ᵐ ⁱ ˢ ˢ ᵉ ᵈ ᶜ ᵃ ˡ ˡ •

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i was always told i never wanted to die;
that everytime the thought of death was to cross my mind, i should jump into a pool of deep water and watch my body fighting to survive.

that instead of wanting myself to die, it was that I wanted something that lived deep within my soul to die.

and maybe that was the case for the majority of the time,
the abyss that grew within me encapsulating all the goodness that had ever coincided with my being.

and more than anything i wanted it to die.

yet the knowledge of knowing i'd never see you again,
that in itself was more of a reason to want to exit existence than anything else.

because the harsh reality was you were gone,
and in a way,
it was all my fault.