Dreaming and dreading letting go (first drafts)

Im tired..

He lays in the grass, dozing off. However he doesn't feel super tired. He stands up, deciding not to sleep...again. Why should he? Ahiko was here, or at least last he'd checked. The feeling was - odd. He thought he'd be happy to see Ahiko again, but subtly in his gut where feelings of anger, of upset.

"Why was he gone so long! Just to come back and act like nothing had happened!" A voice in the back of his head said.
"He didn't come back for you, he doesn't even want to talk to you" another said,
It beat him down. This isn't what he thought it'd be like when Ahiko came back...
What was it supposed to be like?? It had been months. Yet Ahiko seemed more interested in coupon than him.

He hated thinking. It caused nothing but confusion no matter what he did. He groans and hits his palm to his forehead,
He was tired, yet restless. He wanted his brain to turn off. He hops up on the ledge sitting down.

Ahiko walks down the hall toward arien, still mindlessly talking to the cat in his arms. Arien takes a Deep breath.

"Ahiko."

Ahikos flat eyes dart to Ariens. Arien narrows his gaze, and tilts his head, "why won't you talk to me?"

"..uh"

Arien waits for a response,

"Cause I...don't want to?"

Arien body goes numb as the answer hit him. But- it didn't hit as hard as he thought it might of. He had replayed this scenario thousands of times in his head, even those didn't feel worse than this.
"Why-" Arien mutters under his breath, and Ahiko goes to start walking again,
"Why'd you even come back, huh?"

Ahiko stops, and turns back as his eyes are oddly lifeless, he doesnt say anything, before turning around to continue walking. Arien feels rage build up in him, hot tears at his eyes. He hates himself for it. The anger inside him only reminds him of that dream. The other him. The other kid...

He wants to say horrible things to Ahiko,
'I hate you'
'Why did you do this to me?'
'I hope you die'
He feels horrible about these. None of them are true, yet the anger tells him they're correct, that he's right to feel that way. Even though he doesn't feel that way, he never has.

He hops down, going after Ahiko,
"Hey!" He doesn't even turn to see arien, "HEY!" he grabs Ahikos shoulder and Ahiko jumps, hitting Arien off of him and dropping the cat,

"Don't touch me.!" Rather than fear it sounded like disgust in his voice,

"What the fuck-"

"I don't want to talk to you."

"A-Ahiko-"

"I hate you."

"No you dont- you're-"

"Just leave me be, I mean it" Ahiko sends Arien a soulless glare.

"I-..." Ariens at a loss for words, he doesn't believe it. He refuses to believe it.

Ahiko walks off Into the endless distance of the hall. Arien I'm numb. He feels unaccomplished. He feels oddly broken. He looks at the ground, before back up, turning around and walking.

Walking, and walking. Down the hall. He focuses on the mindless task, just like before. Hours pass, the hall dims, he just walks. And walks. He doesn't entertain any thought in his head. Some flutter by, teasing. But he doesn't grab onto any. Until one,
A memory,
Several memories. Oh him and Ahiko. Just walking together. No conversation, just enjoying eachothers support in the other.
He stops walking and looks down at the ground.
What changed so bad?
He's allways cherished Ahikos presence in his life, he thought Ahiko did, too.
He looks around,
He didn't want to think anymore, at least if he was asleep- He pauses.
He looks at his arm, he pinches himself. It doesn't hurt. He pinches himself harder. He can ever so slightly feel it..
He goes to his face. Holding his nose and closing his mouth tight.