Being Jackson.

00.

Jackson Trent.

The recent strings of my misfortunes aren't exaggerated, yes I was hurt, yes I was still hurting and they could no longer be called growing pains because I didn't believe in anything like that anymore, I had undoubtedly been taken advantage of for a long while and now it seems my retaliation was causing backlash, but I don't want to go back to being docile, I want blood.

"Honey go easy on the potatoes, I thought we talked about this, you need to watch what you eat." She was trying to chastise sweetly but the truth of the matter, my mother just saw what everyone saw, a round pig, so she was henceforth trying to control what I eat. "Mom I'm not going to starve myself." I argued grabbing another bread roll. "I'm not saying that." She chuckled humorlessly only to avoid her recent male encounter looking at her differently, since he was at dinner with us.

"Then let me eat please, Kat hasn't even touched her food." I pointed out just next to her where my sister sat typing furiously on her phone, none of her food touched. "Leave me alone." She hissed my way. "I hate everything!" She burst out standing up and stomping to the bathroom, and here I thought I had problems or maybe we all did but in my family, we were supposed to be perfect, crafted from stone and remained so, only that I didn't do as my mother intended, earning her anger.

"She okay?" The man mom had brought to dinner asked, I didn't even remember his name, there had been so many like him before, I've just started ignoring them and focusing on anything else. "She's fine, its that time of the month, her mood is everywhere." She explained and I faced my mother from across the table with a deadpanned expression. "Seriously mom, you're blaming periods for your daughter's outburst." I muttered in a neutral tone.

"Yeah buddy, I have a sister, she drove me nuts when she was going through shark week." My mother's companion answered and all I could do was groan, its as if they both mutually chose to ignore the real issue and blame it on something else entirely, so I sighed and stood up from the table with intent to check on Kat. "I'll be right back." I whispered before walking away.

I was used to people staring at me at this point, I tuned out most of it because I found no reason in indulging them, lost in my own thoughts I made my way toward the bathroom but suddenly stopped. "Jack." He whispered looking up to face me, the hurt rushed back in again, the pain, the betrayal and most of all the self loathing, so I bypassed him and went to the women's bathroom.

"Kat!" I called out once I walked in, luckily it seemed no one was inside except my sister who was crying, so I focused on her instead of my own emotional turmoil. "Kat, I know you're in there, are you okay?" I whispered knocking lightly on her stall door. "Here." I offered my handkerch, well one of several. "What are you doing here Jack, shouldn't you be stuffing yourself." I didn't need to stoop to her level, yet that insult just added more to the injury.

"I just wanted to check on my little sister, sorry for feeling that you needed someone in your corner, I'll go." I told her with the bitterness that was slolwy consuming me, I was tired of people teasing me, making fun of me and truly looking at me as if I were a pig because I was large.

I was an emotionally challenged teen and food helped me, and for a long time instead of consuming, I was consumed by my need to find comfort in food, I grew fat, and everyone instead of actually trying to understand that struggle they had made fun of it.

"Jack I'm sorry please wait." Kat pleaded after abruptly coming out of the stall but I didn't stop, I expected better from her, but I guess it was stupid depending on your sister to see you differently from others. So I took my place at the table again, trying so hard to resist the urge, to resist falling back into routine, I needed to do something about everything even if it would hurt more.

So I pushed away the plate of food in front of me and just nursed the glass of juice next to me, waiting for my mother and her companion to finish speaking in hushed tones and her overly exaggerated giggles. Kat came back and took her seat, giving everyone the illusion we were somewhat a semi normal family, but we were anything but.

"Mom is it okay if I go on ahead, I've got an assignment to finish, its still a school day tomorrow." I asked and that seemed to take her back. "Yes of course honey, take your sister with you, here." She responded handing me her car keys, I quickly grabbed them and made my way out with Kat in tow but this time there was no furious typing on her phone, she just followed silently until we were out of the restaurant and in the familiar streets of Bridgeton city.

"Thank you, for coming to check on me." My sister meekly asserted and I nodded reversing out of the parking spot my mom had found earlier and drove further into the city which surprised Kat since our home was the opposite way. "Where are we going Jack?" She asks looking ahead. "I need a few stuff from sports shack." I told her and she never responded, my sister and I were never like this, we were best friends, we did everything together, until I spiralled.

"I'll be right back." I told her after parking in front of the sporting goods store, it was one of many in the city but this was the closest one, where I had met him. "Jack you're back!" The moment I walked in his enthusiasm hit me, it was refreshing to have someone look at you and not sneer pig, or ugly or passively judge you over how you looked. "Hey Dustin, I —yeah, I need that kit." I told him and he nodded.

Dustin was a senior at Bridgeton High, he was also the only thing that closely resembled a friend to me but I kept my distance at school, lest I make him a social pariah. "You look dapper today, date?" He inquired and I shook my head in refusal.

"My mom wanted us to meet Alfonso number four." I chortled and he laughed along too, it was so easy with Dustin, he didn't seem to be disgusted, or against me being myself, he had even protested my want to start on a program that shed off my weight, I was 6'1 like most active teens in junior year.

I should've been a jock, I loved sports but the sheer backlash I had received when I tried to try out for the soccer team discouraged me from ever trying out any other sport, though nothing else about me was discriminated, it made me wonder about coming out, or being a biracial kid, did people also judge me there, be racially prejudiced, of course these were my own fears but nothing lessened them at all.

"Hey Jack, where did you go buddy?" Dustin chuckled. "You know me and my world of thoughts, I can get lost forever." I joked. "Don't I know it;" He smiled and damn his handsomeness. "So the bag is complimentary, I put in a diet chart just in case, but everything in there is what we discussed, are you sure Jack." Dustin explained and his last question made me feel a whole different way but I nodded.

I was confirming to everything, I wanted to be better, despite everyone judging me I knew how my health was deteriorating if I kept ignoring my own body, so I nodded giving Dustin my credit card. "This is a journey without shortcuts Jack, it will hurt but don't give in and if you need someone to train with come find me, even at school." Dustin exclaimed and the gravity of his words wasn't lost on me. "Thanks Dustin." I accepted, but the pain, I was already feeling.

Being Jackson.

Welp we're off with a great Bang!

When I started writing this story I had gotten inspiration from a lot of people around me and my own personal experiences, its hard being different, being seen differently because of your choices, so I wanted to write about the trials of one particular Jackson Trent.

Note: that any decisions, any thoughts and expressions by any characters are their own and not belonging to me.

With all my love and Gratitude, lets follow Jack as he blooms.

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Saint Jay.