N-Dubz - The Young Days

Chapter 11 - Telling Mum (part two)

[A/N If this upsets you, sorry]

I'd been laying there for what felt like hours, until I was finally taken to hospital. My Mum had been told about my accident and she was sat in the ambulance talking to me, but it sounded like muffling noises. I was slowly starting to regain consciousness, but nothing too major. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness for the next half an hour. I was rushed straight into theatre, as soon as I got to hospital. These doctors weren't messing about! My Mum was told to wait in the family room. They operated, as they suspected I had slight internal bleeding. I was in there for a few hours and it turns out, they found the smallest bit of brain damage. I was taken up to the ward whilst I recovered and I slowly started to come round. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move, it was almost as though, I was trapped in someone else's body....

A short while later

The doctors came to see me and my Mum. I still couldn't move. I was getting really worried now. What if I never moved again? Oh God T, don't think like that. Anyway. the doctor sat on the edge of my bed and started to talk to my Mum.

 "Has she moved at all?" The doctor asked my Mum.

"No, I thought she was going to earlier, but she hasn't" My Mum explained.

What about her speech?" The doctor questioned.

"No, she's not spoken as far as I'm aware. She does keep going to sleep though" My Mum responded.

"It's important that you do try and keep her awake, as she has another operation later on that she needs to go through. We've discovered that she has slight internal bleeding and slight brain damage. The operation she needs for the internal bleeding is risky, as is any operation but there's only a 30-40% chance of survival" The doctor explained.

"You will do everything you can for her?" My Mum feared.

"We have the highest qualified surgeons in this hospital and I assure you, your daughter is in safe hands." The doctor assured my Mum.

Later on that evening.

I'd been through the second operation of the day and the internal bleeding had managed to be minimised. I still hadn't moved any of my arms or legs and there were nurses around my bedside. They suspected I might be paralyzed. If I am, that's brain damage, internal bleeding and I'm paralyzed. All that over some fucking cocaine. Danny came to see me. The nurses had let him in.

"Hey trouble" He smiled.

"Hiya" My Mum replied.

"You OK?" He asked her.

"She might have brain damage, She has a small amount of internal bleeding and she might be paralyzed. She also can't speak at the moment" She explained.

"Oh T" He cried, sitting down next to me.

"I'm really worried, she's not moving, she's not speaking, she's not doing anything" My Mum feared.

"T?" Danny spoke up.

"She won't answer you" My Mum told him.

Danny rushed out of the room. He went down the corridor. He saw a Nurse on her way past.

"Excuse me Nurse, we need someone in here. It's Tula, she's slipped out of consciousness again" Danny explained.

Danny and My Mum were ushered out of the room. They had to wait in the family room, whilst the Nurses worked on getting my heart going again.

The next morning.

The results from my operations had come back. I did have slight brain damage, obviously I had slight internal bleeding and I was paralyzed from the neck downwards. I'll need round the clock care for the rest of my life. I'll never walk again. That's when it dawned on me, just how serious taking drugs really is. 

A few days later

I was home and was struggling to get used to life in a wheelchair. This is how my life was going to be from now on so I may as well accept it. I hated the thought of people fussing and faffing around me but I didn't really have a choice did I? I had to now accept that I'd never be able to walk, move freely or do anything and I'd depend on my Mum for the rest of my life. I also had to see a speech therapist twice a week, so that I could learn to talk again. This wasn't how I imagined life at sixteen years old but I knew I had no one to blame but myself. This was my fault and I knew I couldn't lay the blame on anyone else. Costas and Danny kept coming round to see how I was. Richard couldn't give a stuff about me after everything I'd done to him, not that I can say I blame him. Danny was round at mine now. He was sat on the sofa with my Mum. I hated hearing them talking about me and I couldn't say anything as I can't speak.

"How is she?" Danny asked my Mum.

"Struggling to get used to life in a wheelchair. This has knocked her for six. She hates people fussing and faffing around her and that's what she'll have for the rest of her life" My Mum admitted.

"So she'll be paralyzed forever?" Danny feared.

"Yeah it looks that way" My Mum cried.

"Oh T" He whispered, sitting next to me and holding my hand, even though I couldn't feel it.

Danny's P.O.V

it's just SO hard watching my best friend going through this. She's one of the strongest people I know and she's so brave. I know it's going to be hard for her, to go through this and have to receive constant care for the rest of her life. She always dreamed of being a Mum and carrying a baby, that was, until she started doing drugs and it was too late for her to get any help for her addiction. If only she'd not been so stubborn and she'd come to me for help. I would have helped her to get through it and I'd have been there, no matter what time it was. If only she'd have done that, she wouldn't be in a wheelchair and she wouldn't be limited to the things she can now do.

End of Danny's P.O.V

"I just wish she'd come to me for help. I would have helped her. I said to her "stop being so stubborn and just accept that you need help for this" But of course, the stubborn person that she is, she refused help and believed she could get through this by herself. You weren't on your own T. You had me, Costas, and all your other mates. We'd have listened to you and supported you" Danny announced.

"How long has she done drugs for? Honestly? I need to know" My Mum quizzed him.

"She said she was doing it for months but I only found out last week or the week before" Danny admitted.

"Oh Tula, what have you done? You had all these friends that were willing to help you and you pushed them all away" My Mum sobbed.

"Look, I need to get going because my Mum wants me home soon but I'll see you soon trouble" Danny told me, squeezing my fingers and saying goodbye.

I wasn't sure if I could live like this. I've only been home a day and I'm not used to life like this. I'm used to being out, drinking, partying and having fun. I'm not used to being stuck in a wheelchair, not being able to move and speak. This wasn't how I imagined my life. I always imagined having a husband, about two or three kids, a nice house and a comfortable life. I can't even communicate by writing on pieces of paper because I can't move my hands. How am I going to communicate with people? What the hell have I done? Why didn't I just listen to Danny, stop being so stubborn and get help? If I had, I wouldn't have been knocked down and paralyzed.