How a Resurrection Really Feels

13

Ryan takes a deep breath. Okay. He's going to fuck Brendon. He's finally going to fuck Brendon. In spite of all the times that he's fantasized about this, convincing himself that they eventually were going to fuck, now that it's actually happening, it feels surreal.

"Okay. Alright. Okay." He tries to calm down as he pulls his fingers out.

Brendon goes still in anticipation, catching his breath slowly. Brendon's probably nervous but, really, there's nothing to be nervous about. He's stretched and lubricated well enough, and Ryan is a fucking sex god. Brendon is about to have the time of his life.

Ryan spits on his palm, hissing when he rubs saliva onto his cock. He's too hard and it hurts, and he starts wondering how long he's going to last once he's inside Brendon's tight ass. He doesn't think about it for more than a second because he has more pressing concerns like getting his cock inside Brendon's virgin ass right now.

Brendon lies on the blankets motionlessly, staring at him with wide eyes. Brendon's waiting. Ryan quickly tries to figure out how he's going to fuck him: hands and knees would be awesome but he wants to watch Brendon's face the very moment he stops being a virgin.

Ryan lies on top of Brendon, resting his elbows at his sides, and he gives Brendon a heated kiss to get him to relax. Brendon gasps against his mouth, nervous and tense. Ryan keeps kissing him slowly. They don't need to rush this. Brendon wraps arms around him, kissing him back softly. This is very promising, this is good...

"Don't be nervous," he tells Brendon between kisses. "You're going to love it."

Brendon's breathing is shallow, and he nods a little. He trusts Ryan. Ryan loves that.

Ryan grabs Brendon's legs, taking them to his shoulders, leaving Brendon exposed to him, and Brendon's breathing starts picking up, pupils widening further. Ryan aligns his cock with Brendon's entrance, and god, this is not a dream. This is his moment of glory: he's about to deflower Brendon. His cock is going to where no man has gone before and claiming territory. Brendon's spent so much time convincing him it's a sin, that it's wrong, but now Brendon's lying beneath him, legs on his shoulders, ass exposed, waiting for Ryan to fuck him. Brendon's almost hyperventilating, like the situation is dawning on him and he can barely handle it.

He presses the tip of his cock against Brendon's hole, and he feels like dying already. He repeats a mantra of not coming yet over and over in his head as he starts pushing in, one hand on the base of his cock to keep him steady. It's not as easy as he thought because even if he stretched Brendon well, Brendon's muscles are still resisting the intrusion.

"Relax, baby. Just relax," he says, pushing again until he gets the head of his cock inside, muscles giving in.

"Oh, God," Brendon grunts, panting, clutching onto the blankets. "H-Hurts."

It hurts Ryan too; Brendon's ass is practically strangling his already throbbing cock. He doesn't get why Brendon's in pain, though, when he was practically fucking himself on Ryan's fingers a second ago. He can barely think straight, Brendon's so tight... He expected a virgin ass to be tight, sure, but not like this, and especially not after all the treatment that he gave it.

His cock is a lot thicker than three fingers, though. Lots of men fantasize about his perfectly sized dick, and he couldn't be more proud of it, but it's clearly a lot to take for a guy who has never been fucked. He pushes in a few inches.

Brendon's breathing unevenly, face scrunched up in pain, but god he's hot and he feels amazing, pleasure trickling up and down Ryan's spine. This was worth the wait. Ryan runs his tongue over Brendon's neck, trying to distract him from the intrusion, and then he kisses Brendon, whispering, "Relax, baby, c'mon. It will be better if you do."

"I'm trying," Brendon breathes out. "It just hurts."

Ryan holds the base of his cock and pushes deeper inside. Brendon arches his back, letting out a moan that is in no way pleasured. Ryan's not welcoming the reaction; Brendon's face only shows discomfort, his eyes shut and his teeth gritted, and he's panting like he's being tortured. It was not supposed to be this way at all: Brendon was meant to writhe in ecstasy and say how good Ryan's cock felt in his tight ass. Ryan doesn't know how to solve the problem because no man has ever not enjoyed having Ryan in them, and he certainly doesn't want Brendon to be the first.

With his cock halfway inside, Ryan takes his hand off the base to touch Brendon's dick instead. He strokes Brendon's cock swiftly because fuck, Brendon was losing his erection and that is certainly not a good sign. Brendon grunts, still breathing erratically, eyes shut like it's keeping the pain away. Ryan's also in pain: half of his cock is being strangled as it doesn't feel like Brendon's loosening much around him.

