Forever Alone // Carl Grimes (The Walking Dead)

Chapter 33

I sat staring out the window of my bedroom ominously. I couldn't stop replaying the convirsation with Carl in my head, but I needed to stop caring. I can feel the grip he has on my dwindle, I'll be free of him.

"How did you find this place?" I asked Carol when I heard her footsteps approach.

"This guy found us. There is something off about this place though. The leader here.. she's odd. Who names a place 'Mortis?.' It feels like a trick." Carol droned on and I nodded.

"It probably is. Nothing is truthful in this world." I mumbelled. I looked down to the pristine clothes I was wearing. My hair was washed and my face scrubbed of all dirt. The black denim skinny jeans that once would have fitted my perfectly were slightly baggy around my thighs. I opted for a blue tank top and a grey hoodie, the selection of clothes was limited.

"You should get out." Carol smiled weakly.

"I have no reason to keep going, Carol. I fought for something that dosen't exist anymore. What do I do?"

Carol frowned.
"Fight for yourself."

I could leave. Once I get strong enough just walk away from this place. Leave behind everyone and everything in it. Let myself be free, and never get close to any more people.

A loud knock sounded on the door and Carol left me to go answer it. I listened to the convirsation, it was Daryl. I sighed and stared out the window, which was a direct view of the metal walls that surrounded Mortis.

"She's in her room." Carol informed Daryl and his loud footfalls informed me he was coming. I sighed again and smiled weakly at my cousin who entered the room with Judith in his arms.

A small smile graced my face at the sight of the young girl, now about a year old with a pair of strong legs. I wished I had seen her take her first steps.

"Mama!" Judith squeeled and crawled across the sheets until she was on my lap, she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck.

I laughed.
"At least you didn't forget me. How though? I thought babies had terrible memories."

Daryl smiled and sat down across from me on the bed.
"It's not so simple with Carl."

I scoffed.
"Will you all stop with the 'Carl' shit. He cheated on me. Yes, six months later. But he didn't almost die multiple times looking for me. Chelsie died because we were looking for him."

"Lauren, you're looking for someone to blame. I warned Carl about Alyssa's intentions, but he's a stubborn boy who wanted someone to talk to besides us. He only ever talks about you."

I rolled my eyes.
"I don't care, Daryl. If he didn't let me go, he wouldn't have kissed her. He would have pushed her away."

Daryl sighed, he didn't have an objection to what I said.
"He never wears his hat, he told me that you said you'd be the one to put that on his head every morning. He carries that note everywhere. Just don't think he dosen't care. You win, he's told Alyssa to shove it."

I played with the scruff on Judith's head.
"I just don't think I'll forgive him. I'm too far gone, Daryl. You don't want to know the hell I've been through and he was the only thing to keep me going. Imagine what it felt like seeing him for the first time, breaking your heart."

I sighed.
"I'm done talking about him, because I'm over it. I've stopped caring."

Daryl chuckled.
"Suit yourself. We'll see how long that lasts."

Daryl left and took Judith with him. I'm not going to falter. Never again will I let someone in. The walls I built around myself were broken down by a stupid romance, but I know now. I'm never going to let him back in.

Never trust.
All the trust I need is in myself.

I just need to fix myself now. Eat, exercise, get myself back into my old state. The state where I could defend myself easily. I hopped off my bed and stalked into the kitchen. Carol had left food on the counter for me, which I gratefully deminished. The sooner I get better, the sooner I can leave. I filled my stomach with food, I ate slowly, letting my body process the food so I didn't get sick. I haden't eaten this much in months.

The afternoon light shone through the windows and I watched the busy bustle of people move around the town, by the looks of it, there was less than fifty people here. I sipped at the clean water supplied by the taps and stared out at the blonde haired girl that stood across the road shooting me daggers.

If looks could kill..

She whipped her blonde hair back and stomped away down the road. I laughed. The girl didn't seem in a good frame of mind, maybe the apocalypse messed with her head. I could see that she hated me, how interesting.

I smirked to myself and sat down on the brown leather chair in the corner of the room. What will I do now?

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:
it goes on."
-Robert Frost