A River of Tears

Loving Isn't Knowing (The Almost People Suite)

Chapter 5 ~ Loving Isn't Always Knowing

Another Author's Note: I accidentally lied in the last chapter. I forgot that there's a total of seven chapters, which means that there's two chapters left after this one. Sorry for the confusion. I made this chapter a bit longer, hope you like it! This is where the fun begins... *mischievous laughter*

River's POV

"Have fun!" The Doctor parked the TARDIS as we arrived at our destination. The short journey was anything but safe. In fact, it could be considered the exact opposite. There was lots of muttering and kicking, as well as an assortment of destructive noises. Apparently, the helmic regulator had malfunctioned (yes, again; the Doctor claims it always does that). Anyway, our flight through the time vortex reminded me more of a roller coaster than a smooth sailing cruise ship.

I pushed the TARDIS doors open with a sigh. "I highly doubt the possibility of having fun at a psychologist's office, but I'll try." An annoyed smirk played on my lips not long after I spoke. The Doctor advised me to look on the bright side more often, then exclaimed, "Goodbye!"

I walked away and tried to take my love's advice. Mr. Jacobs was easier to bear with than the first time we talked, but I still didn't trust him completely. I never would. I was, however, surprised when Mr. Jacobs said, "Hello, River. I'm hoping we can become comfortable on a first name basis." Out of utter shock, I stared at Shawn (Mr. Jacobs) for several seconds. "Okay," I finally responded after the slight pause in the conversation. It wasn't awkward and didn't feel weird, thank goodness.

I sat down as usual, but with a slightly improved attitude. Maybe Shawn and I didn't have to be mortal enemies. After all, he was supposed to help me with my problems, not add to them. For once, I somewhat tried to take the Doctor's advice.

"How are you feeling today, River?" Shawn asked politely. I worked towards a common attitude and found that it wasn't too difficult to achieve. "I'm doing fine, and I'm not just saying that, I truly mean it." was my honest response. Shawn smiled genuinely and replied, "Great to hear. Let's dive in a little deeper today, shall we?" He offered tentatively. There was true emotion in his eyes, and I could tell he didn't want to upset me. With this in mind, I accepted.

Shawn and I discussed the truth of my childhood, albeit not the whole truth. I couldn't tell him that I was my best friends' daughter, but I explained as much as I could. He nodded when necessary and asked questions without fake sincerity. Shawn was behaving more comfortably, which was causing me to do the same. I felt more at home in his office than in weeks past. He was very close to being considered a friend, something that didn't happen very often.

I laughed as Shawn told a personal childhood story to ease the tension after my own horrendous tale. Although he claimed he "stole something when he was little", I had a hard time believing him. Shawn didn't seem like the type of guy at all. Either way, it didn't matter. Growing up made people different than they were before, which was sometimes a good thing.

The conversation then turned to other parts of my life that were difficult, but not too terrible to deal with. I boldly expressed my feelings for my husband's safety. Although the real scenario was much more dangerous, I told Shawn about enemies the Doctor had acquired over the years. He didn't seem too surprised, just very understanding. Turning the truth into facts that made sense was a challenge, even for me.

The more I thought to myself, the more I realized the vastness of my own personal improvement. Visiting Shawn really was helping me, a lot more than I thought it would. He helped me see things from a different perspective. That, in turn, caused me to think more in depth about certain aspects of my life. All this time, I'd been thinking of psychologists as scams, full of nothing but lies. After meeting with Shawn, however, my point of view had shifted.

"What problems do you struggle with on a daily basis?" Shawn wondered aloud, pen at the ready. He was still taking notes, although he paid much more attention to me. "Not getting injured is the main one. Being an archaeologist can have its disadvantages sometimes." I informed him. What I really meant was not getting exterminated, deleted, or sent back in time. Same thing, really.

"And does your husband's early Alzheimer's cause you stress?" Shawn spoke softly in a very delicate voice. I looked into his eyes and with a small smile, I said, "Yes, we do have misunderstandings from time to time because of that. It doesn't change our love, though."

Shawn scribbled something down on the clipboard, then glanced tenderly at me. "Do you love him more or vice versa?" He wanted to know. I found it to be a strange question coming from a psychologist, but an interesting question all the same.

I thought for a while before replying. "I honestly can't say. I love him so much, I think to myself, 'It can't be possible to love anyone any more than I do.' And he proves me wrong every time. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's my best friend, my lover, and my healer. He there's for me, even when I'm not always there for him. There's no one else I'd rather be with." I breathed happily. I didn't realize one simple question could have such a long answer. But that's my life with the Doctor. He saved me from Kovarian, and I use every day of my life to repay him.

After I stopped to breathe, I asked Shawn a question. "Do you have someone you love that much?" I asked him gently. He smiled. It was a mischievous smile, and I had no idea why. "Yes, I do, and she loves me more than I can understand sometimes." He replied with a deep breath and a shake of his head. I chuckled quietly. "That's love." I told him.

Time moved in an unusual way, because I nearly didn't believe Shawn when he said that our session was over. My eyebrows were raised, and I almost wondered aloud, "Really?" He pointed to the clock, and for the first time, I didn't feel excited to leave. I had finally become comfortable with Shawn and talking to him that it felt natural.

"Thank you for being more honest with me today, River. I appreciated it." He expressed his feelings graciously as he smiled shyly. I reassured him with a kind, "Thank you for taking the time to talk with me.", then stood up. "Goodbye." I said with a wave of my hand before I turned around to exit the room. "See you later, dear." Shawn replied.

I was in the middle of turning the door knob when I paused. My mind was reeling, and I dared myself to ask. "What did you say?" I wondered aloud, my voice sharp, as I spun around. Shawn tried to not notice his mistake and correct it instead. "I said, 'Have a great afternoon.'" He mumbled quickly. I narrowed my eyes and walked towards him. There was a huge misunderstanding in the room, and it was about to be fixed.