"God," Brendon cries out. "It's too much, you're too big, I can't –"

Ryan laughs nervously, taking Brendon's words as compliment. "I'll make it better, I swear."

Jerking Brendon off doesn't seem to be enough to relieve the pain Brendon's in, though at least Brendon's cock is getting harder, and Ryan decides to go for Brendon's prostate. Once he reaches Brendon's prostate with the head of his big cock, he is going to replace God in Brendon's religion.

Determined, Ryan bends Brendon over further, carefully pushing his dick in all the way.

That's it. Virginity officially gone.

Ryan lets out a dirty groan despite himself.

Brendon jerks, clutching his shoulders and crying out – not in pleasure. "Oh, oh God, Ryan," Brendon groans, writhing beneath him. "I thought," he pants, "I thought that was all already, I – Please, Ryan, I can't take any more."

"I'm all the way inside, Bren, please relax," he says soothingly because he feels like he's falling apart – his cock won't be able cope with the tight heat of Brendon's ass much longer. Right now, it's Brendon's obvious discomfort that keeps Ryan from coming. It's not a turn off, but for some reason he feels like shit about hurting Brendon, and he wants to make him feel better.

He stays still, letting Brendon get used to his cock, and he starts placing soft kisses all over Brendon's face. He thinks he's got the overwhelming pleasure under control – giving Brendon time, calming himself down – but then Brendon groans, "God, Ryan." Brendon shifts restlessly, clutching onto him. "You're so deep inside me. I can- I can feel you so – Wish it didn't hurt, wish I could take you better. Oh, God."

And Ryan comes.

He doesn't mean to come, he doesn't even have that little warning bell inside his head telling him that he's about to go off, he just comes, groaning against Brendon's collarbone, his hips doing miniscule thrusts as his orgasm takes over, fucking into Brendon suddenly and wantonly, and it's hot, heated pleasure, and yes, yes, yesyes –

And then he's done.

The haze clears a little, and Brendon's staring at him with big, surprised eyes. Ryan blinks. Oh fuck. Oh shit.

"Er..." he manages.

Brendon's still staring. "Did you just...?"

Yes. He did. Brendon could feel it, of course, him coming inside. Fuck. Fuck.

He decides to pull out rather than soften inside Brendon, and Brendon winces a little when he slips out. Ryan lets Brendon's legs slide off of his shoulders, and then he's on his knees between Brendon's spread legs, catching his breath. He can see his come rolling out of Brendon who, fuck, is even wetter now, more stretched. Ryan totally just fucked this up.

Brendon's semi-hard, cock resting against his stomach, and Brendon's staring at the ceiling and trying to breathe normally. Ryan hadn't even gotten to any of the actual fucking yet. He's mortified. What the hell just happened? God, he should have jerked off this week, he was too riled up. He acted like the virgin here, fuck.

"That..." Brendon says, frowning like he's confused. Then the confusion clears and he nods like he's making a mental note. "So that's sex."

"Uh..."

That was Ryan having a premature ejaculation.

"Does it always hurt like that?" Brendon asks, and Ryan shakes his head. He's having difficulty speaking right now. Brendon looks pensive. "It's... okay, I guess."

Okay. Okay? That's the worst possible thing Brendon could say. Jesus, Ryan would rather hear that he's a horrible lover than that he's an 'okay' one. He's meant to be amazing. He was born to fuck! And now Brendon will look back to this night and think that Ryan was kind of okay.

"No, no, we're not done," he decides hastily, leaning back over Brendon and kissing him fervently. Brendon responds, a bit confused. "That was- I didn't mean to come yet, you were just – That was not it, sex can be a hell of a lot better than that, I swear." Fuck, he is beating himself up over this. "Just stay hard for me, baby, just let me..." he almost whines. That cannot be it.

His mouth has travelled to Brendon's neck, and he bites on the skin, right where he knows by now Brendon likes it. "There's more?" Brendon asks breathlessly, and Ryan nods. That was lousy sex, Jesus Christ.

Brendon relaxes against the blankets, and Ryan tries his best to keep Brendon in the moment, sucking on Brendon's nipples, attacking any erogenous zone he can think of. Brendon's cock gets harder, thankfully, rising from resting on Brendon's stomach to proudly becoming more vertical, and Ryan's busy fisting his own cock as he takes bites at Brendon's hipbones, trying to drive the virgin insane.

