Secret of the Red Lotus Flower (빨간 연꽃의 비밀)

Chapter 20

In the days that followed the Crown Prince's wedding and the Baekgwan Hweui banquet, court life returned to normalcy. Servants resumed doing their daily tasks. Ministers went back to competing to influence the king. If it wasn't for the new member of the royal family occupying the once-vacant rooms in Donggung, there was very little to hint at the changes happening behind the scenes.

Soo-yun had not seen the Crown Prince since being left by Ha-neul on the night of the banquet. Despite Ha-neul promising to talk about their new lives together, her new husband never came to visit her the next day, the following day, or the day after that. She was usually told that Ha-neul was at the Chunbang Lecture Hall, meeting with the king, out hunting, or a myriad of other excuses. She realized that she didn't have to work hard to avoid the Crown Prince because Ha-neul was doing it for her.

Initially, she thought she could use the time to make her quarters more comfortable but soon realized she might be annoying the servants by constantly have things moved around. Next, she had Yeo-jin unpack her art supplies and tried to practice her painting, only to stare at the empty canvas for an entire day. Then, she tried to work on her poetry by composing some new sijo, although Soo-yun soon found that her mind was blank. She finally understood that she would never get anything until she confronted the things she had desperately been trying to avoid: her feelings for Ha-neul.

She now recognized that the feelings that she had initially felt for the Ha-neul from the archery field were not truly love. It was a juvenile infatuation. The Ha-neul she meet there was a phantasm that she had created in her mind and that the Crown Prince had decided to play along for reasons Soo-yun could not fathom. Despite spending most of a night together every week for two months, they hadn't talked about anything of substance.

In fact, she had done most of the talking while Ha-neul merely listened. The only time the Crown Prince spoke was to spout empty compliments or ask about her father. Soo-yun had been so caught up in the headiness of meeting someone she found attractive who also willing to listen to her thoughts or beliefs that she never questions any of those actions. She had been so happy to find out that the 'Stone Prince' was so different from her father and more like herself that she ignored the warning signs.

Despite that, she couldn't deny that she still had feelings for Ha-neul. The only difference was that these felt more... mature. She had learned so much about the true Crown Prince over the past week that it allowed her to get a more holistic view of her spouse. The conversations that they had were definitely more in-depth as Ha-neul talked more openly about the dreams and emotions that had been hidden or bottled up.

She was starting to see cracks in the masks that the Crown Prince was determined to wear and getting a better picture of who Ha-neul was. That Ha-neul was bright, passionate, and cared about the citizens of Joseon. That Ha-neul had an aunt and a brother that loved and worried about him. That Ha-neul spoke to her as an equal about the plans to remake Joseon. That Ha-neul confessed to frustrations and confusion which stood in stark contrast with the persona of the Stone Prince.

The Crown Princess didn't know if she loved this Ha-neul or if she ever would. There were still so many mysteries surrounding the Crown Prince. She didn't know what Ha-neul's connection with Court Lady Kang fully entailed and where she stood in their relationship. There also seemed to be something around the time of the Crown Prince's Gwallye ceremony that caused Ha-neul to push away Princess Chae-yeong and become more distant to everyone else.

She had been burned once before for trusting Ha-neul. Until she learned more about the Crown Prince's secrets, it would be best if she shielded her heart. Soo-yun needed to be certain of so many things about their relationship before she could fully give herself. It was the only way that she could survive her new life.