bist du Herr A. Engel?" The boy asked me. He looked with his big brown eyes at me with curiosity. -"Ja?" I answered. The boy handed me a letter. I looked at the steeple. It was from Berlin. After months my face lightened up for the first time. Home. It had to be! I almost tore the letter apart and began reading it immediately, while the boy was still standing across me.

August 10th 1941

Dear brother,
I've heard you're busy in the Wehrmacht.
Mom and dad are so proud of you.
I wish I was more like you.
The pride of the family,
the man representing our family name
in the war.
That's the words dad used.
Lies and Marianne only thinks about,
when you're coming home again.
They miss you,
like the babies they are
they don't understand anything!
I've finished school,
and like dad promised me last spring,
which I by the way haven't told you,
I'll be joining the Wehrmacht!
I'm going to training camp!
Isn't it great!
Soon we might see each other,
if I come to Eastern Europe.
By the way where exactly are you
in Eastern Europe?
No one are telling us anything,
just that you're alive.
Your brother,
Johann.
P.S. Mom wants you to write to her."

I dropped the letter on the ground. The boy picked it up for me. "Your letter, sir?" He handed me the letter, but I had frozen. The Wehrmacht! But Johann was only 16!? I didn't know, if I should shout at someone or simply scream. Pull myself in the hair or kick something. "Anton?" Suddenly Elmar stood next to me and touched me on the shoulder. I looked frightened at Elmar. I pointed at the letter. "They're insane!" I stuttered. Elmar took the letter from the boy. Elmar read the letter and then looked chocked at me. "Your little brother? How old is he?" Elmar asked. "16." I said quietly. My little brother. To him I was a hero - the man in the family, who was representing our family's name. A pride to our parents. To our country. I was the SS-officer, Johann's big brother. His role model. If only Johann knew. Elmar clapped me on the shoulder. "Listen, other's brothers have been recruited too. It's normal by now, Anton." I looked chocked at Elmar. -"Normal!?" I shouted. -"He's 16!" I shouted and left.

❦

I went to my outpost on the market place. My duty was to guard the inmates and remain order. I sat down on the grassy ground. I didn't care, that it usually only was the inmates, who sat directly on the ground. I loved summer and to sit in the grass, and for just a minute to pretend I was somewhere else. Anywhere, but here. I took a notebook and a pen up from my trouser's pocket. Then I began writing for the first time in months.

August 20th 1941

Dear Isabel,
It's been months that I haven't written to you.
I'm a deserter. I haven't just despited my nation by hiding you, but also something else now. I can't write it to you in a letter. But I'll tell you all about it, when I return to Germany. Pray it will be soon.
Anton.

Then I tore the page out of my notebook, folded the paper and put it in my pocket. I began writing a new letter.

August 20th 1941

Dear Mom,
Is it true, that Johann is joining the Wehrmacht? Are you insane????!!!"

The words crawled out of me onto the paper. I tore the page out of my notebook and torn it to pieces. Then a started a third letter.

August 20 1941

Dear Johann,
I forbid you to join the Wehrmacht,
they are all liars!!!

I torn the piece of paper too and threw the pieces away. I wanted to explode. Just explode to hope to die or escape to anywhere, but here. I'd rather die by now, than having to watch my brother joining the Wehrmacht. No. I draw my limit here. Yet I was helpless and I knew it. I couldn't do anything, it was out of my hands. All I could do was to stand by and watch this disaster unfold itself. I bite my tongue. How was I suppose to watch this happing in front of me?