The Internal Devices

Chapter 16

Draco slammed the door so violently it shook the furniture in the boys' shared room, but Theo didn't bother looking up. He was used to Draco's foul moods and was actually expecting it today.

"That bad, was it?"

Draco hissed in frustration and tossed his book onto his desk. Theo's eyes flicked up in amusement as his friend ran a hand through his hair and collapsed dramatically onto the floor. Somehow, his aristocratic upbringing managed to make the movement appear graceful. Draco sighed.

"I feel awful. Why do I feel so awful?"

"Well, I told you apologizing is usually a rather fretful experience," Theo interjected helpfully.

"Gods, Theo, it was more than bloody fretful! I felt as if I would vomit! And that's not even the worst part!"

Theo finally looked over his friend in concern. He really wasn't sure how Hermione would react to the apology he and Draco had planned, but he had been certain she would be kind to him either way. Now he was second-guessing himself. This was a conversation long overdue for Hermione and Draco, but perhaps he had rushed things. He settled for a mild, "Oh?"

Draco slung an arm across his face, hiding Theo from view. He mumbled something incoherent, and even though Theo leaned forward, he couldn't make it out.

"Come again?"

Draco wrenched his arm away from his face and turned toward where Theo was perched. He looked wretched.

"I started leaking."

Theo blinked once, then twice. His confusion must have been apparent because Draco began gesturing flippantly around the ocular region of his face. Theo burst into laughter as he finally understood. Gasping for air, he managed, "The worst part of the entire experience, the part that has put you into such a state, is that you cried?"

"I cried," Malfoy grumbled in agreement. He shot Theo a venomous glare, but its effect was lost with a quirk of his lip. Theo gripped his side and fought for control over the laughter. He had to be careful about heavy laughter most days, as it often sent him into a round of coughing. Thankfully, he had come up with a better system for his potions recently, and it felt good to laugh and feel so normal. He smiled and waved for Draco to come over. Begrudgingly, the sullen boy did, dropping onto Theo's bed.

"I know it might seem terrible to you, but it's actually not a bad thing to be vulnerable with people. Did she respond well?"

Malfoy considered for a moment before replying. "I suppose so. She said she appreciated what I said. It was me who felt so terrible. Not only was apologizing painful but sitting there, without the occlumency as you suggested, left me feeling so bare. She was in a perfect position to hurt me. I hate that."

"But she didn't."

"No, I suppose she didn't."

Theo let the topic drop. He was satisfied for now; he knew Draco's mental shields would be up again tomorrow, strong as ever, but this moment was enough. He wasn't naive enough to think Draco's horrible coping mechanisms could be done away with in one day. It would take time.

Time. Something like pain shot through Theo's core at the thought. It was an idea he had always loathed because it was something he never seemed to have enough of. He didn't have enough time with his mother before she died. He didn't have enough time before he and Draco's carefree childhood friendship turned into one of survival in a brutal world. He didn't have enough time at Hogwarts, enjoying lessons, before all hell broke loose. And most of all, he didn't have enough time to do all the things he wanted to do before death inevitably caught up with him. He knew the clock was ticking and was running out of patience. Before the panic set in, Theo jumped up, startling Draco.