fifty-seven | the baby carrier

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Before feeding Amelia, you went to see if Henry was awake. He jumped out of bed when he saw you crack open the door. "Mama!" He ran over to hug you and tried to jump into your arms.

"Careful, buddy, I've got—"

"You have the baby! Can I see her?" he asked. You bent down and let him see Amelia. He stroked her head. "Hi, Mila...I love you..."

"You hungry, Hen? You want me to make you some breakfast? Mommy's still in bed, so we're gonna let her sleep,"

"Okay. What are we gonna have for breakfast?"

"Do you want scrambled eggs and bacon?"

"Yeah!"

You cooked with Amelia swaddled in a carrier against your body. Every once in a while, you would run your hand up and down her back to keep her calm. She was a little sleepy, so she started dozing against your chest. Once Henry's breakfast was ready, you sat on the couch and nursed Amelia.

"Mama," said Henry, "you not eat with me? You not hungry?"

"I'll eat in a little bit. Right now your sister needs to have breakfast,"

"Oh...she not eat at the table?"

"She's too little to sit at the table! But I can come sit up there with you if you want." You went to sit at the table with him as he ate his breakfast. "How're your eggs, bub?"

"Good." He cleaned his plate and pushed it away from him. "I go play now?"

"Sure. Just don't wake up Mommy, okay? Make sure you're quiet so Mommy can sleep. She's super tired,"

"Okay." He ran over to kiss Amelia's head. "Bye, baby!"

You ate your own breakfast and then played with Amelia on the floor of the living room. JJ came down after a little while and shot you a smile. She sat down beside you and tickled Amelia's belly.

"Morning, Jen,"

"Good morning, my loves. Is Henry still in bed?"

"No, he's in his room. We've all eaten; do you want me to make you something?"

"No, no, I'll do it myself." She picked Amelia up and gave her a million kisses, speaking unintelligibly to her and making you grin. "I'm not that hungry right now anyway. I just woke up, so..."

"Okay,"

"I'm gonna go grocery shopping today. You need anything?"

"Do you have yogurt on your list?" She nodded and tickled Amelia, making a silly face to make her giggle. You smiled and rested your head on her shoulder, looking at your baby as JJ played with her. "Sweetheart?" you asked gently, touching her arm with your fingertips. She turned to you with a grin as you told her, "I love being a mom with you. I know I tell you all the time how much I love you, but I just...I just have to. Sorry if I'm annoying about it."

She stroked what little hair Amelia had and said to you, "You never annoy me, love. I like hearing how you feel about me. And I'm glad you feel safe to express it. I love you too, and I love having a family with you." She laughed, "Do you think I would've married you if you really annoyed me?"

You grinned and kissed her. "She's been sleepy this morning. I wore her while I made breakfast—"

"You've been using that thing more, huh?" She was referring to the wrap you used to carry Amelia against your body, like you had done when you cooked. "I wasn't huge on it with Henry, so I'm glad you've put it to good use,"

"Yeah. She seems to like it — as much as a baby can have an opinion — but she does tend to get sleepy in it."

Amelia started kicking her little feet, so JJ laid her on her mat. She was getting very good at picking her head up. She enjoyed looking around and investigating all her toys, so she was motivated to build those muscles. JJ kissed you on the cheek as quick as she could, hoping to make you blush with a silly moment. She was successful, grinning as she said, "I love you, angel,"

"I love you too,"

"And I really am glad you're using that carrier. It truly only got used once when Henry was a baby, and then I put it away for if I had more kids and felt like trying it again. It's a good thing I did, I guess!"

She put one hand on your thigh, upon which you immediately set your own hand. Both of you kept watching your baby, not distracted when you said, "I guess so. One of the little ways we're good together, hmm?" You stroked the back of her hand with your thumb before just plainly taking her hand in yours.

"Maybe it's one of the ways we're meant to be," she suggested coyly, now looking at you instead of Amelia. You only took your eyes off Amelia for a moment, mirroring your wife's smile and moving in to kiss her.

Another couple minutes passed before Amelia began to cry. It was spent with casual, gentle touches alongside whispered sweet nothings shared between wives. When Amelia started crying, you took all your attention back from JJ and focused on your daughter. "Oh, are you tired of that, sweetheart? Or are you just tired? You wanna go back to sleep?" You and JJ both sat up on the couch, you with your baby in your arms. You checked her diaper before trying to soothe her to sleep. You said softly to JJ, "She just ate twenty or so minutes ago, so I don't think she'll be hungry enough to eat." Usually you fed her before she slept; she seemed better rested and less fussy throughout the day when she ate before napping.

JJ nodded and murmured, "I figured." She held you loosely enough that holding Amelia was comfortable and didn't feel crowded, but close enough that you felt her love. "You wanna go into her room, love? Might be easier to get her to sleep,"

"You're right. You coming with or no?"

"If you don't mind..."

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