Forever Alone // Carl Grimes (The Walking Dead)

Chapter 31

It intrigued me, somewhere so secluded, away from everywhere else. There were no signs telling people to go there, they were smart. It could be bad, or it could be good. Perhaps they were good people, but I was running out of options fast. I jogged down the hill, getting closer to the walled safehaven. I ran through the trees, right up to the metal fences.

I wouldn't let myself feel joy, not after what I just went through. I'll let myself feel hopeful, maybe I'll be safe. Maybe I'll find Carl, maybe. I followed the wall, running my fingers along the cold metal. There were no Walkers around it, which was strange.

I stuck to the metal very closely, maybe I could see into the gate without alerting any guards that watched by. I was becoming very tired, something that happened often after a long day, I was lightheaded and dizzy, but I pressed on.

I slid myself along the wall, right up to the edge of the gates. I got close enough to peer around the corner. I saw people, families, safety. Something I longed for, happiness. I grazed the faces of everyone, they all seemed happy, then again, appearences can be deceiving. I caught the face of a young boy, he looked so much like Carl, but it couldn't be, could it? But it was Carl, just without the hat. His blue eyes, his lobsided smile. Then I set my eyes on something I didn't like.

A girl. Long blonde hair, image of the cliché 'perfection.' She tugged at the end of her blonde strands and jogged up to the doorstep that Carl was standing on then she just kissed him. Just straight out of nowhere, but he didn't stop her, he didn't want to stop her. Carl wouldn't do that to me, he promised he'd find me, he promised.

I inhaled and exhaled in an attempt to calm myself down, but it was too late. I raked my scalp with my fingertips and pulled the strands of my brown hair, It's not true, it can't be. I screamed and bent over, trying to make myself breathe. I just gave up, I let myself go, all the fighting, all the grief was for someone who didn't care. I let myself fall into the black abyss of unconsciousness. I could hear some faint shouting before I hit the ground and the lights dimmed to black.

"Lauren!" Carl laughed chasing me around the garden of the small cottage we once shared. I shrieked and giggled, letting my hair flow through the soft breeze. Carl caught up to my and wrapped his arms around me, swinging me through the air.

"Carl!" I laughed as he pulled me to the soft green grass below.
"Your hat fell off."

Carl smiled and kissed my cheek as I picked the old brown sheriff's hat from the grass. I smiled and placed it on his head.
"I'll be the one to put that on your head every morning."

Carl laughed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Only you."

I sprawled out on the grass and stared up to the setting sun above. It was so beautiful, painting the sky orange, with slashes of purple here and there. Carl seemed to think so too, he lay down beside me and intertwined our fingers.

"It's almost as beautiful as you." He mumbelled.

I laughed a little too loudly.
"You cheese!"

"I have to be the doting boyfriend that smothers you with compliments and kisses after all. We've been living together for a whole week!" Carl laughed and kissed my cheek again.

I glanced down to my hand that was tangled inbetween his fingers. I was wrapped around his finger, and he was wrapped around mine. I smiled and blushed, turning to face Carl.

I took in all his features, as I did a thousand times. I was falling and crashing into his arms. He smiled and stared into my eyes in awe, like he was the one that was getting the good deal in all of this. I never thought I'd meet someone like him.

Carl blushed and leaned in, connecting our lips in a gentle kiss. Something so simple that filled me with hope, and love. I don't know what love is, but I'm getting the idea that I'll know soon, maybe I already do, and just don't know it yet.

"Duty calls." I laughed just after Judith began to cry.

"Lauren I-." Carl mumbelled but cut himself off.

"What?" I smiled.

"I- nothing, I'll tell you later."

I had too much hope, too much love. I let myself fall too far, too far that I couldn't save myself. I relied on others and now I know where it leaves me. I spend too much time searching for something that didn't exist anymore and it might be too late to save me. I've hit the ground and now I'm broken. There are too many pieces that cannot be glued back together.

To love is to destroy.

"Your memory is a monster; you forget, it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you, and summons them to your recall with will of its own.

You think you have a memory; but it has you." - John Irving