A River of Tears

A Painful Exchange/Hide the Damage

Chapter 1 ~ A Painful Exchange/Hide the Damage

Eleven's POV

"Why didn't you tell me? It could've been important to know that the TARDIS was injured!" I shouted at River. Okay, maybe I was a little mad, but I had a right to be. River withheld essential information from me. "I didn't tell you because I knew you would react like this." River replied calmly. It almost angered me more, how peaceful she was.

"Still, you should've told me!" I replied forcefully. We were at the point in our time streams where she knew me a little less than I knew her. I had already learned of all River's past experiences and her childhood. The effects of it, I was dealing with at the moment. River and I both had different mindsets, and we didn't exactly take suggestions to help ourselves deal with feelings. It was a recipe for disaster, and a disaster it was.

There was a pause where I assessed Old Girl's damages. While I analyzed the data, I tried not to freak out. A few deep breaths, and I was calm. "River," I spoke quietly. "Yes, dear?" she prompted. I sighed before I gave what was about to be a long rant. Maybe now she'd get the point.

"The TARDIS' firewall around the matrix crashed. Apparently it was infected with a virus native to a planet we've recently been to within our last few adventures. Care to enlighten me on how it happened?" I wondered aloud to River. During this small speech, I paced the room to release already built up energy. I didn't want the situation to become more dramatic than it already was.

"I didn't know until it was too late. Even then, I tried to fix it." River paused, then continued. "There's never any easy moment to give bad news, and I didn't particularly want to ruin the fun. I guess there wasn't a good enough time, so I waited until there was one." She finished with a serious expression.

We flirted, fought, and loved like any other married couple. I never wanted to lose River, although it was difficult to remember in these hard times. And even though it was easy for me to yell at River and act all mean, what I wanted to do more than anything else was to wrap her up in my arms. I wanted to show that beautiful woman just how amazing she was.

So instead of wasting pointless words that could only bring pain, I closed the distance between River and I in a single stride. We kissed, and I enjoyed, for that moment, the taste of her lips. This was how our relationship usually went. Our day wasn't complete until we kissed after a fight. Oh, how I loved River and this unusual life with her.

The kiss turned into a second, more passionate kiss. When we finally broke apart for air, River and I stared deeply into each other's eyes. I know it's cliche, but it really helped me to see the hurt in her eyes. Then, by accident, I placed my hands on both sides of River's head. I had only meant to run my fingers through her hair. Images flashed before my eyes of River's childhood with Kovarian. I had accidentally stumbled upon my wife's most recent memories she was dealing with.

I let go of her head and kept my stare down at the floor. I was scared of River's reaction to how I searched her mind without a warrant. Instead of reacting with an emotional outburst, she simply walked away. I couldn't view her face, but I suspected the presence of tears. River wasn't one to make a scene; she'd much rather bottle up her emotions than let someone know she wasn't okay. My only wish was to help River whenever she felt like that. The problem was figuring out how.

But as I gazed at River's retreating figure, an idea came to me. What if I took River to a psychologist? She obviously wouldn't approve of the idea, so I'd have to convince her. That would take a lot of work, yet I was willing to do anything for River. Nothing worried me more than a hurt River; I couldn't stand the thought of her suffering, whether physically or emotionally.

My plan was about to be set in motion. I didn't know if it would work or how far I would get, but all I could do was try. Thus began the quest to persuade River Song to visit a psychologist.

******* Author's Note *********

Sorry this chapter is so short. I meant for it to be more powerful and full of angst, so I'm sorry if it's not. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter and decide to read on. P.S.: The chapter titles, including the actual title of this fanfic, are all the names of Doctor Who soundtracks. Hope you find that inspiring and/or interesting!