Marvel angst one-shots

Eccedentesiast

Eccedentesiast: Someone who hides pain behind a smile

A/n: You and the guardians (of the galaxy) are back on earth for a bit and everything is getting to be a bit too much for you too handle and your boyfriend Peter Q. is worried about you. Also, takes place after endgame so Gamora 2014 was unaccounted for and in this she has re-met and became friends with the guardians again

TW: Cutting and suicidal thoughts, and survivors guilt

"Back on earth." Peter smiles as the jet lands. 

"This time I swear I'm getting Barnes arm, I don't care if it's the last thing I do." Rocket says determined. 

"I am Groot." Groot replies.

"No I don't need help I got this." Rocket replies and I fill in the meaning. 

"Let's go." Peter says taking my hand and leading the way to the compound. He leads the way dancing around to whatever song was on his walkman this time and I watch him with a smile. Now that Thanos was gone the remaining Avengers decided everyone needed a break and so the guardians and I were invited to stay for as long as we wanted. 

After Thanos had died my mental health severely worsened. I don't know why but it felt like I could have done more or that there isn't really a reason to be here anymore. I haven't told Peter about it since I don't want to worry them anymore. He is glad to be rid of Thanos trying to focus more on other things. I did convince him and the guardians we deserve this break on earth though, hopefully us relaxing will help my head. Peter took a lot of convincing due to him not liking earth and it just reminding him of his mother but he's come a long way and now is okay staying for a while. 

~Later that day~

We are settled in to the compound Peter and Thor currently in an intense game of super smash bro's on the switch which mini-peter (parker) had to teach them both. Peter is very competitive with Thor probably because of what happened on the ship a couple months back. It's cute though. He's also being a huge smart-ass to him and everyone but most people understand it's just the way he is and it's just him joking around.

Mantis, Gamora, and I watched for a while pretending to vote for Thor to win making Peter try even harder. Eventually Peter and I headed up to our room for the night.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah it's fine earth isn't so bad and I won against Thor in the game, though I don't know why you were on his side, so I think it'll be alright. Better cause I know you're here." He says kissing me passionately.  "What about you you've seemed off for a bit now." I pull on my sleeves subconsciously when he says this. Peter doesn't know but after the battle I had begun cutting again. It just felt necessary. So many people died in this battle trying to help, that shouldn't have happened. We should've done more, fought harder. We should've figured out a way where everyone made it out. 

"I'll be fine, just need a little reset." I say and he nods.

"Ok love you." He smiles.

"Love you too." I say and we head to bed

Once I was sure Peter was asleep I slip outta bed and go to the ensuite bathroom with my pencil case, there was a secret compartment in there where I had hid my blades and no one questions it assuming it's period products when I leave with it. 

I feel the need for a really intense pain so I leave a couple cuts on my arm then go to my wrist and cut a couple times. I know it's dangerous and I could die but I don't mind it, I think it'd be better if I was gone. Every time I cut there I'm hoping it'll hit the vein or artery there and then I go to bed disappointed in the morning.

Peter has been dealing with his own stuff and I don't want him to worry or keep me here so not telling him seemed like the best option but now I'm in too deep and I don't know how to stop. My wrist is bleeding pretty hard so I bandage that along with my arm pull on one of Peter's sweaters and go to the bed cuddling next to him. 

The next morning there was some dried blood on the outside the bandage but when I check it wasn't bleeding anymore, disappointed I just take a shower and then get changed into a sweater and some shorts since it was hot out. 

I meet everyone outside since we were going to the park (something about fresh air).

"I am Groot?" Groot says once I get outside, Peter and I getting there last.

"That's a good point, why are you wearing a sweater y/n you're gonna get too hot." Rocket translates.

"Already tried to make her change she says she's fine" Peter says and so we head off to central park. We have a nice day talking and then Drax had us all play frisbee for a bit. For some reason I was smiling but it wasn't real. I just didn't want to be here when a year or so ago I would have loved this. So would the original Gamora even if she faked hating it since Peter would be messing with her. 

When we get back to the compound I decide to just go to my room a bit exhausted and grab my blade. I sit near the edge of the bed on the floor and pull my sleeve up I just can't anymore I don't want to. 

I line up the blade press down with as much force I could and quickly pull the blade across tears fill my eyes and the blood starts to quickly bead up and spill out the cut but I don't stop I keep going till my wrist is bloody and move down my arm. 

"What the fuck." I hear from the door and see Peter rushing towards me. He takes my blade and I'm shaking.

"Babe- what- what are you doing. Oh my god we should get you to medical." He says looking at the puddle blood on the floor and still falling out my arm. My ears ring and my breath starts to quicken. "Y/n, hey babe what's happening?" He says and I can hear him but can't process his voice. He picks me up taking me to medical while blood is still leaving the cuts. 

I'm in and out of consciousness on the way there and fully passed out by the time he gets to medical. When I wake up everything is bright and I hear the heart rate monitor attached to me beeping. I look down seeing my arm covered in bandages and Peter in the chair besides my bed.

"Peter?" I say and it comes out scratchy but he hears it and jumps up.

"Y/n? Oh my god I was so worried, how could you- why would you- what happened? They said you had other scars and there was so much bleeding they didn't know if you would make it and they said you cut some artery I was so worried." He rambles.

"I'm sorry." I tell him.

"Hey no need to be sorry just talk to me please." He says and so I talk for a bit I don't know how but I told him some of the stuff that's been going on. I don't tell him too much still not wanting him to worry.

"You're not allowed to leave me you should know this." He jokes making me laugh and he smiles hearing it. "The doctors think we should stay on earth a bit longer so you can do some therapy and they can just make sure you're ok." He tells me.

"I don't know Peter." I reply.

"Please I need you to be alright I don't like seeing you hurt." He says and I can see it's true.

"Maybe a bit longer wouldn't hurt." I mumble.

"Thank you." He says and kisses me. I guess feeling okay again is possible, it might take a while but I can at least try.

A/n: Idk chat do we like it do we hate it plz give me honest feedback