Except Brendon's not a virgin and his first time sucked. That performance really didn't give Brendon any reason to want to have sex ever again.

Fuck, he has to fix this.

Ryan's cock feels sensitive, but that orgasm he had wasn't that good. It came out of nowhere, was gone before he could register it, and even though he got off, he doesn't feel satisfied. Besides, he's never had problems getting hard again – sex god, still – and soon he's fisting his erected cock and teasing the head of Brendon's dick with his tongue.

Brendon's back into it, thank god, moaning restlessly, mumbling his name, and Ryan's quick to spit onto his palm and rub saliva on himself again.

"Let's do this properly," he says when he kisses Brendon. Brendon looks scared. Great job, now Brendon's scared of his cock which only hurts him and then splatters come all over the place. God, Ryan's a loser. He cannot let Brendon down here. He brushes Brendon's hair from his forehead. "Second time's always a lot better. Trust me."

Brendon nods timidly, and Ryan guides Brendon to wrap one leg around him before he's pressing the head of his cock against Brendon's entrance again. Brendon feels a different type of wet this time – saliva and come – still stretched, still hot, but Ryan will not fuck it up now. He can't let Brendon think this was an 'okay' night.

Pushing into Brendon is easier this time. The slide's better, the resistance less relentless. Brendon groans beneath him, shifting his hips towards Ryan.

"This better?" he asks hurriedly. Brendon's still tight as hell, but thankfully his embarrassing orgasm took some of the edge off. He's going to do it right this time and afterwards Brendon will be begging to get fucked eight times a day.

"Yeah," Brendon whispers, looking uncomfortable but nothing compared to how he looked minutes ago. This is definitely going somewhere, so Ryan starts moving, fucking Brendon in a slow rhythm. It feels damn good; his cock is finally fucking a nice ass after what feels like forever. He groans, trying to keep himself in control, thrusts steady as he keeps his hips moving between Brendon's parted legs. He places kisses on Brendon's lips, neck, changing locations to make sure Brendon feels dizzy.

Ryan is finally fucking, and it's incredible after such a long abstinence. This is not his own hand, and he's not coming already, and this is not just some ass either; it's Brendon. Brendon twitches but sighs more placidly as Ryan finally feels Brendon's muscles relaxing: every time Ryan pulls back, it's more comfortable to push back inside. Brendon's still tight but the slide is so perfect that it drives him insane.

Brendon starts letting out little sounds of pleasure, the same ones he made when Ryan touched him earlier, and Ryan feels accomplished. He increases the speed of his thrusts, but not too much because Brendon's face is slowly flashing in pleasure, and Ryan is going to take his time to make this as good as he can.

"Ryan," Brendon breathes out, looking at him with lust-filled eyes.

"What, baby?" Ryan grins and licks a stripe across Brendon's neck. "Tell me."

"Ngh, it - feels nice."

Ryan moans in agreement, keeping up the pace, enjoying the sensations. Brendon presses his heel against the small of Ryan's back; Ryan bites on his tongue, burying his cock deeper inside, and Brendon gasps, arching his back. Fuck, Brendon wants him, wants his cock. God, this is exactly how Ryan wanted it to be.

Brendon's mouth presses against his cheek, hot and wet. "Are we... Are we doing this right?" Brendon whispers, breathing ragged.

Ryan looks at him in confusion. Of course they're doing it right! He's done this plenty – he knows. "You just said it feels good," he notes, not getting it. He thrusts in even deeper, and Brendon trembles beneath him, clearly in pleasure. Ryan doesn't get it.

"But we're just –" Brendon stops to get in air, licking his swollen lips. "We're not breaking stuff, we're –"

"Brendon," he says disbelievingly. He stops his movements for a second, tangling his hands in Brendon's hair. He kisses Brendon slowly, loving the way Brendon melts into it. He lets them catch their breaths a little as he tries to figure out how to explain it. "You can have sex without breaking the entire room. Jon and Spencer just... like, uh, breaking the entire room. We're doing it right even if we don't do the same."

Brendon studies him closely. "Really?" His voice is slightly timid.

"Really."

Brendon looks almost relieved. "Good. I think I prefer it like this, anyway."

Prefers Ryan to anyone else, or that's how Ryan chooses to take the words. He grins. "Give me a minute here and I'll make you cry out even louder than them."

