Maya and Carina

604

Maya faces continuous mistreatment from Beckett, culminating in a Halloween prank gone wrong. Fake blood ruins her last clean clothes, and avoiding home, she wears her unwashed uniform. Carina arrives for the open house as Maya escapes on a call, making risky decisions. Ruiz, fed up with Beckett's leadership, confronts him and Maya about her well-being. Despite Maya insisting she's fine, it's revealed she's worked multiple shifts without breaks. She's immediately taken off duty. With Carina in a heartfelt moment at the station, Maya finally decides to go home, kissing her wife. Carina can tell that something is wrong but lets Maya escape to the showers before they go home. 

***

Maya turned the water colder, hoping that would help conceal any traces of her breakdown. She gathered herself the best she could, but tears threatened to escape whenever she thought about Carina and the way it felt to kiss her again. Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself against the emotions welling up inside.

It was a familiar struggle, one she had faced since childhood. She had developed ways to fortify herself emotionally, methods that helped her weather the storms of her past, particularly her father's outbursts. Yet, facing Carina was different. Unlike the sternness of her father, Carina's eyes held a love and warmth that made emotional detachment nearly impossible for Maya.

She was surprised to find her uniforms and clothes washed and neatly placed in her locker. The meticulous folding of her t-shirts gave away Carina's handiwork. The simple act of kindness threatened to bring tears to Maya's eyes once more. She dressed silently, the weight of Carina's gesture lingering in the air, and wandered back out, attempting to hide in the background, hoping no one would notice she was still there.

"You ready?" Carina asked, noticing that Maya's expression was even more apathetic than before.

"Yeah," the firefighter nodded. 

"Okay... Andiamo," Carina said, smiling as she bid goodbye to Andy. There was a hint of apprehension in her farewell, afraid that if they didn't leave immediately, the blonde would change her mind and go for another run. They walked to the car in silence, and the drive home was just as quiet. Carina couldn't help but notice the remnants of red coloring in Maya's hair — loose baby hairs and redness along parts of her hairline revealed how harshly she had tried to wash it out, giving away how much it bothered her.

The blonde managed to suppress her emotions, but when their hands accidentally touched as they entered the apartment, she had to fight from jumping into Carina's arms. Her wife's brown eyes searched for Maya's blues. She slid her hand to Maya's cheek and then carefully ran it through her colored hair. "Let me?" she almost begged. No matter how hard Maya tried to walk away, her legs wouldn't move when Carina looked at her like that. "Yeah," she whispered under her breath and nodded slightly, letting the brunette slide the sweater over her head before they both undressed and got into the shower.

She closed her eyes for a moment, feeling the hot water running down her back, and opened them to the sight of her naked wife. It was the first time in weeks that they'd seen each other undressed like this, and it nearly took their breath away. As the warm water cascaded over them, Carina couldn't help but notice the change in Maya's body, even beneath the comforting veil of steam.

Maya stood before her, water droplets clinging to her skin, revealing the stark reality of her self-imposed isolation. Carina's fingers traced the delicate lines of Maya's spine, once strong and now worryingly fragile. The realization hit Carina like a punch to the gut, a surge of protectiveness flooding her veins. Yet, she knew Maya well enough to understand that any mention of her current state would only cause her to pull further away.

Carina slid her fingers through Maya's hair, gently rinsing it out, watching the red color fade. Her nipples brushed against Maya's, reminding her how much she ached for her touch. Maya's eyes lingered on her wife's body, then she looked up to admire the concentrated look on the brunette's face. For a few moments, Maya let her guard down, allowing their lips to draw close. She could feel Carina's breath on her lips; they were too close to resist. Cupping Carina's cheeks, she pressed against her lips, letting the drops from the shower conceal the tears streaming down her face. She felt her wife's hands roaming her back, lower and lower until they landed on her ass, pulling her closer. Then, as they parted for a moment, Maya saw Carina noticing her tears, and she knew that if they didn't stop now, all her walls would come tumbling down.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, breaking away again, her voice laced with regret.

"It's okay," Carina assured, her eyes filled with concern. Maya couldn't look at her for another second without breaking, so she quickly leaped out of the shower.

The bathroom tiles felt cool beneath her trembling feet; she wrapped a towel tightly around herself, hoping it would provide some semblance of protection from the vulnerability she was desperately trying to suppress. Maya cast a fleeting glance back at Carina, her eyes betraying the chaos of emotions she was trying so hard to contain, before she turned away, determined not to let her facade crack in front of the woman she loved so deeply.

She looked at their bed, knowing that she could pretend to fall asleep before Carina came, but in the cold night, they would eventually seek each other. Sleeping beside Carina, wrapped in the warmth of her love, would offer comfort, but it would also invite vulnerability. Tonight, she couldn't afford to break down, not when she felt like shards of glass held together by sheer willpower. The guestroom seemed like the best option; there, she could hide her fragility from Carina's caring eyes. They had only slept apart a few times before, like when they were working opposite shifts and didn't want to wake the other, but more often than not, they would endure the sleep disturbance instead. Only one time, when Maya had broken pasta to fit it into the pot, had Carina sent her to the guestroom, but a little while later, she regretted the punishment and quickly snuck into the bed with Maya.

The soft glow of the bedside lamp illuminated the room as she sank onto the edge of the bed, her hands trembling slightly. With a deep sigh, she pulled the covers around her, cocooning herself in the quiet darkness.