𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚎 𝚟𝚟𝚒𝚒

Hits Different

WRITTEN: June 6th, 2023

It's me, hi * waves eagerly* I'm the problem, it's me *students throw bagels at my beautiful face* It hits different this time... NOW THE SAND HURTS MY FEELINGS. *finds the artifacts and proceeds to cry over a hat* wHy iS tHe wOuNd sTiLL bLeEdInG?? 

*Until I Found You playing in the mere distance* Heaven when I held you againnn- wait no, we're taking a road trip to hell. mY bAd-

Freedom felt like summer then... It was Valentine's Day, I recall. Love was in the air, I could sniff it along with the burnt bagels and Owen's fatal attempt of warming up my cats in the oven. Butterflies were poisefully flying oh so gayly... Wait no, that was Gerald the moth to a fucking flame. Millie came to the rescue and brought along a refrigerator. Aww, how sweet of Millie. Now go stand in the corner and think about what you did Owen >:(

Ah yes, as Owen failed to getaway with baking the cats on purpose and Millie came bearing gifts, you're probably wondering where was I- Clara "Barney" Ella Salazar- aka the anti-hero of this story. Tsk tsk, this is why they shouldn't kill off the main guy.

So, where was I?? That's easy, I was at Harry's House with McKie ( @TheaBear11 )

Our good friend Harry Edward Styles invited us both over as a token of appreciation. There was only one direction to go when Harry wants to show his gratitude towards his friends- and let's be honest, Harry and McKie are totally besties!!

Daylight was creeping in ( we arrived way too early ) and Harry was blasting music perfect for a sushi restaurant. Parking was quite the hassel, so y'know, we keep driving. I told McKie that it's best she go check up on Harry, as I admire his estranged pet fish who secretly adores you. Fun fact: the fish only eats kiwi and watermelon sugar.

Meanwhile, Harry was serving maple syrup, coffee, pancakes for two. Hash brown, egg yolk and he proceeded to karaoke to his hit 'Late Night Talking', and then 'Two Ghosts'. Harry then gave a speech about why you should treat people with kindness. That's very slay, but sadly so I had highly important business to attend to and had to leave early.

I drove the getaway car right to mi casa, turned on the TV and watched high school musical the musical the series on Disney+ for hoursss and was tOtALLy nOt simping over Ricky Bowen the entire time...

Midnight sharp and my mom aka Taylor Swift has arrived to bake cookies with me. Since Owen burned the whole house down he has no privileges of baking with Tay Tay Swizzle *cackles* There's nothing I do better than revenge-

We listened to Midnights ( Baking cookies edition) and heart-shaped the cookies. That's a real fucking legacy to leave *in awe*

It feels like one of those nights, where it's miserable and magical. The HN gang came over, Melody and all the swifties too. We had a blast ✨

But even through it all my crush hadn't texted me back. Oh welp. I could buy myself flowers, write my name in the sand *sobs* Talk to myself for hours, say things you don't understand. *shoves cookies and devours them in pop star fashion* I could take myself dancing, I could hold my own hand *chugs carton of milk* I can love me better than you c- *crush replies back*

Me: ( the last 13 secs, I couldn't find a gif )

*4 months later*

Shawn Mendes is the mind reader of the gays. They knew my favorite Bruno Mars song was 'Talking to the Moon' eventhough I never even mentioned it. Really, I was just there at Midday, hoping to get an autograph. Then Ez- I MEAN SHAWN MENDES- randomly came up to me, played guitar very off-key ( Nevertheless a spectacular performance ) and guessed my 2nd favorite song ever. Shawn Mendes is a ✨ telepath ✨

Ah yes, that's enough of story time. Back to the initial lesson- C r u s h C u l t u r e.

Now, wHaT iS LoVe? ( I almost wrote liv as in Olivia-) Listen, I'm almost 17, I don't know anything. I don't fucking know why they chose me out of all the people to teach this estranged course *facepalm*

Well guess what idiots? Nothing has ever felt so wrong.Oh my, love is a lie. 

Word of advice: Don't fall in love with your best friend. Just d o n ' t. *throws a bucket of water, maniacly chuckling as it droops down your face* Open up your eyes kiddo, you're not 16. Sheesh...

*sternly faces Richard* You were listening to Shawn Mendes on spotify the entire damn time?? THERE'S NOTHING HOLDING ME BACK FROM TOSSING THIS IN THE WATERFALL *swipes phone away from Richard* 

Richard: pLeAsE dOn'T, i PrOmIsE tO nOt PoIsIn yOuR bAgELs nO mOrE

Clara: Too late mWhaHa

Richard: i'LL dEaCtIvAtE mY BaRnEy pUrPLe dInO iNsTa fAn aCc aNd sToP tRoLLiNg oN yOuR mUsIc vIdEoS

Clara: I don't love you, you don't love me. We're not fucking familyyyy.

Richard: *poofs up fairy Godmother wand stolen from Fatiha aka my ( not biological btw) mom* i'll make your dreams come trueee

Clara: Well, since you put it so nicely... *phone flows through waterfall*

Richard: *angry gay noises* you're the problem, IT'S YOU.

Clara: *hairflip* It must be exhausting always rooting for the Anti-Hero *slips on pop star shades and 6 inch heels* byeee

Richard: You bi-

Clara: AH YES, HAPPY PRIDE. BE GAY AND HERE'S A QUEER IPHONE *aims at Richard's nose*

Richard: gEe tHaNkS

Clara: And stream my albummm *pouty eyes*

Richard: N O.

Clara: Well if you would've listened to my album, then you'd fully comprehend the lesson on w h y you shouldn't fall for your best friend.

Sabrina: *raises hand* iS iT cAuSe FrIeNdShIp iS mAgIc? 🌈

Clara: Yes, friendship is tragic. SEE YA NEXT TIME!! *closes binds in dismay* I should've known better... *skips town like an asshole outlaw* mY sAdNeSs iS contagious *sneezes*

Everyone catches "catastrophic blues". Sike, that's so 2022. Wake up, it's 2023. I've been streaming 'Hits Different' since fall of last year, why are you guys so late?? 🙄

Oh no, they've come to take me awayyyyy- *grumbles* happy pride!!

At the end of the day, I could still melt your world, argumentative, antithetical dream girl ;)

The Hits Different bridge though >>>>

I'm gonna go talk to the moon now who apparently replied to my messages when I was writing this. Wow, just wow. 2nd time in a... *mumbles* I'm a fool who sits alone talking to the moon. Hi moon, bye moon.