𝐇𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐱 | 𝟣𝟪+

|56| 𝒲ℯ 𝓃ℯℯ𝒹 𝓉ℴ 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝒽𝒾𝓂

This isn't fair, none of it is.

We were okay, things were getting
better, everything was
supposed to be okay, but he's gone,
why won't he come back?!

One week, seven days, one hundred
and sixty-eight hours, ten thousand
and eighty minutes, and counting...

He's been gone for one week, I have
been stuck in Russia, in our house that
is filled with more guards than usual.

Nobody has answered my calls
or shown up here, not even Louis.

I've cried all I can, I haven't drank or smoked, and I have barely eaten,
I don't have the energy for most of it.

By most of it, I mean getting up out
of bed and knowing
I can't do anything to help anyone.

The line rings, and I don't expect
a response I've called him so much,
and each time the
line rings before going to voicemail.

I hear the beep and
I try to beg him again.

I exhausted most of my vocabulary
for someone who probably won't hear it.

But some form of hope mixed
with denial pushes me
to repeat this destructive cycle

"It's me, again- I called you every
day, sometimes multiple times,
I don't know what else I can do-"

My voice breaks, and I attempt to pull myself together "Just tell me what to do
and I will, I mean it- I just- I can't do this without you- I don't want too, please,"

My mouth dries and I struggle to
breathe properly, I somehow feel
so many emotions and not one of
them is enough to help me survive

I hang up the phone, unable
to keep my composure.

I don't want to believe he's gone-
I don't want to exist where he isn't.

Things were finally starting to feel okay.

I should know by now that my happiness will never last, as stupid as it sounds
the world doesn't enjoy my happiness.

But Aleksander shouldn't have suffered,
If I could go back I would let
Max kill me so I could avoid this pain.

All of the weapons have been removed
from the house, and the alcohol,
almost anything I could use to hurt
myself isn't on the property, it's like he knew he wouldn't be coming back home.

If he did know he should've
told me, we had plans. we talked
about our future and goals; most
of them will now go unfulfilled.

He can't be dead, can he?