Danger Zone

Chapter 20: "My Destiny"

"Bad news – Nora found out." Jules texted him.
"That you kissed me?" he asked.
"Yep. She's merciless here."
"In as much?"
"Wondering why we're not ...you know?" At the same time, Jules was wondering as well why this thing called "love" had become so complicated. She was sitting on her sofa, her arms around her knees, her chin resting on them, lost in her train of thoughts. She blamed her inability to take the plunge entirely on the fact that the one serious relationship she had been in had ended in shambles. The relationship which had led her to believe that something like fairytales did indeed exist, that she had found her One and Only, only to be blindsided by his betrayal. The occasional dates she had gone on a couple of years after that ugly breakup and her burnout and the recovery thereof hadn't really changed anything. She had never really opened up to any of the guys she had been on a date with, never even came close to a kiss let alone a night full of passion between the sheets. Nope, that wasn't ...her.
While she was mulling everything over for the umpteenth time, she was also listening to the playlist she had named Liebe, and waited for Nora to tease the fuck out of her again. Only ...
"Sweetie, you're still trying to tell me ...?"
"Nora, please. It's complicated enough already." She grimaced and continued: "If I thought the pain of missing Tom was terrible before I lost control –"
"You mean before you kissed him", Nora corrected her.
"Whatever. It's next to unbearable now."
"Do you trust him?"
Jules knew what her friend was driving at. "Haven't told him that, yet. And I am scared about what might happen once he knows. It'll be forever between us. You know what Scientologists are like when it comes to psychiatry."
"Understandable, but do you want your relationship with him really be based on a lie?"
"And now you know why I am unable to fully commit and why it was just this one kiss." Within a split second, the "What if?" question was hammering again in her mind. What if she could never tell Tom the whole truth about her backstory? What if she did and he ran to his cult leader to have her tested so that they didn't have a chance because she might not be "cleared" in Scientology standards? What if she told him, and he pushed her away? Or, and that seemed the least likely version: What if she told him and changed everything for him, his entire belief system? She knew what was at stake, which was also why she had been reluctant to allow her feelings for him to grow. All of a sudden, her composure gave way and she had a crying fit. "Nora ..."
Nora immediately hugged her best friend. "Let it out, love."
"What if?" she sobbed.
"What if?"
"What if I tell him, he's put off by it and pushes me away? Because the treatment I received contradicts everything he believes in? And I lose him forever?"
"Julesy ..." Nora tried her best to comfort her. "So, you do love him?"
Jules didn't reply, and Nora knew the answer, anyway.
"There is just one way to find out ...and you know that."
Jules nodded. "Yeah. And I'm scared. I'm. fucking. scared."

"Earth to Tom! You with me?" Ving Rhames alias Luther Stickell asked and waved his hand in front of Tom's face. Tom was in another rapture, daydreaming about his love.
"I'm sorry, what?" he muttered.
"Oh, you have to understand something", Simon piped up. "Remember that I told you about the PR gal who visited us in South Africa?"
"What about her?" Ving's interest was piqued.
"She's his new girlfriend!" Simon announced triumphantly.
"She isn't", Tom grumbled.
The two looked at him. "And yet, you're running around with a grin on your face, your eyes sparkling, you spent the week off recently with her and what have you", Simon teased him.
"Listen, I don't know why y'all are so invested in my love life whatsoever, so sorry to burst your bubble, but Jules and I aren't together."
"...yet!" Simon added.
Tom just rolled his eyes. "What. Ever."

Another day, another video call during a break.
"God, I miss you so much", he said.
"So do I. But at least I still got this ..." she replied and placed a bit of the hoodie he had given her in front of her face. "Sweetest gift I've ever got."
"So you're still wearing it?" he asked with a smile. Wait until you have received my most precious gift for you – my heart and my love.
"Almost daily", she replied. "...and until I have you back! Whenever that will be."
"Soon, I hope. We should wrap up filming this part soon, and also, you and I need to start getting the press tour planned", he said. "I mean, it's still some time until it's in the theaters, but as you know, I need stuff to be meticulously planned. Probably my biggest vice."
"The perfectionist?" she asked.
"Yep." He paused for a second, trying to lose himself in her eyes again. "And I know it can drive people up the wall."

Simon and Ving were secretly watching Tom chatting with Jules. "She's got him bad", Ving uttered.
"Oh, definitely. And I think it's really getting to him that he cannot see her as often as they'd like to. Ever since she showed up, Tom's been on Cloud 9."
"It definitely was easier for him when he had that fling with Hayley", Ving commented.
"Indeed. Even if that one didn't work out."

Tom was sauntering over to them and knew already what was up. "Welcome to Gossip Mill Central, right?" he said with a grin, although he wasn't really in the mood for jokes. His heart was aching with the pain of missing Jules and the uncertainty when he'd be back with her.
"You've only got yourself to blame, Tom", Simon teased him.
Tom shot him a death glare. "Yeah, okay – for y'all's amusement's sake: I do miss my Special Someone. Because she's ..."
"...the one who stole your heart, Tom. Don't even try to deny that!" Simon explained.
"Did she?" he replied and grinned.
Ving could barely contain a giggle, and Simon had an "I *told* you so!" expression on his face, while looking at Ving.
Tom let out a sigh and looked at his buddies: "Honestly, guys, my relationship status isn't of anyone's business but mine. And Jules's. That is all I am going to say."

Later, in his hotel room, he was lying on his bed, going through his "Phoenix" folder. Jules had allowed him to take a photo of her leg tattoo which he now used as the album cover. He flipped through the photos, looked at one a little longer. He studied her features in great detail again – and wished she was here with him. In his arms. Close to him. Exchanging kisses. The best kind of love is the kind you find when you're not even looking, he thought. "I love you, Jules ..." he muttered and fell asleep.

Nora continued to be the Emotional Support Friend for Jules, as she knew Jules needed someone to be there for her.
"You know, I really didn't expect that mess when I first met him."
"That you fell in love with him?" She looked at her friend earnestly. "And don't you dare tell me that you aren't! You may have kissed him just once, but you did it, anyway. The way you guys look at each other, all those little affectionate moments. I hate to break it to you, Julesy, but he's got you bad. Like, REALLY bad."
"Whatever happens, happens", Jules replied with a sigh.
Nora looked at her, questioningly.
"That's sort of the credo Tom and I chose for this. It's our little adventure." She paused for a second, reclined her head and muttered: "God, I miss him."
"Of course you do!" All of a sudden, Nora had a bit of a silly idea: "Are you going to marry him?"
"WHUT!?" Jules giggled. "Nah, real talk – I think three times was enough for him, and he's done with that." She looked at her best friend. "And even if we end up as a couple ..."
"When, you mean. The 'if' stage is long since gone."
"Okay, Ma'am, when we end up together, it doesn't mean we necessarily need to tie the knot. I mean, I really don't get why everyone is so focused on getting married and shit, when you can simply live happily ever after without a goddamn ring!"
"That's my girl!" Nora hooted enthusiastically.

"You walked in and my heart discovered
That my life would never be the same
Oh, you are my destiny
You are my one and only"