California: *chokes on something*
Alaska: Jeez, California, don't die on us.
California: Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want! ========================Florida: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??
New York: So fuck oxygen, I guess. ========================New York: War is heck! ========================California: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Gov: Maybe a bit tipsy?
Louisiana: Drunk.
Alaska: Wasted.
Florida: Dead. ========================Alaska: *Gasp*
Gov: wHAT??
Alaska: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?
Gov: *inhales*
Louisiana, in another room with Texas: Why can I hear screeching? ========================Alaska: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed of the souls of the living I strike fear into-
New York: You sleep with a teddybear.
Alaska: He's my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS! ========================Alaska, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.
New York: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...
California, visibly confused: Okay, so they decided to put the cutting board in the oven?
Alaska, spraying New York: You FUCKING DUMBASS!
New York: Dude, I forgot-
Alaska: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?
Texas: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.* ========================Alaska: So how's the food New York made?
Gov: It's great! Compliments to them.
Alaska: *goes to the kitchen*
Alaska: You're adorable.
New York: *blushes* ========================New York: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.
Gov: Screw that, I'm not kissing any of you.
*Texas walks in*
Gov: Fine, I'll do it. Rules are rules you know. ========================California: I am not a whore, and, not that I've done the math, but, if I were, I'd be the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel. ========================Gov: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-
Alaska: A doll.
New York: A cinnamon roll.
California: A sweetheart.
Gov:
Gov: ...stop it. ========================Gov: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?
New York: Okay.
*later*
Alaska: New York! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.
Gov, whispering: Deny everything.
New York, loudly: That isn't a chair. ========================Florida: So, are you two dating now?
New York & Alaska: Yes.
Florida: Why?
New York: I happen to find Alaska very appealing.
Florida: Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Alaska. ========================California, throwing their head into Alaska's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!
Alaska, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are. ========================New York: So, Alaska is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Florida: Why?
New York: Because I've caught them trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Alaska, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass. ========================Florida, shooing Alaska away: Can you go be depressed over there? You're bumming out my whole area. ========================Alaska: Time for plan G.
California: Don't you mean plan B?
Alaska: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.
Gov: What about plan D?
Alaska: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.
Florida: What about plan E?
Alaska: I'm hoping not to use it. Louisiana dies in plan E.
Louisiana: I like plan E. ========================Gov, watching Texas do something stupid: Florida, you're officially only the second highest risk here.
Florida: Hell yeah! I'm gonna—
Gov: Don't finish that sentence, you'll move back up. ========================Gov: I think this might be a bad idea...
California: Don't start thinking on me now! ========================New York: Hey Alaska, do you have any hobbies?
Alaska: Swimming..
New York: Really? That's cool. I never expected you to-
Alaska: In a pool of self hatred and regret. ========================Gov: I made tea.
New York: I don't want tea.
Gov: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.
New York: Then why did you tell me?
Gov: It's a conversation starter.
New York: It's a horrible conversation starter.
Gov: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate. ========================Florida: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.
Gov: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR! ========================Florida: What does a winner do when life gives them lemons?
Alaska: Um, make lemonade?
Florida: No, they squeeze them right back into life's eyes! ========================Florida: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like-
Florida, to Louisiana: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual.
Texas, to Gov: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire.
New York: There are two types of people. ========================New York: Did you hear that!? Gov just threatened to destroy my lego AT-AT!
Alaska: ...You just threatened to kill them in their sleep. ========================Florida: I'm scared that when you become rich and famous you'll be embarrassed by me.
Gov: Oh Florida, I'm already embarrassed by you. ========================Louisiana: What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child?
Alaska: That naptime was a punishment. ========================California: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect. ========================Alaska: Can you pass the salt?
Gov: Can you pass away?
Alaska: Too much salt. ========================New York: Christmas lights?
Gov: Check.
Alaska: Thermos of hot cocoa?
Gov: Check.
Louisiana: Santa suits?
Gov: Check.
Texas: Shovel?
Gov: Check.
Florida: Alibi and bail money?
Gov: Check- wait, WHAT?! ========================*Florida is cleaning the house and they find an empty bottle of orange juice*
Florida: Clear orange juice?
Florida: Oh, it's empty.
Gov, who has been watching the entire time: I live with an idiot. I live with an idiot. I live with an idiot. ========================New York: We need a way to lure in new customers?
Louisiana: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!
Gov: California bath water.
California: ABSOLUTELY NOT! ========================Louisiana: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Alaska and New York's convo?
Gov: Me. I'm in the laundry basket.
Florida: I'm in the washing machine.
California: I'm in the closet.
Gov: We accept you California. <3
California: No I'm literally in the closet.
Gov: Love is love. <3 ========================Alaska, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK. ========================Gov: I hate taking off my glasses, because without them, my vision goes from Full HD all the way down to buffering at 240p and I just can't handle that. ========================Florida: Alaska taught me to think before I act.
Florida: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision. ========================Louisiana: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked?
Texas: It's just you. ========================New York: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention. ========================Alaska: What's up? I'm back.
Texas: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead
Alaska: Death is a social construct. ========================