Brendon looks taken aback, but then Ryan picks up his thrusts, and Brendon's eyes widen as they get back into it. And Ryan really is good at fucking because it doesn't take long before Brendon wraps his arm around Ryan's back like he wants to keep Ryan in place, for Ryan not to stop fucking him.

Brendon grunts, "Ryan, please."

"What? Tell me," Ryan teases, trying not to show how far gone he himself feels. He's the man in this situation, he's in control, and for some reason he thinks it's vital to show Brendon how well he's leading this.

"I don't know," Brendon says, sounding almost desperate. "I've just- I –"

Ryan thrusts harder just once; Brendon's leg tenses around his waist as Brendon lets out a loud and lustful moan. Ryan has Brendon right where he wants him, so he doesn't ask permission anymore – he speeds up, making his thrusts faster and deeper, really fucking Brendon now. He starts panting, awed by how Brendon's face twitches like he can't understand what's making him feel so good. Brendon's enjoying this, and Ryan has never felt so good about pleasing someone.

The only sources of pleasure Ryan's ever known have been the obvious things; cock in ass, erogenous zones, cock in mouth and so forth, but now he's getting off because it's Brendon, because of the way Brendon's writhing beneath him, overwhelmed by the sensations that he's providing.

Brendon's breathing grows erratic as he moves his hips wantonly to meet Ryan's thrusts. Ryan keeps fucking him, thrusts deep, unable to take his eyes off of Brendon's face. Brendon has never looked as hot as he does now, with his mouth slightly parted and drops of sweat rolling down his hairline, and he's the one fucking Brendon. Fuck, sex has never been this good, and coming from him that's saying a lot.

Ryan pulls out almost all the way, changing the angle slightly and slamming back inside.

"Oh, God," Brendon groans, scratching Ryan's back with both hands as he almost chokes on his breath. Ryan grins Why hello, prostate. Ryan was dying to get the angle right, but now he goes still, wanting to tease the kid. Brendon moves his hips upwards, obviously looking for more pleasure. "Ryan," he whines. "Ry, please."

"What, babe?" he asks innocently, giving Brendon soft and chaste kisses on the lips.

Brendon moves his face away forcefully, clearly frustrated, not having any of it. "Do it again!"

"Do what? This?" he asks, pushing in deep and brushing against Brendon's prostate.

"Jesus, yes! Oh God, that! Please, just –"

Ryan can barely stand Brendon so willing and needy. Ever since they met, Ryan's pictured how Brendon would be if they fucked, and Brendon's so much hotter than he was in his dirtiest dreams.

He wants to drive Brendon insane so he starts thrusting in hard, making sure to hit Brendon's prostate with each thrust. Brendon moans every time Ryan does it, practically crying out as his hands run all over Ryan's back like he can't get enough of him.

He kisses Brendon hard, muffling the younger man's loud vocals. Brendon kisses him back just like Ryan's always wanted him to – wild and fiery in the midst of fucking. He feels like he's so full of Brendon, his thoughts only focused on him, his body wrapped up in the pleasure, his heart heavy, and every thrust just makes him feel more and more lost. But god, he has to focus right now. Brendon's working his hips, meeting Ryan's thrusts, losing his mind, and Ryan has to make sure he doesn't lose his own.

"Does this feel like a sin?" he asks, panting. He needs Brendon to get it. Ryan thrusts in hard, loving the way his cock slides into Brendon's tight ass. Fuck.

Brendon groans, licking his lips. Ryan makes a point of slamming in brutally. Brendon jerks, managing, "N-No."

He smiles against Brendon's neck. "Good."

Brendon's hands slide down his back to his ass, and god, Ryan loves that. Brendon's never touched his ass before, but Brendon really should because the way he grips on the flesh makes Ryan fuck him that much harder.

Brendon's constantly groaning now, and Ryan knows they're both close. He lets himself rest on one elbow, hand in Brendon's hair, while the other snakes between them and grabs Brendon's cock.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God," Brendon slurs, and Ryan's thrusts are fast now, almost frantic, and Brendon tries to meet his thrusts but isn't fast enough. He still tries, though, and it's hot beyond belief, the way Brendon tries to pull him in deeper with his hands. Ryan tries not to die from how much it turns him on that Brendon loves getting his ass fucked, how much he loves that it's him who does it, him and no one else.

