The Tortoise and His Sunrise | ✓

21. Doubt

"What about the turning into a bat part?" Nolan asked. "Or whatever you used to turn into."

After a brief pause, he said, "Did you turn into some other animal? Both Sierra and I would turn into bats. I thought it was the same for everyone else."

"What, didn't you learn that from another person that you guys turned?"

Annoyance flooded his voice. "I never turned anyone. I would never subject another person to what we went through. And anyone that Sierra ever turned wanted nothing to do with her afterwards."

"Obviously." Nolan shrugged. "Well? Do you still transform into a bat?"

"No, I'm completely back to normal. My body clock isn't fixed to fall asleep during the day anymore. I can adjust it however I want, and I don't turn into anything no matter how much I stay up."

It sounded so simple and easy. All Nolan had to do was stay in the sunlight until he turned back to normal. Then we could be together for the rest of our lives. He could live out the rest of his life without eventually having to move away somewhere where nobody knew or recognized him.

It sounded too good to be true.

Nolan said, "Maybe you're just making all this up to keep us away from Eri—Sierra."

A bitter smile settled on his face. "I wouldn't use the story of killing my own dad if I were. I'm just sharing this with you because I can see that you don't want to live like this."

"If that's all we have to do to become a normal human again, then why isn't Sierra back to normal too?"

"I've already told you," he said. "She isn't like you or me anymore. By the time I discovered that it was reversible, she could already change into a bat at will. Do you know how hard she trained to make that happen? She doesn't want to turn back anymore."

"What about you? Why did you risk everything going into the sun? It's not like you're alone. You have your sister to keep you company."

I wondered if Nolan posed that question because he felt like he was alone. Did he feel like there was nobody truly by his side because he would outlive them all while keeping the same appearance?

Tears welled up in my eyes, ignoring my attempts to blink them away.

Maybe he wasn't wrong. How long could I stay with him? We'd talked about loving each other for the rest of our lives, but now the idea that we could even last past college was almost laughable.

"I did it because I couldn't live like that anymore. Watching Sierra change into someone I couldn't recognize and not being able to stop her, not being able to enjoy the sun, even just being around others who smell like food ..." His voice lowered into a whisper. "Sometimes I can't even live like this. What we did to our dad ..."

My stomach twisted into a pretzel. We were standing in a deserted alley with a guy who'd killed his own dad—if the story that he was telling us was true.

"If she's so hopeless, then why are you here? Why don't you go live your own life instead of acting like a bouncer for her?"

With a morose expression, he said, "That's easier said than done. She's still my sister. I can't give up on her."

Nolan said nothing. His profile was inscrutable. I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

Was he considering the 'solution' this guy had offered to him? Did he believe what this guy was saying?

I cast my glance down the long stretch of this alley. Sierra was long gone by now. Even if we left now, there was no way we'd be able to find her.

Judging from what her self-proclaimed brother had said, she was basically unhinged. In light of this knowledge, it would be unwise to continue searching for her.