Lisette

Chapter 42 ~ Loneliness and Isolation

I didn't sleep overly well that night, metaphorically kicking myself for having completely forgotten about Marius. I knew Enjolras would have thought me silly for it, but I couldn't help it. On the upside, it made a change from not being able to sleep on account of nightmares. I resolved to go and see him the following day, and to take the card I had drawn for him with me.

It was difficult to get up in the morning - the darkness, and the coldness of the air made me reluctant to leave the warmth of Enjolras's embrace. Eventually, I was forced to get up on account of the fact that he was going out to a talk, and despite the three blankets on the bed, along with a sheepskin, I was too cold without him there too. I dressed, and spent most of the day working in front of the fire, trying to keep my fingers warm. Marius was likely to be out working at the book sellers if he wasn't at at lectures, so I decided that the best time to visit him would likely be at the end of the day. Then again, even if he wasn't at home, I could always leave the card for him.

Left to my own devices, with no distractions for my thoughts, my mind ended up wandering. I couldn't help but feel guilty. I knew all too well the loneliness and isolation that came with poverty, and Marius had few enough friends. I'd been too caught up in the pleasure of friendship and companionship provided by the students and Musichetta and Claudine, and then later on with the pleasure of having Enjolras all to myself - my resolution to visit Marius had completely slipped from my mind. I knew there was nothing I could do to change the past - all I could do was to make a somewhat belated visit. Besides, it's not like I'd told him that I was planning on visiting him on New Year's Day, and having left it a bit later, I could now tell him what I'd discovered about Thénardier. It was difficult not to dwell on it though. 

Thinking of changing the past, I also couldn't help thinking about Montparnasse. It was more than a year since the incident now, and I wished I could just forget about it entirely. While I hadn't seen him again since that time he crept up behind me, I still dreaded running into him whenever I was out on my own, even though I was now more able to protect myself. With the winter cold, Grantaire and I had agreed to stop the lessons with singlesticks until perhaps March, when the weather began to grow warmer again. I still hadn't arranged a time for Enjolras to come and see, and made a mental note to sort that out at some point.

I tried to distract myself by working out how to tell Marius about Thénardier without saying too much that Monsieur Fauchelevent would rather I didn't say, especially keeping Cosette's name out of it. She'd mentioned two hideous figures in her past who I assumed were the Thénardiers, but presumably she couldn't remember much. I wanted to talk to her more about her past, but Monsieur Fauchelevent would probably rather I didn't.

I set off towards the Salpetriere district shortly after the bells at Saint-Sulpice sounded half-four. I wore the pelisse Enjolras had given me, as well as my bonnet and the walking cane Grantaire had given me, and put the card for Marius in my pocket. The sun was beginning to fade, and there was a light dusting of snow, making the Luxembourg gardens sparkle as I cut through them. Wearing the pelisse over the top of my two petticoats, I was warmer walking outside than I had been for a while, and I couldn't help but feel immensely grateful towards Enjolras.

To my relief, Marius was there when I knocked on his door.

"I almost didn't recognise you, wearing that," he smiled, as I came in and took my bonnet off.

"Well, I haven't had it very long! Hopefully it means Montaparnasse won't recognise me either."

"Were you visiting for any particular reason?"

"Can I not just visit you because I like your company?"

"Yes, of course, but it's been a while - not counting Midnight Mass, I think the last time I saw you must have been at Monsieur Mabeuf's."