Eternal Winter // finnick odair

3- best friends?

NOW EDITED
I climb in to the train that is filled with luxuries. The Capitol think that we should live in luxury for our last week alive, maybe they think it will make us not hate them as we die slowly, or if we win. We head in to the sitting room and wait for Mags who will be mentoring us this year. Annie has been deemed unfit to mentor, they didn't even let us say goodbye to her.

Frostine tells us how the Capitol will be so excited to see us, in reality they're the ones that are killing us. I tune out until I hear Frostine open that trap of hers and starts talking about how we have earned this.
" You two need to relax and enjoy, you've worked so hard to earn it all"
To earn it all? I killed people. I'm a murderer and I have to live with it every day. She thinks we've worked hard to get where we are now? No, I didn't have to work hard, I had to put up with all the sh*t the Capitol put me through.
" You think we've earned? You think we've tried hard? We killed and thats something you can never take back"

After my little outburst I leave and go to my room, I use the same room I always use when I mentor.

The first time I mentored I didn't sleep at all, I was too scared. I took pills that Capitol supplied me with to stop me from sleeping, to keep me awake with out being too tired. I drank a lot of coffee too, it was a terrible experience. The second time I mentored I knew I couldn't do what I did last time, and Finnick had caught on to what I was doing and took the pills. Even while I was at home. Finnick and the tributes from that year were watching the reaping, I couldn't bear it. I left to go sleep. I actually fell asleep but it wasn't long after that a nightmare invaded my mind. This was the one when I watch Cyrus being killed.

As always Finnick woke me up to put an end to my horrified screams. This time it wasn't just Finnick though, because we weren't at home. Our two tributes were standing in front of the door with terrified looks on their faces. The girl was only 15 and reminded me so much of myself. She asked in such a small, quiet voice if that's what would happen if she won. I put on the Capitol act and told her that winning was an honour but I know the look in my eyes told her otherwise. I was scared to death of what she would do if I told her the truth.

I climb in to the Capitol bed and soon go to sleep. Before any nightmares could occur I am woken up by someone entering my room. I just lay there and pretend I'm sleeping. The person climbs in to the bed and wraps their arms around me making my body go stiff. I know who it is instantly though, I get the same feeling that I used to. I know it's Finnick.
"Finn?"
I honestly don't know why I called him that. I always used to, when I was 10 and he was 12 we had funny nicknames for each other. He was my shark fin and I was his mermaid. I don't know what I want him to say but I wait anyway. It is silent for a while, I can hear our breathing and the beat of his heart. Then Finnick decides to speak up.
" I'm sorry Ria, I'm so sorry. I ruined our friendship, you were all i needed to be happy but when snow killed my dad I had to protect you. I turned to drinking all through the games but then you were reaped and I cried for hours on that train. I told myself I would stop drinking and help you but I couldn't. It was all too painful and now I need you to help me, please. Let me stay tonight, there are too many nightmares. "

His apology was so sudden, there's a part of me that just wants to hold him and make the nightmares go away. I have to be reasonable though, he apologised but that doesn't mean we'll be friends again. What if I let him stay and when we wake up in the morning he acts like it never happened? I don't think I could handle losing him twice.
" Finnick we aren't exactly friends anymore"
Is all I say. It should answer all his questions however Finnick doesn't move from his position next to me. I can feel him sigh, his warm breath tickling the back of my neck. It makes me smile and I remember a time when we were like this.

Finnick and I were at the beach together, we were at a special place that we shared with Cyrus. He had just died in the games. Cyrus and I used to spend a lot of time here, Finnick came here with us too. We were the only people to know about it. There was a wooden bench that hung from ropes which Finnick and Cyrus put up, and a bay that had crystal clear water. Cyrus would sit on the bench and watch us swim. I was lying under the bench with a blanket when Finnick climbed in. He hugs me from behind and after a short silence he whispered in my ear
" best friends? "
I was glad to have a best friend. Someone that understood the loss and pain I was going through. So I whispered back to him.
" best friends "

Finnick has come closer now and his breath fans my ear. His face is right next to mine as he leans down and whispers in my ear
" best friends again? "
He wants me back, I'm overcome with joy. After so long I finally feel wanted again and it's so exciting. I'm caught up in a new emotion, one I haven't felt before.I can feel my heart beat again. I feel alive.
" best friends again "
I whisper back as a sort of confirmation. Finnick buries his face in to the crook of my neck and I can feel his smile on my skin. He tries to tell me how much he missed me but it just sounds funny, all coming out as murmurs because his face is still in my neck.

I sleep with no nightmares that night. Maybe it's Finnick, maybe it's the fact that I was content for once last night. Maybe it was because I felt so safe in Finnick's arms that there was nothing to be afraid of. Soon mags comes in to wake me up and is surprised to find Finnick sound asleep in my bed while I pace nervously around the room.

I don't know what I was thinking letting Finnick in again because these are the hunger games and only one person comes out.