Of kisses and Love

Kiss Me One More Time

If Max was being honest, he didn't know what happened between him and Nat a week ago. It was going well, reading the script for Cutie Pi, goofing around with their friends, and a minute of inattention later, he found himself kissing the hell out of Nat on his couch.

Full. Making out. Period.

Don't get him wrong. They were supposed to be giving Nat some kissing experience. That in itself was a bit strange. But it was actually worst than it sounded. Because clearly, it had not turned out how he thought it would. Firstly, when Nat had asked about kissing before the actual rehearsal, he innocently, almost naively, thought they would try a kiss or two and be done with it. For Nat's experience's sake. Making out on his couch for God knows how long wasn't part of the plan at all. It wasn't his plan, to begin with. Only his cute and foolish Nong could come up with such a silly idea. But Max could understand him. He honestly didn't know how he would react if he were in Nat's shoes. The boy was just a baby and was thrown into a pool full of sharks. Max was pretty sure he could affirm Nat had never dated before. It was pretty obvious his Nong would feel burdened by what was expected of them for this series. And the kid had balls. Max wouldn't bet he would have had the galls to ask his on-screen partner for kissing lessons. It felt weird calling their make-out session like that, but it somewhat felt safer. He understood the will to not make a fool of himself in front of all their friends and co-workers. He even understood the need to experience it as his own person and not as a fictive character. It was only natural to want your first kiss to belong to yourself. He just hadn't except Nat to be so straightforward about it. Sure, he had stuttered and whined about it, but his courage made Max really proud of him.

All in all, Max was merely being a good Phi and was helping his Nong for the sake of their series.

There was only one tiny problem.

There was a possibility that Max had enjoyed it a bit too much.

He was aware of his feelings for his partner. They had developed like vicious little vines, sinking into his heart, with no way of getting rid of them for the time being. He had felt so much guilt because of it. He knew he had no right to see Nat as anything but a cute and friendly brother. And at first, it was just that. Their brotherly bond was chaotic. Max didn't know how to be gentle with him. He didn't want to pretend to be in love with him for the sake of cameras. So he teased and bullied him, hidden behind the pretense of making the kid grow up faster. He had been wrong. He knew that now. But he used to be different back then. He used to think he had to be manly, not show any weakness. Be a Man with a capital M. But as he grew older, he watched helplessly as Nat was also growing into a beautiful and independent young man. After Zee scolded him one too many times for being mean and heartless, he tried to treat his partner better. To be softer with him. And what a genius move. The small man bloomed before him, becoming more comfortable in his skin, and his confidence skyrocketed. And before Max knew it, all the little touches and gestures destined for Nat became acts of love and genuine care. He had decided a few months ago that while he couldn't control his feelings, he could lock them away in a tiny box at the back of his mind. It was not okay to pursue Nat, and it was definitely not okay to burden the younger one with it.

Their little misadventure changed everything, though.

Not on a surface level. No. It was more insidious than that. On the surface, they were like they always were. Cute and lovely and innocent with each other. Nat had not brought up the subject since last week, and Max was happy pretending it never happened.

Because when Max had agreed to give Nat kissing lessons, he did not expect it to be so ground-shaking. Call him naive, but he sincerely believed he could separate what he was feeling from what Nat needed. He had not excepted his own need to explode like that. He was always worried about his young partner. Did the kid have enough sleep? Was he eating enough? Did he make new friends at Uni? And then, some less acceptable worries. Who was he texting so much? Was he flirting with someone at Uni and didn't tell him? Did he have a crush on someone? All of this, though, he kept well hidden. He had no right to voice them. And he certainly had no right whatsoever over Nat's private life. Don't get him wrong, he wasn't lovesick, either. He was not spending his days worrying about how a cute boy or a beautiful girl from Uni would steal his baby away from him.