Adventures of Reader

Shopping Gone Wrong

They were on the battlefield, the sky was red with fire, bodies littered all around them. The ground they were standing on was muddy with rain. But even the rain couldnt put out the fires. And on the battlefield stood 2 warriors, and another was lying down. "You won't beat me, MachioMaschoMachi!" Said Sadichochichan, "I will save my friends!"

"Hmph," MachioMaschoMachi snorted. "you? With what, friendship?"

Sadichochichan laughed, "no, with THIS!" A beam of light appeared around him, "NUKE NO JUTSU!" Then the entire frickin world blew up but Galeobae, friend of Sadichochichan, protected them with his shield of protection.

"Galeobae, you're dying!"

"It's ok, say hi to my dad."

"You have a dad?" Galeobae closed his eyes. "Galeobae? GALEBA-"

"AAAAAA" a scream came from upstairs. You paused the game and ran out the basement, only to be met with the sight of your mother.

"I TOLD YOU TO DO THE DISHES! And look at the state of this house," she was furious

You sighed, and greeted your parents. You took the groceries and put them in the kitchen. You sorting it, vacuumed the living room and tidied up the place a little.

"Im going to study mom,"

"Leave your door open!"

"Got it!" You went into the basement and closed the door. You hopped back on the game and continued. You put another hand in your bag of doritos as you were heartbroken at the tragic cutscene.

This was life for you. Go to school, fantasize about having a girlfriend, playing video games and eating, get bullied for being a virgin loser, go back home and ignore your responsibilities and play more video games, the usual.

But as Sadichochichan was mourning his friend, you realized your doritos bag had no doritos. You sighed and gulped down your cola. You put on your jacket and went back out. You were an average built man. Surprising, huh? One would expect someone like you to be a fat loser. Well, you are a loser. Just not fat. You would be if not for your high metabolism. You still can get heart diseases and other organ problems, so be careful. You walked down the road at 1 am, you knew a little shop a bit farther down. It was open until like 3 am. On your way, a man stood in front of you.

"Give me everything you got, now!" He said in his rusty voice.

You daydreamer about this so much, how you would twist the arms and punch him and report him and be cool. You handed him all your money.

Good thing I didn't bring my phone.

You head back home to get some money again. You're determined to buy the chips and cola, you crave it. You cross the road, thinking about Sadichochichan and Galeobae. But lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice the truck heading towards you

BEEP BEEEEEEEEEP

You were frozen in your tracks, you felt like a deer. Your body wouldn't respond, you tried to move but couldn't. You finally managed to move, but with outside help. And by outside help I mean you got tossed like a ball by Truck-kun. Your life flashes before your eyes, the memories of being a loser on wasting your time behind the screen. The memories of all the heinous acts you committed, acts that disgust you, acts that make you think you deserved this death. All goes black.

"Hey WABLOUYATUDABADUHABUD" You're hearing a voice, it's so fast, it's like the voice is speaking from 10 rooms away. You see a light in front of you, like a computer screen showing a blurry video. The screen gets bigger and bigger and bigger until it takes over your entire view and you suddenly wake up to Ben Shapiro in front of you. You stand up and move away,

BEN SHAPIRO? WHATS GOING ON????

"Yo- yo- you're be- you're Ben shapiro-" you stutter.

"YesOfCourseWhoElseAmISupposedToBe"

You did not understand a word he said.

"Where am I?"

"ItSeemsWeHaveBeenIsekaiedMyFriendThatsTheUnfortunateFact"

Isekaied? What?

"This- this feels like a dream!"

"Facts" said Ben in his kosher voice, "DontCareAboutFeelings"