After Kelly's conversation with Stella in the bunk room had left him reeling. He kept thinking 'How did this go sideways? How had I lost her?'. After Stella helped him under the bus on a call without hesitation. It really hit home, the breakup had hit home. Of course Stella would assist him. She was a professional, a firefighter. Lives of others were more important than any personal feelings she may of had. In the bunk room, all Kelly could say was.
"This is harder that I thought it would be"
Stella responded cordially and explained they needed to put this behind them. Especially with the fact they needed to work together. Kelly knowing that was all true but it still didn't make it hurt any less. His heart was broken. Actually not broken, more like shattered. He fully understood why Stella had reached her breaking point. All he wished was to turn back time. Go back to a time where he didn't take Stella for granted. After losing Benny, he had gone down a dark hole. Kelly, dealt with it in how he always had. Shutting the world and everyone in it out. Only, this time by doing that he had lost the one person that meant the world to him. The love of his life. Hearing Stella say she would never go back to a time where she felt the way she did with Grant, absolutely wrecked Kelly. NEVER, did he ever want to be compared to someone who had broken Stella so deeply, dampened her spirit. He had done that. How was he any better than Grant?
Later on shift. Kelly sauntered over to Casey's office. Holding two cigars. Cigar chats was their friendship language. When either of them needed to talk, vent. Cigar chats was a release. Casey knew his best friend was going through a dark time not only losing his dad and the regret that came with that but also losing Stella. The breakup. He knew how much his friend loved Stella Kidd, more than anyone. Many ladies had come and gone but NO ONE ever had a impact on Kelly the way Stella had. He had changed since Stella came to 51. Stella had wormed into Kelly's heart. As they set up chairs on the roof, where no one could interrupt which always signified a serious talk was needed. Casey began.
"So. Severide. How are you doing? How are you really doing?"
"To sum it up in one word. Terrible"
"I know buddy. I can see your fighting many emotions"
"When Benny died. I wasn't so much filled with just sadness but more so regret. Thinking about our fight right before. All we did was fight it seemed but knowing that was the last conversation we would ever had. Hit me to the core. I kept thinking with all of Bennys faults, could I have done more to repair the constant rift? It plagued me. It sent me down a dark rabbit hole. My whole life, when things get hard. I shut down. I never even thought about hurting other people. When Shay died. I shut down and really never gave a second thought to the people around me. That is not a healthy way to heal, I know but it's the only way I knew. But this is so different. Shutting down this time cost me the most important person in my life. Stella means the absolute world to me. I love that woman with my whole heart and being. I took her for granted. The one person I should of let in to help through a dark time. Instead I drove her to the brink. My heart is broken into a million pieces. When she broke up with me. I felt like
I couldn't breathe. I have loved her for so long and we were happy and now I have lost her. I know I need to move forward and let her move on, I just don't know how to let her go. I don't think I can let her go. Usually, I would just move on with someone else. There is no world where I can do that. All I want is her. My bed feels empty. I always loved waking up next to her. It was the best part of my day. Now my bed feels dark and cold"
"Listen Severide. I know how much you love Stella and I also know how much she loves you. You just need to give it time. She has changed you. You are a different man than you once were and I truly believe Stella has a big part in that. Both of you, took each other out of a darkness and brought one another into the light again. I KNOW this isn't the end. It may seem bleak right now. Just give her some time. She's hurt. Just like you. I know breaking up with you was probably the hardest thing Stella has had to do in a very long time. You two are meant to be. Everyone here has seen that since day one. I fully believe, you will find one another again. Don't give up on that. Stella is worth fighting for. Even if you have to take a step back and spend some time apart. Don't throw the towel in. You and Stella have been through so much and will find each other again"
"Thank you Casey. Your right. Stella is the first person that I have had in my life where I wanted to fight for. I know she is the one for me. She is it for me. As hard as it's going to be, I know I can't rush anything. I'm just scared with this distance, she is going to slip further away from me"
"Sev. Even when you were just friends. You and Stella have always orbited each other. There is no reason why that wouldn't be the case this time. She might not be your girlfriend at the moment but I guarantee she is going to be in your life, even as a friend for now. It may not seem like it now but eventually Stella will welcome you back in. I promise. All you can do now is make sure she knows your always gonna be there for her, support her. That alone will go a long way"
"Yeah. You know when I was watching earlier training Tuesday. I was so captivated"
"I know. You didn't even realize I was standing beside you. I just thought you needed a distraction."
"I did. But as I was watching her. She was so patient and calm with her. I realize Tuesday is a dog. But it hit me in that very moment. Stella is going to be such a wonderful Mom one day. All I could think about was the future and us having babies together. I want that more than anything"
As Kelly has tears forming in corner of his eyes. Desperately trying not to let those tears fall.
"Severide. Again. Don't let that dream disappear. Your going to be a amazing dad. Keep your future with Stella alive. It will happen in time"
After his talk with Casey. Kelly felt more free. As hard as it was knowing he couldn't be with her right now in the way he wanted. Showing up for Stella, being there for her, supporting her in any way she would allow was his priority. Allowing her to see the man he really is and not the man she had seen recently. Stella had changed his whole world and he wanted to remind her of that. Hopefully, she would be in his arms again. If he was ever given a second chance with Stella, he was never going to make the same mistake again.
