𝐇𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐱 | 𝟣𝟪+

|9| ℐ𝓉'𝓈 𝓃ℴ𝓉 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓈𝒶𝓂ℯ

I still can't sleep.

There are so many reasons
why I can't, I don't know how
to explain it but I'll try
my best to help you understand

Too many thoughts circle my brain
and exhaust my mind and emotions,
I try to stop, but more thoughts enter

"Why do I care?" Or "Do I really
want to stop thinking about them."

I should know the answers to such
simple questions,
but I stay awake and question
everything, every touch, every whisper, every look, thought, and action.

"You want me." He told me the truth

"No I don't" I lied to him

"Just admit it." I did, and look where
that got me. He made promises that
he couldn't keep, it's disappointing
but so am I so I can't complain.

It's funny that I believed him, I'm more
of an idiot than I care to admit.

Why didn't anyone check my pulse?
and how has no one
talked about how odd it is that instead
of making Dylan the
mob boss, they killed me to make sure
I couldn't; It's just a little overdramatic.

The room I'm staying in at Celeste's apartment is very light and soothing, almost bohemian.

it feels like a spa, and considering
how obsessed Celeste is
with skincare, it practically is one.

She has me wearing any product
she is sure I need,
and even though she isn't a licensed dermatologist, she acts like one.

I'm not complaining though, the feeling
is kind of refreshing. Not enough to help
me sleep but I'll take what I can get.

Even though Dylan is getting the mafia
I've spent my whole life working for,
I don't feel that jealous; I'm actually concerned because none of my family
does good under pressure. It
usually results in screaming and crying

Dylan hasn't been treated as harshly
as I have but that doesn't mean
he didn't go through his own things.

I could be completely wrong
when I say I don't think he could
do it. Hell, I was trying to be the boss
and I didn't even like killing people.

The only reason we had a chance
is that Marco is a cruel
and sadistic prick that owns a mafia.

I realize I've probably sat on this
bench too long when the sun starts
to appear in the sky, making orange,
yellow, and pink appear around it.

The bar doesn't open for another
two hours but I have a set of keys
and wade lives above the bar so I
can eat breakfast with him.

I'm only a few blocks away.