The Promise

Chapter 19

December 25th 1940,
Warsaw Ghetto, Poland

It was Christmas Morning. I woke up in my barrack, feeling mostly like staying in bed, until this nightmare was over. Every day there were staving people. Children, women and men. There was no exception. I looked outside of my tiny window, out on the streets of the Ghetto. It was horrible. The snow had begun to fall. I saw fragile people with nothing to wear, but what they stood in. Some was lucky enough to have clothing for the weather. My eyes catched the blond girl, who Linus has pointed at a few days earlier. She was still as fragile, skinny and her dress was still torn. She was awfully dirty. Her blond hair was almost brown. She had no coat, blanket or anything to cover herself with. I turned around. Looked at my bed, then the tiny closet. I hurried to the closet and almost torn the closet apart by opening it. My eyes looked desperately around in the closet. A fresh white shirt, panties and yes! I grasped onto my winter coat. I ran out of my barrack to the street. It was horribly cold, but I'd rather freeze to death, then watch this girl dying. I stopped up on the street, as I saw other officers guardian around in the streets. I took on my coat to cover my actual mission. I looked myself over the shoulder, waited for the right moment to approach the girl and give her my coat. The guards began laughing together. Then they suddenly left. I approached the girl as carefully as I could. I knew she must be scared of me, if she saw me approaching her. The girl saw me. Her brown eyes was wet and I saw the fear in her eyes. I took off my coat.
-"Take it." I said with some distance from her. I had handed out the coat for her in my stretched arm. The girl looked, like she thought I would hurt her. Then I remembered the dried blood down her knees, from the other day. I looked down at her legs. The blood was still there. I swallowed my sorrow for her.
-"Take it. I won't rape you. The coat is your's and I won't ever talk or look at you again. I swear." I handed her my coat again. The girl took the coat with a shaking hand. Her nails was completely black. Then I turned around and walked away from her.

I entered the post office. The two Jewish administers has at least some warmer clothing on. One of them had a knitted cardigan and the other one had a scarf along with a jacket on. I nodded at them both.
-"Have any exportations come through, this morning?" I asked them both. The one with the cardigan and a pair of round glasses looked worried at the other administrator. Then he looked up at me.
-"No, sir. But there's expected a delivery of the Christmas dinner later today." The Administrator replied quietly.
-"Alright, thank you." I smiled and walked outside the post office. I sat on the stairs again. I took my notebook from my inner pocket on my uniform. I thought of my family. I wondered whether my parents could afford a carp. The traditional German Christmas Eve meal. It was this fish, I had hardly never tasted. We could never afford one. But now I was in the army and sent money home, perhaps my siblings could enjoy a real Christmas meal. I smiled of the thought. I hoped so. I thought of writing home to my mother, but could I tell? That I was in a Ghetto in Poland, where people starved, froze, was abused, killed and raped? That I was happy for being here and that I wished her a happy Christmas? I sighed. I thought of Isabell. She would have died of frightens, if she had known of this place. I threw my notebook down in the snow. I looked angrily, but mostly hurt away. Someone approached me, but I couldn't have cared less.
-"Anton are alright, man?" Philip's familiar voice said. I turned around and looked up at Philip. He was wearing the same standard coat, as I was given, but I gave to the blond girl.
-"I'm fine, Philip." I tried to raise my mood.
-"Where's your coat, man? Aren't you freezing to death?" Philip laughed sarcastic. Within I rolled my eyes.
-"I lost it. Besides, I'm not freezing." I swept Philip's comment away.
-"Sorry, viking. I forget you had Danish origins." Philip smiled even more sarcastic, than before. I sighed.
-"I gave it away." I got up from the stairs. Philip's eyes widened.
-"You did what?" Philip looked confused at me. I walked down the stairs.
-"You heard me, Philip." My eyes turned hard. I walked by Philip and pushed to his shoulder with my own. Philip turned confused around,
-"To who?" Philip's voice sounded nervous. I leaned up against the brick wall of the building.
-"To a girl." I replied cold and crossed my arms.
-"What's it about you and women, Anton?" Philip blinked at me.
-"First there's your fiancé. Sorry ex-fiancé, Alice, your Jewish secret lover, Isabell and then this girl? What's her name?" Philip smirked at me.
-"I don't know what her name is? And I don't care. And, when it comes to Alice, then she was a mistake and Isabell..." My words dried out. Philip's smiles faded. The silence spread. Philip walked closer to me.
-"You love her?" Philip looked me deep in the eyes. Yes. Yes. With all of my heart, even though I didn't know her at all.
-"It's wrong, Anton. She would be executed, if anyone discovered you. You would be executed too. Don't do that to yourself." Philip said with a hard voice to me. I looked away from Philip.
-"Think about her. Can you allow yourself to ruin her chance to survive?" Philip almost whispered to me. I didn't know what to say. Philip was right. Isabell had to survive and I was ruining her possible chance to survive.
-"By the way, here's your notebook." Philip handed me the notebook, I had thrown to the ground, before he came.
-"Thank you." I replied quietly.
-"See you later to the Christmas Dinner." Philip clapped my shoulders friendly. I watched Philip as he entered out on the street and disappeared around the corner. I thought of the delivery of the Christmas food later. Now I knew, that it was only for the officers and not the prisoners in the Ghetto. Suddenly I wasn't at all looking forward to it or felt hungry anymore.

