Lisette

Chapter 2 ~ A Woman by Herself

Enjolras stood there, awkwardly, as though he were unsure as to what to do about me.

"I don't know if - that is to say - if you'd like me to - after everything that's happened to you - I don't mean to seem..."

"What?" I asked. "Don't worry about causing offence - most others don't worry about such things."

"Well, there's a wash stand in the corner, and I can fetch some water upstairs and boil it over the fire, if you wanted to clean yourself up a little while I'm out?"

"Thank you. I should like that."

He took the bucket by the door, and went out. I stayed sat on the bed, but pulled out the contents of my pockets. The remains of my sewing kit, a broken piece of comb, a small piece of ribbon, the end of a pencil, a fragment of mirror, some scraps of paper. All I had left. The broken remains of a past life, before I'd had to think about anything so important as supporting myself. 

Enjolras returned, the bucket full of water, filled the kettle with some of it, and hung it over the fire. 

"Have you any other clothes?" he asked.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. 

"Of course not! I've hardly had the money for such things. In truth, I've been wondering about selling my jacket. It would be warmer this winter with it, but without it I could afford food for a while. Even last winter, in the garret, it was a case of learning to use a petticoat as a blanket, a blanket as a petticoat, sharing a candle, eating by the light of the window across the street..."

"Here," he said, going back to the cupboard where he pulled out a shirt. "You can have this as something clean to put on after you've washed some of the grime off. And when you're better, I'm sure some new clothes can be got for you. You certainly need new shoes."

I looked down at my shoes. The soles were badly tied on with string encircling the sole and the upper, and the heels were wearing through. My stockings, pulled down and wrinkling to hide the holes, were hardly doing their job either, and both my petticoat and chemise were worn and patched.

"I can't afford new clothes. I told you!"

"That doesn't matter. I can." 

"And what will you expect in return, monsieur?"

"Nothing."

I couldn't help but laugh, for all that my ribs complained at me. "You really expect me to believe that? No one ever offers such help for nothing in return."

"I do. It's something we were talking about when you were asleep - Combeferre, Joly, and I." He swung the kettle back off the fire, as it began to boil, and poured it into the bowl in the washstand. "Combeferre was saying that it's all very well to want to help people by effecting big changes, but that helping individuals was just as important, if not more so. That to help the people, we have to see them as individuals, not simply as a faceless mass. My parents are wealthy. With an allowance of five thousand francs a year, I have more than enough money to be able to help at least some people directly." 

"So I'm a charity case."

"Whatever you are, you're in need of help, and it's help that I'm capable of giving. Now - water, washcloth, soap," he said, pointing to each in turn. "I'm going to go and see if I can bring back a couple of pies for dinner. Elsewise, I've got cheese, and can pick up some bread from the bakers. I'll be about half an hour or so."

He left, and I pulled the chair at the desk over to the washstand, so I could sit and make some attempt at removing some of the filth. I undid my petticoat, and pulled it off, untying the pockets beneath that, and removed them too. Then I pulled off my chemise, and looked down at my unclothed body for the first time in months. It was smaller, bonier than I remembered, but that was only to be expected. Mostly hidden under the accumulated filth of the streets. As I washed as much of my torso as I could reach, I could see bruises blooming on my arms and body, some in the clear shape of handprints. Everything hurt - inside, and out. The water in the bowl was already going grey-brown with the dirt, and the washcloth was filthy. Feeling almost as though I was taking something that wasn't meant for me, I took the shirt Enjolras had left, and put it on.