𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐗 ━━ 𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐤 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐩𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐝

sixty four | clark

One month.

One month since Derek and I decided to practice for when we're both ready to have children.

One month since the hospital pulled the plug on Mrs. Clark.

One month since anyone had seen Mr. Clark.

"You paged for me, Dr. Shepherd?" The small of my back touches the wooden frame of the doorway, a playful smirk on my lips.

"Yeah, I like to say hello to my wife every 48 hours." He leans the wood of his desk, graciously granting a kiss. "You didn't come home last night."

My fingers curl around the edge of his collar. "I couldn't pass off on the motorcyclist with the rebar jammed in the base of his skull."

"You know what I've been doing? Paperwork. And you know what I have to look forward to today? More paperwork."

He shoves a few files over to the end of the desk.

"This job is just. . .I would love to have something jammed in my brain. At least I'd see the inside of an O.R.." He grumbles to himself.

"Well, I would never want to hurt you, but. . ." And I hunch over his desk so the wisp of breath can tickle his ear. "I can guarantee hot and dirty sex for you tonight, so long as you come home early."

"I'll pick up dinner on the way back?"

"Only if you can."

With a slight shake of the rear end, I bid the chief of surgery farewell.

Around lunchtime, Cristina, Meredith, and I gather in the basement of the hospital — the preferred spot for the residents.

"I'm assuming you guys got the lockdown page?" Meredith plops onto the gurney.

"Yeah, I mean, whatever. It means we can't leave." Cristina chews through the rest of her sandwich. "I never leave here anyways, so what do I care?"

I flip through the instructions of a suture kit. "Do you think Derek would enjoy on-call room sex as a married couple?"

"No. And you know what? It's probably just a drill. Or, like, a psych patient got out, or a baby went missing from the nursery. . .or there's a-there's an axe murderer on the loose."

"Axe murderer would be fun."

"More blood, more patients."

Cristina shuts close the several patient files she brought with her. "I, um. . .I broke up with Owen."

"Oh. . ."

Meredith and I flash her similar apologetic expressions.

"Well, do you want to talk about it? Owen, I mean."

She breathes a heavy sigh. "No. I know what you mean, but I don't want to. . .I can't. It's just. . .okay, he doesn't know, you know, who he loves. And if it's not me, then. . .I don't wanna talk about it. Let's talk about something else."

"Dr. Barrinski gave the all clear for pregnancy and shit. So Derek hasn't been able to keep his hands off."

"Does that make us aunts or godmothers?"

"It makes you whatever you want to be to the kid. You'll just have to take care of them if Derek and I die."

"Okay, so, if you and Derek are in a plane crash and you die, the kid is mine?" The brunette haired woman questions in glee.

The corner of my elbow digs into her ribs. "Don't start planning our murders just yet."

"I have to admit. I, uh, kinda hope you and Derek die. Just a little bit." Meredith pinches her fingers together, leaving the smallest of gaps between.

"Well, I'm already the walking dead." I give the pacemaker a loving pat. "You'll just have to wait for Derek to kick the bucket."

While the rest of the hospital is on lockdown, the three of us galavant through the empty halls.

Until a pair of footsteps echo from the near distance.

"Is it just me, or do you also have a bad feeling about this?"

"I thought I was the only one."

We enter a supply closet and carefully close the door behind us. Meredith hides in a corner while Cristina and I hover on either side of the pane glass window on the door.

The metallic beam of the barrel of a gun is the first thing I see, followed by the man holding it.

A shaky finger presses itself to the front of my lips.

He stares down the empty hallway to his right before proceeding towards the catwalk.

"Mr. Clark. . .has a gun."

"It's the guy from the elevator."

"What? What do you mean?"

"He asked me for directions, how to get to the chief's office." Cristina admits in a grave tone of realization. "Leven, the guy with the gun — Mr. Clark — is looking for Derek."

". . .I think I'm gonna be sick."

Seconds pass, and I force myself through the door, muttering a quick apology to the others.

But I should've known they'd chase after me.

I halt in my steps, releasing the quietest of breaths upon seeing the view ahead of me — Mr. Clark with his gun trained on Derek.

"Mr. Clark —"

"Shut up. No talking. You're not the man here. I'm the man. I'm the man!"

His voice rings with an echo.

"I told my wife I would be. I'm the man. . .and a man looks after his wife. But I didn't. I let you decide that she should die."

The weapon shivers as he inhales and exhales.

"I was not a man then. But I'm a man now."

Regardless of me being there, Derek doesn't dare give away the presence of another while Mr. Clark continues his monologue.

"What kind of hospital is this? It isn't safe here. Somebody has to protect people. . .from you. Handing down judgements like you're God."

He lifts his hands in surrender

"Mr. Clark, please —"

"You don't get to be God!"

"Just —"

"No talking!"

But Derek fails to adhere to the simple instructions.

"Mr. Clark, listen to me. I know your loss. I lost my father. . .when I was a kid."

His breath grows unstable.

"Two guys killed my father for his watch right in front of me. . .right in front of me."

Which turns into determination.

"I didn't become a doctor because I wanted to be God. I became a doctor because I wanted to save lives."

It simmers down to sympathy.

"Look at me. Please. Look at me in the eye. I'm a human being. I make mistakes. I'm flawed. We all are. Today, I think. . .for you, it's just a mistake. You want justice. You want somebody to pay."

A short whimper falls from my lips.

"You're a good man. I can see that in your eyes. Can you see it in mine?"

And the gun lowers.

Just when the beam of hope is within arm's reach. . .it all comes crashing down.

"Dr. Shepherd! Thank God, you're back."

The red-headed bitch — April Kepner — runs through the double door on the other end of the catwalk.

"Derek —"

The wind beneath me breaks the soundless fall, the breath knocked out of my chest in full force.

And to think. . .

Blood never flows this quickly in the O.R..