A few weeks had passed since the harrowing call that left Stella fighting for her life. Shrapnel had been lodged into her abdomen which was successfully surgically removed and repaired. Physically, her recovery was going very well. She had healed as expected with no complications. Every scar tells a story and Stella's story was telling a emotional tale. Stella was determined to start back on shift, being the bad ass she is. She was ready to lead her team again. After 3 weeks off, she was more than ready to get back to her normal routine. On the job she was spot on. Delegating, good decision making. Calls were going smoothly and she had the confidence as a lieutenant, as a leader.
During nights at home, was telling a different story. She was deeply struggling. Nightmares were consuming her nightly. She was able to fall asleep with no problem in her husband's arms. Unfortunately, Stella would be jarred awake by terrors of that fateful day.
Tonight was just as the others and her frustration was seeping out. As she jolted awake, trying to catch her breath. She sat up in bed becoming aware of her surroundings.
"Hey. Honey. Your OK. Babe, your OK. Was just another bad dream. Your OK" As Kelly gently rubbed her chest.
"I'm so sick of this"
"Is this ever gonna end?"
Stella stood up from their bed and walked out of their bedroom. As she walked out, Kelly was consumed with emotion. Seeing his wife feeling so defeated was too much to take. All he wanted to do was switch places with her, take her pain away. He felt utterly helpless just as he felt while he watched the smoke filter out of that house with the love of his life stuck inside. He sat in bed for a few minutes, his mind was spinning, not knowing how he could help her. The worry he had for his wife was killing him. She hadn't had a good night sleep in weeks. He was terrified this was going to effect her not only mentally but also on a call. In 6 months of marriage he had now almost lost her twice. He needed to find a way to help her. Since she had been back to work, every time 81 got a call without squad, he wanted to jump into the truck so he could watch over her. This was new territory. His wife, his Stella was always a rockstar. Seeing her so deflated and broken destroyed him. As he himself had been through many dark times on the job, knowing she definitely had some PTSD. As much as he knew it would be hard to hear her relive what she went through on that call. Stella needed to talk about it.
Kelly walked out to their living room and found her curled up on the edge of the couch. Her knees resting against her chin. Sniffling and was lost in her thoughts. Stella never even recognized when her husband sat down beside her.
"Stella. Babe. Look at me"
Stella, still lost in her thoughts with tears falling down her red, puffy cheeks.
"Stella. Honey. Please look at me"
Stella reluctantly finally lifting her head to face Kelly.
Kelly began to twirl her finger with the wedding band he had placed on that finger only months ago. The best day of their lives. He held her finger for her to see.
"Talk to me, Stel. We are a team, remember? Whatever you go through, I go through"
"Kelly, I'm not the strong, confident woman you fell in love with and married"
Kelly cupped his wife's face with both hands.
"Stella. STOP. Are you kidding me? There is absolutely ZERO truth to that. ZERO. You are and will forever be that strong woman. Look at what you have been through in 6 months. The aftermath of our honeymoon at the cabin. You concentrated on me and my struggles, my guilt. You never processed that you could of been killed. You were fully invested in helping me. That's the woman I fell in love with. Now, you need to let me be that person for you. The situation you were in, trying to save Pryma and keeping one of your own safe is nothing short of heroic. Pryma and Carver are alive because of YOU. This would break anyone, YES even me. What you went through and endured was horrific. Stella, you are human. You are still the most bad ass woman, now I may be bias but it's the truth. You need to talk about what you went through....so start talking"
"Kelly. It's the middle of the night and you also have shift tomorrow'"
"Stella. I don't give a shit. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to sit with my wife and help her heal"
"OK. I have always gone into a call with no doubts. When I saw Pryma with that grenade through his leg. I froze. I was terrified. I remember mustering the courage to do my job. Trying to reassure him. When we successfully removed it. I felt so relieved and then I heard those beeps. I knew we were in trouble. All I could think was to protect Pryma and Carver. Covering them, knowing a explosion was coming. It all went dark after that. As soon as I saw you. All I felt was guilt. Having you have to find me like that and guilt that I brought in one of my own with me. I hated that you had to see me in that way. You looked terrified. I was in so much pain. I couldn't catch my breath. My nightmares consist of me being thrown across that room and knowing the man I love more than anything in this world was going to find me. I shouldn't of gone in. I shouldn't of taken Carver in"
"Stella. You went in because that's who you are. Remember, you telling me the same thing when I was all mixed up over Cavanaugh. You are a damn hero, my love. Yes, I was terrified when I found you. But you know what? I have also never been more proud of you. You are so selfless. Putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own. You know what I kept thinking as you slept in that hospital bed?"
"What's that"
"Just how selfless you are and ALWAYS putting everyone else ahead of yourself. Me, on many occasions. You, sweetheart are going to be the most amazing mom to our babies"
"Kelly, are you trying to make me cry again?"
"Maybe"
As they both started chuckling.
Stella felt a sense of relief. Talking about what she was feeling. Especially, to Kelly really was what she needed.
"Stella. I never want you to go through anything on your own. I have been so worried about you. It has gutted me, knowing you were taking all of this on your own. I love you more than anything in this universe. You are my whole world. Don't EVER feel you are burdening me. Please babe, always talk to me"
"I'm so sorry Kelly. I should of talked to you. I promise. I will be open and honest with you. Even when it's hard to talk about"
"Stel. Any nightmare you ever have. Any struggle you have. I am here ALWAYS. I will listen all night long for eternity. I am the luckiest guy in this world you chose me for life"
"Oh, so not just the luckiest guy in Chicago?"
"Hell no. Definitely THE WORLD"
As they both laughed. Thinking back.
"Kelly. I LOVE YOU more than anything and I'm the luckiest girl in this world. Which I believe I have said before"
"Oh and Kelly, by the way. You are going to be the most wonderful dad to our babies"
As they crawled back into bed. Stella felt a peaceful feeling. She was sure she was going to have a uninterrupted sleep in her husband's arms. As they both kissed each other and their eyes closed. In the not so distant future, now taking over their thoughts was joy. Knowing they were ready for the next step.
