CHLOE BAKER'S LOST DATE

Chapter Thirty-One: Dim Sum

In the end, I don't check my email until the weekend's almost over. Instead, I spend Saturday with Ben. We eat the eggs benedict that he made, then take a shower together (ahem!), and then head to my place so I can get some clothes.

I don't check to see if my mother wrote me back,  if the messages in my inbox are from her. I went too far in my texts, but she went too far, too. I've wished for so long that we could have a better relationship, but what I said to her was true. I've never felt like enough for my whole life. Not enough to heal them. Not enough to make them happy. I thought that was my job for so long that I put my own happiness aside. It wasn't until I got some distance from them in college that I realized it wasn't normal what happened in our house. The silence. The memories tucked away. The way my parents' smiles almost never reached their eyes.

But I don't have to let Sarah's death define me. It's a terrible thing that happened, and I miss her all the time, but I have to live the life she never got. I can't waste it wishing for some different outcome. I need to take my chance at happiness when I have it.

I need to hold onto Ben.

That's what it feels like today.

So I change into something fresh at my house and pack a bag for overnight at his and then we decide to walk over the Brooklyn bridge into Manhattan. Ben puts my backpack on his back and we hold hands and set out on our adventure.

"Will this heat ever die?" I ask Ben half an hour later.

Why do romantic things always sound so good and end up with me in a sweaty mess?

"Usually goes in the fall."

"When's that again?"

"Couple of months."

"Good lord. I'm not built for this."

He brings my hand to his lips. "You look cute in shorts, though."

I look down at what I chose to wear. A pair of white linen shorts and a featherlight tank top. It's as close as I can get to being naked in public. "I wish there was somewhere we could go swimming."

"Like the river?"

"Pretty sure that would kill us. But what about a pool?"

"Hmmm. There are a couple."

"Have you never been?"

"When I was a kid. Sure."

I laugh. "I can see you cannonballing into the water."

"That may have happened."

"Maybe we should rent a car and drive to the Adirondacks? I could go for a jump into a cold lake."

"Maybe next weekend?"

"You need to stick around for your mom, I get it." He'd called the hospital this morning and she was still stable. His sister and dad were visiting this morning. He is going to check in tomorrow and probably spend the day with her. All of which I knew when I suggested that we skip town, which makes me a horrible person.

"We'll find something fun to do, though."

"I know we will."

"Oh, have you been for dim sum yet?"

"I haven't."

He rubs his hands together. "Excellent. I know a fantastic place. I'm warning you now that it's nothing to write home about in the décor department, but the food is perfect. I'm usually the only white guy there when I go."

"Why is that relevant?"

"That's how you know it's good."

I smile at him. He has this boyish grin on his face that he gets when he's excited. It's weird, we've only been together a week and already it feels like I know so much about him, and vice versa. And then there are these whole swaths of things that I have no idea about.