Teach Me To Love Again (Jalex)

Why

"I should've known this wasn't real and fought it off and fought to feel. What matters most? Everything that you feel while listening to every word that I sing. I promise you I will bring you home" (Secondhand Serenade – Why)

Alex's P.O.V.

I should have known that it was a lie. I should have known that nothing he ever said to me was real. That he was just using me. That he was just waiting to break me down, make me feel more worthless than ever. I should have known.

"You did what?! I thought you love me!"

I was angry but at the same time I couldn't move. I wanted to scream, wanted to destroy things, wanted to get all of this fury out of my body but I felt paralysed, not being able to move a single muscle.

I wanted to burn all the pictures of him, wanted to burn his clothes, destroy everything he had ever given me. Then again I couldn't find the strength in me to leave the bed, couldn't find the strength not to hold onto his pillow like it was my life saver.

I wished it was a dream and that I would wake up any minute, him lying next to me and smiling tiredly at me. Telling me that everything was alright and that he would never leave me. That he loved me more than anything. That I was the most beautiful person he knew. That I was the best thing that ever happened to him.

"But I do love you, Alex! It was a mistake and I was drunken! It didn't mean anything!"

I held back a sob and buried my face in his pillow. Why couldn't I wake up? Why couldn't I forget about that fight? Why couldn't I just forget about him? Why was I so worthless? Why did he do this to me? Why did he do that when he loved me so much?

"Of course! If you really loved me, you wouldn't have done that to me!"

"Alex, you have to get up. You haven't eaten since Jack left you, you haven't showered. You look like a wreck and we're worried. Please, we don't want to lose you. Talk with us, we want to help you."

Finally, I was reacting to something. I sat up and looked at the person who was speaking, Rian, angrily. "Don't you ever say his name around me again," I growled and balled my fists. His eyes widened instantly and he looked at me, almost scared. That felt weird, usually nobody looked at me like that. Most of the time I was the scared one but now I did scare someone I love, one of the few people on this world that really worried about me.

"Alright, I won't say his name again but you get up now and go shower while I make something to eat for you. Then we sit down and talk because we won't let you mob around again, this time we will be there for you and not leave you alone with all of your worries."

I nodded slowly, knowing that there wouldn't be any use in complaining and slowly got up. I instantly felt dizzy and sat back down onto the bed, only to worry Rian even more. "Come on, I'll help you to the bathroom and then you can lay down in the bathtub, okay? Just promise me to try not to drown."

I nodded and with Rian's help I made it to the bathroom. He sat me down on the floor, letting the water in the tub and helped me to undress. Usually I would feel ashamed and would try to squirm away but I just didn't have the power to right now. It wouldn't have any use anyways. He knew that I had scars, he knew that I wasn't perfect. After he had helped me into the water he looked at me one last time, his eyes filled with sadness. "If you need anything, just call, alright? I'll be downstairs in the kitchen."