Chuuya's POV (Third Person):
He left.
He walked out the door.
As the realization kicks in, Chuuya's entire peripheral shatters around him.
"He left, he really left me, again...!" he mutters, not realizing he'd said it aloud.
The last time Chuuya experienced a panic attack he had been able to recollect himself before it got worse. But now?
It was nigh impossible to control himself.
His heart steadily picks up, his chest tightening just like last time but more intensely. His knees buckle, slamming down onto the cold tiles. His right hand clutches his chest where he can feel his heart. He wouldn't be surprised if someone were to measure his heart rate and see that it was abnormally high considering how fast it was beating like it would lurch out of his chest at any moment. His left shoots up, gripping his hair in a firm hold as his breathing becomes more and more uneven and unstable.
Hyperventilation.
He's hyperventilating!
Shit, Shit, Shit!
If this keeps going he'll eventually pass out. But Chuuya can't find it in himself to care about his overall well-being. He fixates on the flashes in his head of him and Dazai, from when they first met up until now, everything they've been through together, all the precious memories they've shared, though he doesn't entirely focus on the good parts, however, he practically locks onto the bad parts too.
Himself.
His personality:
How he treats others around him, especially Dazai. His easily angered temper and ego. His annoyingly rude sense of honesty. His inability to properly sympathize, especially when it came to emotions. His cold-heartedness or lack of consideration in situations that called for him to be just a bit nicer. The list goes on. In his eyes, they were all part of what led to his and Dazai's huge argument. Of what had pushed his lover away from him.
It was all his fault.
His fault!
Not Dazai's, not Yosano's, not that red-head woman at the bar, not the two dumbass agents!
HIS FAULT!
If he had only listened and complied with Dazai, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!
It's a slap in the face as his own thoughts continue to berate him, the weight of it all pushing him to sink into despair. Tears stream down his face, rapid and violent like a river, as he screams out a long gut-wrenching cry that echoes out into the emptiness of his home. His back bows, the grip worthy-of-pulling-half-of-his-hair-out loosens, hand falling in front palm opened, stopping just short of catching his face, the other now moving to clutch his stomach, his eyes squeezing shut as drop after drop of his tears hit the cool, smooth tiles reverberating a soft plop sound, and the whole time he mentally asks himself,
Why...? Why do I always have to go and ruin everything?!
~Out In The City~
Dazai had been walking so slowly you could say he was dragging his feet. Everything went wrong! I mean, he expected it, but still! This isn't at all what he'd wanted to happen! "Godamnit Chuuya, why'd you have to be so stubborn about the whole thing??" he whispers to himself, "All I wanted to do was help but you had to go and turn it into a huge argument! Ugh! And the fact that it all had to do with ME!
....
It was all my fault..." (Yep, they are both blaming themselves! Hehe, love that kind of drama 😁🫶🏼)
Dazai recounts the events as he continues on. Even though the problem was entirely directed at him, he couldn't help but think that there was more to it than meets the eye. Right before he'd decided to up and leave, it looked like Chuuya had wanted to say more, to further confirm something. But if that was true, why didn't he say anything the moment Dazai stated he'd be going out? From Chuuya's perspective, Dazai left without looking back, but in fact, he'd glimpsed back at the other, catching his expression and rigid body briefly until the black-maroon door blocked his view. At this point, Dazai yearned once again to rush back home to his beloved hatrack in an attempt to FULLY puzzle the pieces together, but his pride is currently getting the better of him, so he shakes his head.
I can't go back! I'll only make things worse! But-
The distressed look on Chuuya's face torments his mind, he can't help but feel guilty, how could he not?! He left him! AGAIN!
"RuAgHhH!", a frustrated shout escapes him as he ruffles his hair angrily, whining, "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"
Onlookers jump and stare puzzledly at the display, not sure whether to feel scared or concerned for the poor brunette. In a matter of seconds, Dazai speeds away out of sight at an inhumane speed shouting, "Excuse me! Pardon me! Sorry!", in case he bumps into anyone, but with his speed and control it's pretty much impossible for him to.
In 3 minutes flat (idk how fast he is 😅), he's already at the same black-maroon-painted door, barely breaking a sweat, but he composes himself regardless. A breath in through his nose and a brush of a hand through his hair to further calm his nerves. He doesn't remember locking the door? So he twists the knob, "Chuuya...? I'm-", he stops instantly, his well-trained ears catching the slight sound of an inhale followed by a sharp sob, although he doesn't need to hear it to know what is happening if the sight before him doesn't confirm his suspicion.
A trembling figure in very recognizable attire that only one person in the entire world that he knows could ever adorne is slumped forward just a few feet away, his hands and well-styled bangs protecting his face from seemingly the world itself until it chooses to lift, revealing not the beautiful stoic expression he thought he'd always known. In this very moment, he sees an expression that's been hidden away for years with shame, the expression of a broken man filled with unspoken regret and sorrow.
"D-Dazai...?", he stutters, choking on a sob that breaks the brunette's heart, "Y-You... You came back-?", Chuuya is interrupted with an abrupt Dazai rushing down, embracing him tightly as if he were to disappear if Dazai let go of him. His right-hand cradles the back of his head, digging into his soft, silky orange locks. Chuuya lets out a soft gasp at the sudden action, eyes widened in shock while the whole world seemingly turns to a standstill, focused on no one else but them.
Finally done with this chapter! Phew, I kind of got grounded soooo I can only work on this story at school during my homework period, when my parents think I'm doing homework, and just whenever they don't know, LOL yeah, I'm a sneaky bitch! 😜 ANYWAY! I will start working on the next chapter after a small break, thank you all so much again for your patience and support for this story! I have many other ideas for different fandoms and hope you guys will still follow and support me for those future projects! Love you all so much MWAH! 😘 (Should I start giving you guys fan names? Let me know what ya'll think in the comments!) 🥰🫶🏼
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Trust and Anxieties (A Soukoku Fanfic)
RomanceDazai and Chuuya have FINALLY confessed their feelings for one another! It's been a couple of months since they started dating, each going on with their lives but with a new blooming relationship between the two. But unfortunately, when your people...
