Danger Zone

Chapter 21: "Call It Love"

Jules's gut feeling was spot on: the kiss had made matters worse for her and Tom. They both were almost going insane with the knowledge that they'd be apart for a while still until they'd be reunited. Not just to figure out and plan the whole "Dead Reckoning" press tour, but also to finally get their act together and give their relationship a try. They both knew how hopelessly they had fallen in love with each other, and the emotional pain of not being able to see each other whenever they wanted got to the point of physical pain as well. Jules often lay wide awake in the middle of the night, reliving the moment when she had kissed Tom. Or hugging the framed picture of him she had on her bedside table. His hoodie. All of that. "Why does love hurt so fucking much?" she mumbled before she eventually fell asleep.

Tom, meanwhile, wasn't that enthusiastic about the fact that David had cornered him about Jules. He knew he loved her more than anything, and the prospect of risking their potential relationship was gnawing at him. He was lost in his thoughts and considered warning her about what was at stake. His sisters had of course noticed how edgy he had become.

"What is it, Tom, hm?" Lee Anne asked.
Tom rubbed his face. "I don't know what to do ..." He looked at his sister. "You know, Jules and I ...we have serious feelings for each other. She's the loveliest person I've ever met, and she's ready ..."
"Ready for what?"
"To start a relationship with me." He paused for a second too long. "And this is where it is getting complicated – David isn't having it. He cornered me the other day about having to audit Jules to make sure she's clear. And I know the second I bring that up, Jules is gone."
"But you also know that she's the polar opposite because of psychiatry and –"
"I don't even care about that. Or if she's 'clear'. I love her."
Lee Anne looked at him. "Well, first of all, I knew you'd fall for her. But I also knew that she meant trouble the moment you met her."
Tom clenched his jaw. "I just ... I cannot bring myself to do that. I cannot hurt her or chase her away."

Not much later, two guys who were high up in the rankings and whom David M had ordered to have a talk with Tom showed up.
"And what do you two characters want?" he asked, although he knew very well what they were there for.
"To talk you through the upcoming conversation with your potential girlfriend, Tom. You know why."
He sighed heavily and while he was still close friends with David, he also felt betrayed by him. Another crack in his belief system showed up. "You really cannot be serious and ask me to do that to Jules?!"
"We very well are. You know that, and we know that. Either, that lady comes clean and gets proper treatment or you best cut ties with her again immediately." He paused for a second. "The ideal scenario would of course be if she became a member. Which she should, if she does love you."
Tom felt desperate more and more. On the one hand, he was looking forward to finally having Jules back. But on the other hand, the sword of Damocles was hanging above him. Could he really do that? Could he really risk everything he and Jules already had? Hurt her? Chase her away? "It's absolutely unfair to both of us – Jules and me. You want me to betray her trust. And she doesn't trust easily." His eyes felt wet. "Don't ask me to do that", he pleaded again.
"Well, as you've already been told – you are not asked to do that. It's called an order." He looked at Tom. "Here's how you are going to proceed: you lure her into talking about her burnout and the aftermath of it, and then suggest Dianetics to her."
Tom was so cornered by now that he felt he really had no other choice anymore and gave up. "Okay, but I know already that I will lose her."
"Then she obviously doesn't really love you."

Tom felt that ice cold hand of steel closing around his heart when the two other Scientologists had left again. He had it all mapped out, how to finally say those three words to Jules. A romantic candle light dinner, little walk, and then kiss her again. But he also sensed that he could throw that one overboard with the prospect of having to stab her in the back. Either way, he was going to lose. Having to trap Jules, the one who had seen the depths of his soul, was so painful already that he had no idea how to deal with it. He'd be licking his wounds for ages, that he was sure of. But what about her? She'd been terribly hurt already, her trust was a delicate flower which he now had to destroy. His conscience was yelling "DON'T!" at him. If he didn't do as asked, he also knew that they had some dirt on him which could harm him as well.