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I inspected the arrival of the Christmas food later, that day. It was two wood boxes. My green uniform was covered in snow and my platin blond hair, already reminded a bit of the snow's pale color. At 6 pm, all the officers to called to one of the biggest apartments in the Ghetto, which already was the officer's apartment. I entered through the open door on 3rd floor in the apartment. There was already many officers, who was laughing, drinking and singing old German folksongs. I knew all of the folksongs, but I kept a low profile. Pierre smiled through the room and waved at me to come over. Pierre stood with a beer in the left hand and around Philip, Linus and two officers I didn't know. I approached them and sent them an awkward smile. -"Merry Christmas, Anton!" Pierre hugged me, before I could react.
-"Merry Christmas, Pierre." I replied.
-"You look, like you could use one of those, Anton?" Philip handed me a beer.
-"Thank you." I took the beer.
-"May I introduce you to, August Scherler and Erik Falck. August and Erik, this is Anton Engel, my best friend." Pierre put a arm around my shoulder and smiled proudly at the other officers. I looked stunned at Pierre. I couldn't believe how proud Pierre was to be my best friend. That he called me his best friend. A wide smile appeared on my lips. I was proud of being Pierre's friend. I was proud to be a part of his life and to belong somewhere with someone.
-"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Engel. We've heard so much about you." Mr. Scherler handed me his hand. I took it.
Mr. Scherler was as tall, as me. Had thick brown hair, blue eyes and was trained.
-"You have, Mr. Scherler?" I looked surprised at him.
-"We all have, Mr. Engel. Pierre brags about you all the time." Mr. Falck interfered. I looked into Mr. Falck's ice blue eyes. They was cold and hard. His hair was black and cut short. He was about 3 inches lower than me.
-"Don't overdramatise, Erik!" Pierre laughed.
-"But you do." Mr. Falck looked at Pierre with a smirk. Suddenly a officer of higher range, than me, asked us all to join the long table and dine.
-"Sit here, Anton?" Pierre has already sat down and was waiting for me to sit next to him. Philip looked confused up at me from his sit.
-"What's the matter, Engel?" Mr. Falck said smirky and put a hand on my shoulders.
-"Nothing. Excuse me, I'm not hungry." I pulled myself free from Mr. Falck's hand and rushed out of the apartment. I rushed down the stairs, passing by Severin, who was smoking.
-"Where are you going, Anton?" Severin shouted after me, while I kept rushing down the stairs. I grabbed onto the apartment's door and stepped out in the snow. I raised my hands up and opened them. The snow felt down in my palms. I closed my hands and felt the cold melting in my hands. Then I pulled my notebook out of my uniform's inner pocket. I walked across the streets and sat down in the snow, underneath a street lamp.

December 25th 1940

Dear Isabell,
Merry Christmas.

I looked down at my notebook. I didn't know what else to say. Merry Christmas. Wasn't it bullshit to write, when her family was in the hands of the Gestapo and I was a Nazi officer writing to her, who was Jewish? I ripped the page out of the notebook and torn it apart. I was such an idiot. What was I doing?

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