"It" Can't be Helped (Revised) | ♾️ | Blue Exorcist

5

I hastened my morning routine, combing my hair and putting on some deodorant while on auto-pilot. I grabbed my toothbrush and after I wet the bristles under the water, I shoved it into my mouth. The icy feel of the paste tingled my gums. I entered the bedroom and walked to the closet. It occurred to me as I grabbed a new shirt from the closet that I'd have to change up my routine. I could feel Kuro's eyes on me as I pulled out a fresh pair of pants, and I kept my eyes downcast as I grabbed my discarded jacket. My skin crawled as his eyes lingered on my body, and I held back a sigh. With my clothing sorted, I re-entered the bathroom, closing the door behind me and letting out a breath as it clicked shut.

I wouldn't be able to change in front of Kuro anymore, he'd see the marks. I grabbed the toothbrush in my mouth and started scrubbing my teeth. I'll have to think of an excuse to give him. Maybe something about wanting alone time after everything that has happened? He'd buy into something like that for a short time, but I'd have to work on something for the long term. I spat into the sink and rinsed my toothbrush, setting it back into the nearby cup and wiping my mouth with a hand towel.

My reflection stared back at me and I discovered how disheveled I looked. My eyes were slightly bloodshot, either from the lack of sleep, or my incessant crying yesterday. Under my eyes, the beginning of shadows have formed. My skin was void of any warmth, my typically pale skin holding no blush. Even after I rubbed my cheeks, the blood that rushed there looked forced and - if anything - made it look more like I had been crying. I exhaled audibly, giving up on my pathetic appearance and getting dressed.

Once finished, I rummaged through the first aid kit, pulling out a new role of dressing a replacing the slightly soiled bandage on my hand. Anxiety bloomed in my chest at the thought of being exposed for what I had done. I knew Yukio wouldn't spread this around to anyone, but then again, I also thought he'd never try to shoot me. I grunted and rebound my palm, going farther and replacing the bandage around my wrist. I had two gym classes today, and the uniform wouldn't cover the cuts, so I'd have to make my excuse buyable.

When I opened the door, Kuro wasn't around. I paid no mind to his absence and collected my schoolwork, shoving them into my bag and making my way down the stairs. I skipped past the cafeteria and exited the dormitory. I'm sure Yukio was eating at the moment, and I didn't know if I could face him. I'd grown used to skipping breakfast recently, my appetite was non-existent in the mornings. I had to attribute most of that to my nightmares, but recent events played a major role in it, as well.

.oOo.

My day classes droned on without much issue, and sooner than I had hoped, I found myself making my way to cram school. The day had passed without too many incidents. A handful of my classmates questioned me about my bandaged hand, but I simply said I had cut myself while doing the dishes. Technically, it wasn't a lie, but it was also nowhere close to the truth. As I pulled my key from my pocket, I recalled how I'd passed Izumo in the hallways between periods. At first, I'd been nervous, hoping she wouldn't be scared of me and cause some sort of scene. However, when she caught me looking at her, she told me to mind my own business and continued on her way. A small huff escaped me as I unlocked the door and pushed into the ornate hallway. I should've known better, Kamiki-chan kept to herself and expected others to do the same. She was smart enough to realize I wasn't going to flip out in the middle of a crowded hallway. I reflected on that as I trekked toward the gym class. She might not outwardly show any fear, but that didn't mean Izumo wasn't afraid of me. I'm sure she was.

I scoffed at myself as I entered the boy's locker room. After yesterday, everyone had the right to be scared. As I stripped off my uniform and threw a t-shirt over my head, I recalled the memory of the night prior. I had to admit it, I may have deserved what I got. I remembered how I'd wanted to rip Bon's throat out and feed it back to him. A shiver ran up my spine and I closed my locker, treading back toward the gym. I'd certainly let my emotions get the best of me. In that heightened state, I had less control over myself and my flames. In a room full of pissed teenagers, I was a liability.