cursed⭐︎ᵐⁱⁿˢᵘⁿᵍ

forty eight

"We'll meet soon." I excitedly said, sitting down in front of his grave.

"I miss you, Min. I can't wait to hug you tightly."

I was starting to forget his voice. There were just a few phrases that I could imagine him saying— but that was all. I missed the honey voice that made me feel at peace.

Fortunately, his smell remained in my memory since day one. Maybe the reason I hadn't forgotten it just yet was that I stole some of his clothes the day I visited the house he used to live in.

Honey.

I couldn't forget his facial features either. His sharp nose, his nice soft hair; brown coloured just like his eyes. He always had rosy lips, his upper lip was smaller than the bottom.

Was it?

Either way, it was alright because we were going to reunite tomorrow night. Even if I had to travel around infinite universes in order to find him I'd do it without hesitating, I was devoted to meeting him again.

When did I get so dependent on him?

"I knew you were going to become a memory, like everyone. That's why I laughed harder in your presence, that's why I held you tighter. However, I had no idea our last moment was going to be so heartbreaking. We were arguing and then you just-" I began, catching my breath.

"You were there and the next second you were gone. When your eyes closed for the final time and your pulse slowed I wished that was me, instead. You completed me and losing you was for sure torture."

How I wished I hadn't run in front of the car or maybe never fought with Minho at all. Maybe the real reason this happened was the fact that we met— maybe if we never crossed paths he would still be happily living, accomplishing his dream.

I put, on the ground, a beautiful bouquet of red and white roses.

Red because it means love. I came to my senses that I dearly loved my best friend.

White means eternity, I chose it for the reason our souls seemed to be bound forever.

"Me and the group hung out. We are actually all friends now, it's not just me and Felix any more. There's Hyunjin, Chan, Changbin, Jeongin and Seungmin too!" I proudly said.

"You're the only one missing."

The moon wasn't so bright tonight yet the stars that were surrounding it shone really luminous, making it seem like the white and big star was overpowered by a dark, mean shadow hovering over its surfaces.

I had lost my greed, the feeling of being left alone swallowed me up. There were questions flying in the air and the dirty feeling of being empty overcame me. I hoped someday this emptiness was going to be filled but it was never coming.

"Just tell me whеre you are, I'll be thеre shortly, I won't be as far away from you as you think."

It was a bit weird— the way I worded my sentences.

"I imagine you in the night sky, comforting me somewhere. Even if I lose everything right now I'd endure it by thinking of you. I'll go anywhere in order to find you, Min." I spoke, sulking.

"I'm looking for your light. When I look at my reflection in the mirror I feel like I'm lost, stuck in the dark and wandering in the deep fog."

I even missed him in my dreams, I kept looking for him.
I was sauntering on the road and yet again end up going back to the same, old place.

I held tight onto my shaking heart. I couldn't stop it, I kept spacing out at the thought of Minho.

"No matter where you are, I believe I'll find you. I won't look back until we reunite."

I felt astray, lost in my own thoughts.

"When you held me so tightly it felt so right I teared up at the sight, it was my first time." I continued talking to the ghost of Minho I could only sense but not see.

His attention changed the brightness of my vacant heart, he was the light that was showing me the right track to follow.

"Your arms were my home, you grabbed me when I was falling, you saved me, Lee Minho.." I said, sighing when his name left my slightly chapped lips.

My falling days now were sorrow, I realized I actually never changed. I was slowly turning back to my old, hateful self.

"Hyunjin said Bbama and his dog are getting along well. Will he forget about me?"

I was talking about my sweet pup. I was afraid he was going to never remember me again although it was the right thing to do.

Animals could feel pain, just like humans. I wanted to be strong for him, I gave everything I could until my last moment.

Until I finally broke down.

"Minho, are you happy up there?" I said, asking the stars. He was right, instead of one bright star there were two now.

I felt something inside of me tear apart. My chest felt heavy and my eyes were dry because of the number of tears that had slipped past them.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do well."

I sadly smiled as I stood up, feeling the rain hurriedly make its way past the thick fabric of my (Minho's) hoodie.

Something inside of me twisted, once again.

I was walking, following his pace and then I got lost for a moment. I could barely follow his remaining footsteps—he was fading away.

My mind was storming at every crossroad.

Is it just me who misses us so much?

I wondered how far he had gone away. The ideal moment that me and him we'll be together, I got too used to it that it became my daily life.

As uncomfortable and groggy that felt I couldn't bare to do anything about it. I had no more strength to care. I was broken, like shattered porcelain.

"See you soon, Min. I hope you haven't forgotten about me just yet." I finished while sadly giggling, giving one last pat to the wet rock.

History does repeat itself.