With You - Internal Monologues & Missing Moments, A Chenford Fanfic

Chapter 3 - The day Lucy got back from UC School...

5x03 - Tim's Perspective

Tim was already in the office when Lucy arrived at the station for her first shift after returning from UC School. He spotted her from the corner of his eye making her way into the women's locker room. He froze momentarily and felt his heart beat loud and fast. What am I? A teenager? he thought, almost embarrassed at himself.

It had been a month since he had seen her. Lucy had to leave for Sacramento right away if she wanted to make it to the start of the course on time. While she was away, he tried his best to be busy and not think of her. He dedicated more time to Ashley – he wasn't sure if they really had anything in common, but he showed up to what he needed to show up to. She came over a few times a week. She still wasn't fully comfortable around Kojo, but she made an effort. He didn't feel the same fire that he had with Lucy, but Ashley was comfortable. Predictable. Stable. He tried to rationalize that that fire he felt was probably due to experiencing something new and, in a way, forbidden.

But her lips were so soft... and she fit so perfectly in my arms... When those thoughts would come, he would push them deep. As deep as he could make them.

In the month Lucy was away, he spent a lot of time rationalizing. He thought that being apart would help him put things in perspective. Create some distance from whatever he felt for her.

Work helped. But not all the time. There were only so many adrenaline-pumping calls in a month to distract him from Lucy Chen. He tried to stay strong though. There was nothing good that could come from thinking about her too much in that way . He was with Ashley. She was with Chris. She was his subordinate. Enough , he would tell himself.

But he did miss her. He missed driving with her; seeing her beside him day in and day out. They had always made a great team. Until she had left for UC School, he didn't realize how much he had come to rely on her for so many things - entertainment, insight, comfort.

He was driving with Aaron now. Aaron wasn't bad, as far as gofers go. He respected his boundaries. He was smart and had excellent resources...resources that went beyond the LAPD sometimes. He talked too much, but it wasn't Nolan-level of talking, so he could tolerate that. He did the paperwork when needed. And there was no mention of cat personalities. He silently chuckled at that last point – it reminded him of Lucy.

In the month she was away, he was constantly wondering how she was doing. She was probably too busy to think about Mid-Wilshire, or about him. He didn't think it was a good idea to reach out, so he forced himself to go no-contact for the first couple of weeks. It was hard. Maybe this was how Isabel felt everyday in her struggles to resist temptation.

"How's Chen?" Angela had asked him a couple of weeks after she had left.

"I've been too busy to keep track. Why don't you go ask her?" he snapped.

"Touchy!" Angela retorted. He rolled his eyes at her.

He wasn't completely without news, however. He checked in on Tamara fairly regularly. He called every few days to see if she needed anything. One time, there was a problem with their faucet, so he told her he'd drop by to check it out. "Shouldn't we call Nolan?"

"I can handle a stupid faucet," he said gruffly.

He dropped by after his shift with his tools. The faucet needed some tightening. Thank God it was something that he could handle. He didn't want to have to call Nolan.

Tamara was busy on her laptop doing homework, sitting on the counter with a sandwich he had bought from a deli across the street. He tried to sound casual. "So, how's Lucy doing? Have you heard from her?"

"She calls every night," Tamara said in surprise. "Haven't you guys spoken?"

"I've been busy," he said, a touch defensively.