Foxxay

7

It's the second time this month Misty has helped wheel me out from the hospital and into my mother's car. This time I'm returning home no longer pregnant. It all happened so fast. I did everything the doctors ordered, and it still didn't work. Six months in, it happened again. I guess it's better that I lost the baby. I know that is a horrible thought to have, but at least it won't be his. This time I have a swirling cloud of emotions around me and it can clearly be felt judging by the weighted silence in the car as I buckle up next to Misty. Fiona looks at me through the rear view mirror. We all sit still for a moment.

"You both don't have to say anything. I've gotten through this so many times. Let's just go home."

Misty placed her hand over mine. I flipped my palm over and gave her a reassuring squeeze after I laced my fingers with hers. Fiona had some talk radio show playing at a low volume, but I knew none of us were listening to it. I sighed when we finally got to the house and the car shut off. Misty and I went through the kitchen door and Fiona stayed outside, probably to smoke. At least she was following some of the house rules. Misty helped me up the stairs. I took a long shower mainly to get the hospital smell off me, but partially to induce some much needed crying. It didn't work. This is the first time I've ever felt like stone. It wasn't even numbness at this point. I stepped out and Misty had my favorite pajamas laid out. She looked up from her thrifted medieval fantasy novel and her brow creased with worry. I shrugged.

"I don't know what to do."

She patted the space next to her and folded the corner of the page she was on. I put the clothes on and snuggled up to her. She held me so close. I wish I could absorb into her skin.

"I just don't know why my body doesn't fucking work."

The tears finally started flooding down my face. She started rubbing comforting circles into my back as my body convulsed with my sobs. My stomach started cramping up. I rolled away and hunched myself into a ball.

"Shit," I groaned through my teeth.

"What's wrong? Is it the stomach thing the doctor told us about? Do you want me to call her?"

I shook my head.

"It is the stomach thing. Mist, I don't mean this in a mean way. I'll tell you when it's doctor-notifying worthy. I appreciate you helping, but I've gotten through this in the worst conditions imaginable multiple times."

She draped her arm over my waist and I squeezed her hand. I rolled back over and wrapped my arms tight around her. I buried my face in her neck.

"Thank you. Thank you for being here with me," I whispered.

She hugged me back and pressed a few soft kisses into my hair before she started playing with it.

"If you wanna talk, you know I'm right here for you. Right here."

She punctuated that last word with a kiss on my forehead. The cramps started up again. I got in a more comfortable position. For the next few hours, we laid in partial silence as I shifted around to relieve my discomfort while still trying to stay in her embrace. I finally gave up.

"Can you read to me?"

She looked down into my eyes, puzzled.

"Ok. Let me make sure my place is marked before I start from the beginning."

I shook my head. "Read from where you were. I need something to distract me and I feel like if I watch something I'll throw up."

She started reading and at some point between page turns, I cried myself to sleep.

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It had been almost two months since I had gotten back from the hospital and I was having the worst insomnia ever. I went downstairs and put the kettle on for my now nightly chamomile tea. When I turned around to set a timer, I almost fainted at the sight of my mother standing across the island, whithered and meek.

"We need to talk. I know I don't look my usual glamorous self. That's part of the talk."

What the hell is going on? Sure I haven't seen her in a couple weeks, but how has she gotten this bad without me noticing? I sat down in one of the chairs at the island and she sat next to me.

"Don't say anything. I need this to get through what I'm about to say," she muttered while lighting a cigarette. "Now as you can tell, I'm not doing too great. As one Supreme rises, another fades, and Cordelia... I can feel the magic practically radiating off of you."

My eyes widened. "Mother that's not possible. If I was the next supreme... well I would feel it."

She shook her head. "Cordelia, I knew from the moment you entered the world it was you. You are the daughter of the Supreme! You might not feel it because you're in one of your... moods. But I do. I know. I can feel it. I don't have much time left. I'm telling the council in the morning and I'll have you perform the Seven Wonders on Sunday morning. This is my final decision."

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't even look at her in this state.

"And you will be staying here until then?"

She scoffed. "Of course! I'm thinking of teaching a class or two. Those girls will be able to say they got a lesson from the Fiona Goode. Oh, and I'm selling the penthouse in New York. That should take care of you for a good while when I'm gone."

I don't know why that triggered my throat to swell up and my eyes to water. I always thought she would die far away from me and alone. I don't need this right now. The kettle went off. I got up to make my tea.

"Well?"

I sighed. "I have nothing nice to say."

"I can still hear you loud and clear."

We sat in a familiar intense silence as I steeped my tea. I finally turned to face her when I gathered my thoughts.

"Why not tell me earlier?"

"Oh please, Cordelia. You should've figured it out by now. I knew at thirteen years old that I was destined for this! You've always been too wrapped up in your own self pity to see what's right in front of you. You're so fragile. Well, I guess you are your father's daughter after all."

My hands balled up. "Don't. Oh that is so not fair. You know what, I'm sick and tired of dancing around it. You drive away and isolate every single person who loves you. You never even gave me a chance. You are probably the reason he did it."

She stood up. Shit.

"Young lady, you don't know what you're talking about. He was sick in the head. Him jumping off that bridge was never my fault. And you have always been hard to love. You started taking my life away as soon as yours started. Of course I'm going to resent you."

"Fuck you, Fiona. Keep your stupid penthouse money. Misty's birthday is tomorrow, I don't want you here. Get a hotel. I'm so over your shit."

"I will stay here because I am your supreme. You better brush up on your studies and prepare yourself for Sunday because there will be no getting out of it. Understand?"

I felt my face burning up with rage.

"Go to Hell."

"Don't test me, Cordelia. If I wasn't so lightheaded I would've already smacked you."

I immediately left the kitchen without even touching my tea again. I rushed upstairs and laid down. I felt like I was thirteen and being sent away again. I knew I was going to cry so I wrapped myself around Misty and started my breathing exercises. She nuzzled her head into my shoulder and murmured something, still half asleep. I closed my eyes and focused on her soft inhales until I drifted off to sleep.