The casino was alive that night. Folks dancing, music blaring and the like. It was annoying. I took another puff of my cigar, wishing the morning would come sooner so we could kick the guests out already.
"Absolutely not!" I heard not far away, followed by a group of groans. My eyes looked over to the other lackeys, all of 'em looking at Mr. Purplepants himself—King Dice.
"You're no fun!" Hocus Pocus whined to the dice.
"I'm not supposed to be," King Dice crossed his arms, looking like the uptight snob he's always been. "As the Devil's right hand man, I'm in charge of representing this casino, not distracting the boss so you can all slack."
"Oh come on!" Mangosteen complained. "Help your fellows out!"
"All we want's a break," Chip Bettigan said. "All you hafta do is butter up the boss while we sneak out early. You can pretend you didn't know!"
"I simply won't allow it."
I scowled. I can't believe I dated that guy once. The hell was I thinking! I shimmied over without them noticing, leaning against a table some drunk guy was sleeping on. Time for some payback. "Told you guys he wouldn't do it. He's too uptight."
"Excuse me, Wheezy?" King Dice shot a glare at me.
"I mean it, and everyone thinks it," I puffed my cigar for effect. "Even the boss."
King Dice froze and his mustache twitched. Got 'em. "H-he does?"
I gave a nod, "The boss told me himself, 'That good-for-nothing lackey Dice is too uptight. He's no fun to be around.' At this rate, I'm sure he'll fire you."
King Dice gasped, "Fire me? W-what do I do?"
The others looked at each other, confused. I shot Chips a wink while the dice was fixing his 'stache. The gambling man grinned at me with yellow teeth. Chips jumped in, throwing an arm around King Dice's shoulders, "Yeah, the boss don't like it when his lackey's are uptight. I mean, why do you think he hired us?"
"Because you were drunk and sold your soul," he answered flatly.
Mangosteen said, "Well, that. But he kept us around because we gotta good laugh outta him."
"Ah, I see... So, how do I get the boss to like me again, and preferably not fire me?"
Hocus Pocus said merrily, "You gotta loosen up! Have a little fun!"
Chip said, "Yeah, show him how to have a good time, King Dice style."
"You know, this might be the best advice you've ever given me," King Dic said, already walking towards the office. "Very well! I'll go fix my reputation and—how you put it—loosen up!" The lackeys wished him luck, smirking at each other. I felt it too. I can't believe that dope fell for it.
"Ay you!" Chips Bettigan slid next to me, bumping my hip with his own, "Since when do you play hooky with us?"
I smirked, "Since it means gettin' back at the dice. Whatcha plan to do with all this free time you got, huh?" I got mixed answers from the Drinks, Hocus Pocus said he was takin' a nap in a hat or something stupid, and I couldn't care less about whatever Mangosteen had in mind. I gestured to Chips, "what about you."
"Absolutely nothin'!"
"Then I'm going with you. Let's get the hell outta here."
That's just what we did. We grabbed a pack or two from behind the bar, and went outside the cave. The beer we brought was bitter and cheap, but damn, it hit the spot. I sighed, "Now this is how it should be. Gettin' wasted every night with nothin' to worry about."
Chips took a sip of his fourth or fifth can, looking at the night sky. "Is this all there is?"
"What'd'ya mean?"
"I mean—workin' for the rest of our lives hopin' ta get drunk, and then gettin' drunk and hopin' we don't hafta work so we can drink more? If our lives are gonna be so unfulfillin' why continue you it, y'know?"
I put out my cigar in my beer, "God, your one of those drunks. Get over here." Chips scooted over, leaving the can. He laid his head on my shoulder like a sad puppy, and I put an arm around him. "You're not wrong, it sucks and there's not really any point to this, but I'm gonna tell you to keep going anyways."
"Why?"
"Well, one it's cliché and socially accepted and all that crap. But really, you're a good lookin' guy and probably still a virgin—you got more mistakes to make before you can even think about doin' somethin' like that. And I really don't wanna clean up the mess you leave."
"Ha ha," Chips said dryly, holding my free hand, "what-a smooth-talker."
I smirked to myself, "You wanna make a mistake?"
He kissed my nose, "Try me."
We leaned in, ready to——"YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING LACKEYS!!!" Our boss yelled like fire, our coworkers screaming and running around. We jumped in our skin.
Chips looked at me, "Should we start running?"
"Probably."
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