Marvel angst one-shots

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As I reread this chapter I realize I hate it. I am going to leave it up as it does comfort some people but don't click off my book just bc of this chapter I swear it gets better lolz

Female reader TW: self-harm and swearing, also contains depressive thoughts

You are part of the avengers because Natasha found you while infiltrating a hydra base and so you and her have a mother-daughter relationship also italics are what the reader is thinking

<3

 y/n's pov:

As the blade ran across my thigh I let out a small whimper. I had been doing this for months. I deserve it. I have hurt people.  I was smart enough as to not do it on my arm so no one will find out. 

I stopped cutting after realizing how late it was. It was almost 2 am. Tomorrow everyone was going to have movie night like we do every Friday and I don't wanna be moody or fall asleep. I quickly bandaged up my thighs with the first aid kit Stark put in everyone's rooms and went to bed careful not to sleep on my thigh. 

~💕~

It was 5:30 pm and Friday had just called everyone down for dinner it was Natasha's night to cook. She made a Russian dish called pelmeni, which is like a dumpling, and is one of my favs she cooks. Peter and I are close in age so we are close and he sits down next to me and starts talking about a project he and Harley were planning on, something about a super-powered potato launcher I think. I kinda zoned out on him and my thigh was burning. I hadn't cut in a month before this and I was disappointed in myself. Why do I have to be like this? Why can't I just be fucking normal? Natasha should have left me to rot in that cell.

"y/n, are you ok?" I hear peter say his hand on my shoulder and his eyes filled with concern. 

"Oh yeah sorry, I zoned out I'm a bit tired. So a potato launcher huh." I say with a fake smile. Luckily I've perfected it and peter doesn't suspect a thing so he nods and goes back to eating. I quickly steal a glance at Natasha. To my disappointment, it seems as if she has seen the entire interaction and didn't believe me but doesn't say anything for now.  

As I got up my leg brushed against the table and I winced.

"You ok y/n?" Natasha asked. Everyone turned to look at me. I panicked trying to come up with an excuse and also keep a straight face.

"I'm fine my leg just hit the table too hard," I say with a small laugh.

"Oh, I've done that so many times," Bucky says smiling in sympathy while others agreed with him. 

Natasha looked even more suspicious at this but let it go again. 

Eventually, the kitchen was clean and everyone had settled into the movie room. It was peters turn and he picked star wars (of course). He sat down with his friends who had shown up a minute or two ago and I sat next to Natasha at the back.

"Y/n, are you ok?" She asked concern seeping into her voice.

"Yeah, why," I say trying to act confused.

"Y/n," she says in a tone that makes me know I've been caught.

"I don't know what you are thinking but I'm fine Natasha leave it," I say trying to get her to lay off it. There is no chance in hell she actually cares. She thinks you deserve it too. I look over at Natasha and now she knows knows. I usually call her Nat and so me being angry probably confirmed her suspicions. Jeez, you can't even keep a goddamn secret and now you won't be able to pay for what you did.

Natasha was quick to pull me away from everyone mumbling some random excuse and bringing me to her room.

"Show me your thigh." She demands.

"What the fuck. No way. Why would I do that I told you whatever you think is wrong." I say.

"Then there should be no problem showing me your thigh and then my worries can go and we can watch the movie," She says. I can't lie she makes a good point but I can't show her. She sits down next to me and I suddenly become very interested in the floor.

"Y/n please," Natasha begs. I decide to and start to roll up my shorts. I hear a small intake of breath beside me when the freshest cut appears but other than that nothing. Natasha sees I have properly cleaned them and hugs me tightly careful not to hurt me.

"Oh honey, why did you do this?" She asked seriously as she pulled away. 

"I don't know" I mumbled. You do know. You deserve this. Now she hates you. She thinks you're just some fuck up. As if she didn't have a reason to kick you out before.

"What's going on up there," Natasha says pulling me out of my thoughts.

"I'm sorry" I apologize quickly.

"You don't have to apologize. Not for this. It's gonna be okay. I'll help you through this" Natasha says slowly grabbing my hand as if she wasn't sure if I would pull away or not.

"I don't need help," I say "I deserve it anyhow" I mumble afterward. Natasha being the spy she is heard it anyhow. I can tell by the look that crossed over her face.

"Detka nothing you do could deserve this," she says as she lays my head on her shoulder. "Nothing" 

"I've hurt people. I looked at them in the eyes and killed them," I say starting to cry at the last part.

"You had no control over what happened. And it wasn't you it was hydra. You're just a kid." Natasha tries to comfort me. I start crying. I can feel my thoughts already ruining this moment.

Do you think she actually cares? She just feels bad for you. You don't deserve her sympathy. She knows you deserve this. Those people had lives and families and you ruined them

"If you ever feel like this again I need you to come to me. You shouldn't be doing this," she says.

" I know but I can't stop," I say honestly.

"It'll be okay I'll help you no matter how long it takes I will always be here for you"

~💕~

It has been a couple of months since Natasha found I had been cutting and although I haven't cut the thoughts are still there sometimes but I can ignore them pretty well now. Natasha can sometimes tell when it's really bad and she'll set up a movie night or something in her room for the two of us. I also started going to therapy and I feel a lot better. It is much easier to get through some things with someone by your side and I'm lucky to have Natasha.

A/N: ok so the ending is kinda rushed and cringy tbh but idk how else to end it also umm 1,109 words of angst was interesting but I loved writing it feel free to request things and also remember to eat and drink you deserve it besties 

~Venus