Eternal Winter // finnick odair

2- I volunteer

NOW EDITED
Screams go up everywhere through the victors village, I have no doubt that mine are amongst them. Finnick. He has to back in that arena, we have no other male victors, I have to go back too. I'm never going to let Mags or Annie go back in. Mags is old and definitely wouldn't make it back out, so many people would be devastated. As for Annie, the games drove her crazy, there is no way I'm letting her go back in.

The wave of emotions that hit me all at once are so overwhelming so I do what I do best. I swim. I sprint down to the docks as fast as I could (which is really fast) not even caring that I'm still in my clothes. As soon as I reach the end I dive. I dive straight down through the water and to the bottom. At first I just sit there under water with a million questions running through my head. The question I actually stop to think about is a bad one. How long would it take to drown myself? The questions after that flood in. Would it hurt? Would I really be reunited with my family as I've told myself all the other times I've thought about this? Would anyone care that I was gone? Then all of a sudden the loneliness and depression disappears and a new emotions overtakes my system. Determination.

I swim to the top and climb out to see Finnick sitting in the edge of the dock.
"Are you ok?"
I don't know why but his question annoys me so much. We haven't been friends for years, I've been on my own for so long and he only now asks if I'm ok? This is a question he should have asked years ago.
" like you care "
Was all I could say back. I was upset, I was beyond upset. I was so emotional about going back in to that arena that I cried the whole way back home . I stopped on the way to visit mags and Annie, by then I had tried to stop my tears but it hadn't worked too well. Annie was a lot worse than me, she was having a breakdown, her screams tore me apart inside. I knew then that I had to go in to the arena, I didn't even have a choice in the matter. The both have people who love them, people that will be waiting for them to come home. I think I actually deserve to go back in to the arena, to be tortured like this. To die.

In my games, even before I had my trident I killed. I was stealthy, I was so good at lying it became one of my best weapons. I was smart, I could make plans that were impossible to go wrong. Best of all I was a killer, everyone thought I was the most dangerous person in the games but only one person knew for sure. Me. The Capitol called me the hunter as well as the sea goddess. That's exactly how I killed them, like they were deer. Quietly, sneakily, deadly. I refused to join the career pack when they offered, it's so much better to go it alone. Using my spear I killed the boy from 3 and the girl from 9 in the bloodbath. Even though I could use my spear I wasn't good enough to win with it. It was too light, when I threw it I completely skewered the person. It was too dangerous because I couldn't control it, it could easily be knocked out of my hands. I killed the boy from 12 by throwing knives, it was only to put him out of his misery. I would have been allies with him if he wasn't dying. Maybe that's why Haymitch sent me the trident, both of his tributes were already dead anyway. Then there was the trident. I killed the girl from 2, the boy from 2, the girl from 7 and the girl from 6. They were violent kills, and I only did what I did to get out. I left flowers for each tribute I killed.

I used to spend hours going insane trying to get the blood off my hands. I know it isn't physically there but in a way it is. I'm a murderer I deserve to die. You never forget the people you killed, they were innocent and young. None of them deserved to die.

After leaving Mags and Annie I ran up the stairs and collapsed in my bed. Exhaustion took over and I immediately drifted off to sleep.

The blood sprayed a little, a few drops landing on my hands. The tears drop down my face silently as I'm overcome with guilt. He asked for me to kill him, he was dying and in pain, slowing dying from the blood loss. One leg was mangled and raw from a mutt he had run in to, his neck was dripping with blood from where it had been sliced by the careers. He had some fingers cut off and broken bones, they tortured him, the careers. They made him like this. A new wound had been added to his body, the one that killed. A single stab mark from where my knife impaled him right where his heart is. I didn't want to kill anymore, I didn't want to be in the games. As my tears turned to sobs all my emotion came out. The sobs racked my body, my shoulders heaved. Then I heard the infamous, familiar sound of a parachute, I had heard it once before when I was stalking the girl from 5. It was the most beautiful trident I had ever seen, at that moment I knew I could win.

I wake up crying, that dream is one of my more frequent ones. I hate it so much, even more than the ones when I violently kill people. I was so weak and I showed the whole of panem. I had no family, no friends, no one left. No one to hold me when I got home, no one to show me love after my nightmares, no one to swim with, no one to help me. No one to love. I think that's the thing I miss most about my old life. Love. I had love from Cyrus, I had love from mum, I even had love from Finnick. Not a romantic love but one between friends.

I get dressed in the outfit I used to wear to the reaping. It is pale blue, soft and silky. It goes just below my knees. This dress means a lot to me. I was wearing it the day Cyrus was reaped, I wore it at Finnicks reaping, and at my reaping. Once I'm dressed I don't bother eating, I know I won't be able to hold it down. There's a knock at the door and the peacekeepers enter to guide me to the stage in the town square. The town square is right outside the justice building and is where the reaping is held every year. Once there I walk up the steps and stand next to the females bowl with Annie and mags. Next to the male bowl is Finnick smirking and looking like he has this in the bag.

The escort for district 4 steps on to the stage and looks absolutely ridiculous. Her name is Frostine Kincardine. She has midnight blue hair, it's a very dark and deep colour. Her skin is tinted a pale blue and her eyes have been altered to be an electric blue. He dress puffs put to at least 50cm in front of her knees and is a hideous neon yellow with black studs around the bottom. She wears black pumps which are so high I wonder how she can even walk, they have neon yellow spikes and studs stuck to them.
" Welcome to the 75th annual hunger games! How very exciting, as always ladies first"

A million thoughts race through my mind while Frostine walks over to the bowl. What if it's me and mags volunteers? It would be stupid of her but it's something Mags would probably do. Frostine waves her hand over the bowl taking longer than she needs to. There are only three slips of paper and as she pull one out I hope it's not me so Mags doesn't go in.
" Annie Cresta "
I watch as Finnick's face falls, they have become quite close over the years. She won five years ago, the games after mine. I was one of her mentors but she spent majority of her time working with Finnick, there was a 12 year old and so I wanted to mentor him. He reminded me so much of my brother.
" I volunteer as tribute "
I say as loud as I can, it doesn't even sound like me, I sound broken and strangled. I watch Finnicks head snap up and he looks even more distressed than before. Annie is crying and screaming and hugs me as I stumble on stage not feeling so brave anymore. A few years slide down my face and on to my dress, this is the last time I will ever see my home.
"Now for the men"

Frostines voice is broken, she sounds like she's about to cry. I'm a favourite of the Capitol, they called me a goddess of the sea as well as the hunter. They had a massive lake in my games and I swam so fast that to the other side that all the tributes that couldn't swim faster than the mutts in the water drowned trying to follow me. I swam like I did back at home, like a fish. Frostine has reached the males bowl and we all know who's coming out of it. There's only one tiny slip in the bowl, taunting us all. Frostines blue hand picks it up and walks back to the microphone in the centre of the stage.
" Finnick odair "

Finnick saunters on stage like the arrogant ass he pretends to be. He looks at the cameras with a face full of pride and his famous smirk that drives the ladies crazy. Then he looks at me and I see so many things in those beautiful sea green eyes of his. I see sadness, desperation, despair, and determination. If I dedicate myself to one thing in these games it will be bringing Finnick home. I will do my best to bring him back, whether he wants me to or not. He has a family waiting for him so it's decided.

Ladies and gentlemen the victor of the 3rd quarter quell will be Finnick Odair. I have my heart set on it.