Brendon's cock is leaking onto his palm, and Ryan squeezes Brendon harder, movements slickened by pre-come.

"Ryan, it feels good, too good, I – Oh God, Ryan, God –"

Ryan has never in his life heard Brendon say his God's name in vain the way he's doing now, but it only shows how Brendon is falling apart, Brendon's body tensing up. He kisses Brendon messily, feeling Brendon's cock pulsating in the ring of his fist as he jerks Brendon off, fucking him hard and wild. Ryan feels so close, his balls tight, fire curled up in his guts.

"Unh, Ryan, Ryan –"

"It's okay, I've got you," he groans, sucking Brendon's bottom lip into his mouth. "Just let go, Bren, just let it happen."

Brendon begins to nod but he doesn't even manage to do half a nod before he's coming. Ryan feels like dying himself: Brendon's muscles clench around his cock tightly, squeezing him from all sides, and he keeps fucking into Brendon, making sure he's hitting against Brendon's prostate as Brendon comes between them, messy, sticky and hot. And Brendon's loud, crying out his name as he comes.

Ryan follows almost instantly. There's no way he can hold back when Brendon feels so perfect around his cock, when Brendon pulls him closer greedily, hands still on Ryan's ass. Ryan lets himself come inside Brendon the second time that night. His entire body shakes from the force of it, and he groans against Brendon's neck where Brendon's skin is salty and warm.

His hips come to an eventual stop. Brendon's trembling beneath him, hands sliding up to his neck, and their lips press together, hungry and needy.

"You okay?" Ryan asks when he regains some of his senses. It's the first time he's ever asked a guy that post-sex – usually it's 'Thanks, now get out of here', but he doesn't want Brendon to go anywhere. Brendon nods, but he's shaking, and Ryan tries to be damn careful as he pulls out. Brendon winces when he does, biting on his bottom lip to muffle a pained whine. "Does it hurt?" he asks, concerned, and Brendon nods. "God, I'm sorry, baby."

Ryan moves to lie on his side next to Brendon, instantly pulling Brendon into his arms. Brendon buries his face in his chest, and Ryan keeps his arms wrapped around him tight.

He's never felt protective of anyone before – Spencer can handle himself – but right now he knows that he'd act like a pissed off, blood hungry mongrel if anyone tried coming anywhere near Brendon. Brendon's not like they are, and though there's just about a hundred things Brendon can do that they can't, guarding his back isn't one of them. Brendon doesn't need to know how to do it, though, because Ryan's got it covered. Brendon's shivering against him, coming down from his orgasm, and he feels so vulnerable and small right now.

Ryan nuzzles Brendon, placing soft kisses on Brendon's cheek. They're both sweaty, come splatters on their skin, but Ryan loves that. He loves that he's the first person to see Brendon like this, completely undone. It then occurs to him that he wants to be the only person to ever see Brendon like this.

"That was..." Brendon says quietly. Brendon doesn't seem to have a word for it, but Ryan's seen a lot of men getting off, and he doesn't need Brendon to tell him that it was good for him.

"I think that was my favorite of all the times I've done it."

Brendon looks at him with big eyes. "Really?"

"God, yes," he sighs, and he means it. He's not lying. It doesn't matter that Brendon didn't really know what to do because it's nothing to do with the technicalities of it; he simply loved it because it was with Brendon. He captures Brendon's lips in a soft kiss. It's obvious Brendon's shaken up, and Ryan wants Brendon to know he's here for whatever he might ever need. "C'mere, baby," he whispers. "Come on, I've got you."

He pulls Brendon closer so that he can snag a few of the blankets from beneath them, carefully placing them over their naked bodies. Brendon's clearly exhausted, and Ryan pulls him into his arms firmly. He wants to cuddle right now, and he doesn't give a rat's ass that he's cuddling because it's pretty much almost as awesome as the sex they just had.

"I'm glad it was with you," Brendon whispers against his skin. Their legs are entwined, and he keeps Brendon close to his chest, placing absent kisses on Brendon's temple as he brushes Brendon's hair. "I wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else."

God, Ryan neither.

Brendon yawns against his chest, and Ryan's heart completely misses at least three beats, expanding in overwhelming affection. Brendon drifts off to sleep with Ryan holding him tight and making sure he's okay before his own body starts feeling worn out and sleepy. He mumbles a goodnight to Brendon's soft hair.

It's the first time he falls asleep with another man.