Dreaming and dreading letting go (first drafts)

Id be glad

Arien sat in the hallway as the day was ending. Or more less as he felt himself start drifting. He was still anxiety filled at the thought of sleep, but he knew it was something he needed to face. He needed to rip the bandaid off but it was still awful.
A pit sat in his stomachs as he closed his eyes tightly, scared of what the next dream would hold but it would have to come eventually.
It's going to be okay...
He told himself as he took a deep breath. Tears welled in his eyes as he leaned up against the wall. The tears spilled out as his eyes closed tighter. He couldn't do it.
He got up , normally he could sleep fine without a blanket or his pillow, but this time..he just needed that comfort.
He found them where he always left them, he climbed into them, tightly wrapping the blanket around himself, part of him imagined it as a hug from Ahiko as he closed his eyes. He breathed in and out, softly letting sleep take him into its dreamy embrace.

It was dark when he woke up. Of course it was dark. But then again, Ariens life had felt like such. A dark room to wander.
So he started walking.
It was ambient, as arien could see himself only slightly less vibrant from the surrounding darkness.
That stupid circus act was nowhere to be seen yet.

As he walked, something made itself clear in the distance, a small light, a bright light actually. The one he'd hoped for the most. The one he'd dreaded seeing again the most.
The one the clown loved to torture him with,
There Ahiko stood, shining as always like a star in the abyss.
He turned to Arien who stared at him blankly, he was so numb to this boy's existence. It was used against him so many times, yet his heart still hurt.

"Arien..!" He Said, a look on his face of relief, hugging Arien, catching him off guard.

"..." Arien kept quiet. He didn't trust it anymore. How could he?

"Are you- right sorry I should've asked first!" Ahiko said quickly retracting himself from arien who gave him the same distant gaze as when they first met.

"It's fine." Arien Said simply.

"Do-..do you know where this is-.?"

Arien shrugged.

"Oh..kay.." Ahiko said looking away,

"..."

Silence filled the air,

"I...I'm sorry." Ahiko admitted,

"..."

"I go and act like I-.." Ahiko started to tear up, "I didn't leave you so alone-.." he started to cry a bit, and Ariens cold demeanor couldn't help but melt for ahiko. It always did, this kid was the sun to his ice cube heart.

"Don't start crying." He said harshly, not wanting to fall into another trap Ahiko stopped and looked at Arien wide eyed,"If you were really sorry you'd tell me where you went, you would've come back. I'm fine by myself, understand?? I don't need you so don't start..."
He was cold, and distant. He couldn't trust any Ahiko he didn't know was real.

"Arien..I-"

"What? Go ahead spit it out." Arien spoke with a tone of annoyance,

"I- I found her okay?! I found her and it made me happy I didn't mean- to leave so long..." Ahiko finally coughed up, arien looked surprised, yet skeptical as he kept going,

"One day with her, then another, and I just- I lost track of time. I missed her so much I- I never meant to forget you. You were always there in the back of my mind, a-and I thought you could handle it- you're...like the strongest person I've ever met. Truthfully,"