Facing It

Chapter 4

"Lunch will now be served at the commons. Remember to keep your hands to yourselves and clean up after yourselves. This is not a zoo. And please, no fighting" a male voice comes through the intercom.

"Finally. I thought they were gonna be late again. Come on let's go eat. You can sit at my table". Hanh says.

"Actually, I was going to make a phone call to my fiancé. I want to make sure he got home safe."

Hahn chuckles. "You wanna make sure HE'S safe? You don't even have access yet Velez. Processing takes about 3 days." A wave of sadness washes over me. 3 days!? Hanh must've sensed my sadness as she comes over and places a soft touch on my shoulder.

"Relax, it's only 3 days. Come on, you can tell me all about your fiancé and wedding planning".

I didn't hold back on talking about the wedding and the honeymoon as we made our to the commons. Planning the wedding had been easier than I thought. Tim's mother must've known about the proposal months in advance, because when it came to wedding ideas it came out like a waterfall. I barely had any personal touches. The honeymoon, however, was solemnly my idea and Tim didn't care about it much as long it had a beach. Our honeymoon is to visit Spain for a week and then finish off with Portugal. My plans even convinced Hahn to put Spain as a place to visit one day when she gets released. Arriving at the commons, the cafeteria is a replica of a public high school cafeteria with old tan, worn-out floor tiles, bench tables, and half stocked vending machines. There is a small table with food trays, napkins, cups, plastic utensils, and a broken coffee maker.

"Yo odio esta madilta veina" (I hate this piece of shit) an inmate yells, hitting the coffee maker.

Hahn hands me a food tray as we join in line for lunch while telling me the ins and outs here. New inmates wear red suits but after a week we change into dark brown like everyone else. We get 2 hours outside, 3 meals a day, and 1 shower a day. There's a library, a gym, a tv room and computer room. If it wasn't for Hanh, I wouldn't know about any of this. They never gave us an orientation. But then again, its prison, I shouldn't expect much.

"Also, the drug world exists here. Don't let this place fool you. If you pay close attention, you'll see the transactions and folks high as a kite in this bitch" Hahn says as we sit at her table with 3 other female inmates. She fists bumps everyone. I am the only inmate in a bright red uniform at the table and I stood out like a red rose in a sunflower field. I can't wait to change into the dark brown.

"They finally gave me a cellmate. This is Velez. Velez, the gang". Hanh says. Everyone around the table just motions their head as a "what's up" gesture to me.

"Hanh killed her last cellmate, that's why she got the tear drop" one of Hanh's friends says. She was a small, asian girl with short blonde hair and dark brown freckles. My unamused face tells her I didn't buy it.

"I'm messing with you girl. I'm Jes, Hanh's lover, when she's not being a grumpy grandma. Isn't that right my vanilla swirl?" Jes says grabbing Hanh's cheeks.

"Babe, please stopppp" Hanh wines. All I could do is chuckle at Hanh's face of embarrassment. I didn't notice the strange meal in front of me until I glanced down at Hahn's plate. Mash potatoes aren't suppose to be brown? And are these fruit cups expired?

"Guess the cartel doesn't stop following you, huh little Velez?" Hahn asks.

"Wowwww, drug affiliation? No offense, but that is the last thing I would have guessed. You don't look like it" Jes says biting into her tuna sandwich.

"Why you gotta use big ass words like affiliation? Just say crime like a regular person" The woman says. She's a middle aged women with curly black hair and thick Dominican NY accent.

"That's not even what I'm trynna say dumbass! Anywaysss, I've been reading and I've been studying. Ya girl is trying to be a lawyer. Me and my vanilla swirl need to get outta here soon" Jes replies, but the Dominican woman just rolls her eyes.

"I'm Marisela by the way, but you can call me Mari. And since Hahn is cool with you, you're cool with me. So what cartel were you involved in Velez? " she asks.

"The Sinaloa cartel. But I wasn't really involved. I was just an accomplice".

"Yeah that's what they all say" Hanh chuckles. "You never mentioned what happened.. did you slip up or had a bad run?"

"Uh, no actually. Someone named me.." This caused the whole table to be silent with everyone looking up awkwardly, not sure what to say. I still hadn't touched my food.

"Oh shit, that's like actually worse than the crime...a snitch don't get stitches, they get the fuck killed, like execution style" Mari replies, chomping on her lunch. "Are you gonna eat the fruit cup?" she asks pointing. I shook my head, allowing her to reach over.

"Some of them are here, actually. The Sinaloa cartel, Pantoja cartel, Lee cartel, they typically wear the black uniforms because they're listed as 'high level criminals'. Unless, she was just a regular drug mule, then she'll be in the regular brown uni's. Maybe you can get revenge. We can make it look like an accident, right babe?" Hahn nudges Jes, but she is too engulfed in her book to pay attention to Hahn.

"Try under second hand command" I mumble.

"Dang, and she named you?" Mari asks with a confused face.

I nod, "Technically, I can't prove it, but it adds up .."

"Well if that's the case, you wouldn't need to get revenge. They probably took care of it for you. Snitches don't really make it out alive." Mari says.

As much as I hate Austin for putting me in here, it will never reach a point where it'll put a smile on my face to know she was killed. Even the thought of it panged my heart. Sure, I wanted to kill her but not physically...if that makes sense. She didn't deserve to die but she does deserve all the bad things life can offer. And I'm certain she's in another country under a different name, living her life on the run, while I sit here, serving my time. This is so backwards. I should be in another country, living my life with Tim, but yet here I am with the short end of the stick.

I felt like I was drowning as I sat with the other ladies at the lunch table. In a large cafeteria I felt the walls closing in. "I need some fresh air". Not waiting for their reply, I get up and speed walk down the hall where I see two white double doors with red exit signs. I push the doors open where I am hit with the Texas summer heat. The sunrays piercing in the clear blue sky, clouding my vision even more. I lean on the wall with my eyes closed and head down, desperately trying to catch my breath.

"Ayo shmgi uhk at b ht he". The voice only comes as a mumble to me. This may or may not be any early symptom of a faint. Before I attempt to lift my heavy head, someone grips up my left arm causing me to shoot straight up.

"I said, you can't be out here" the woman says through her teeth. Her honey brown eyes filled with anger immediately softens when she realizes, "Skylar?"