Abused and Unloved~

Chapter Eight

Monotonous days passed with complete silence.

I made a point to my parents delight to refrain from speaking with Kaylee for too long. She wasn't allowed in my room and walks to school were usually filled with one word responses to her stories and questions. It was obvious that my change in demeanor affected and confused her but I refused to put her at risk again.

Jayden and I would pass each other in the halls and he'd purposely avoid my eye contact and presence overall. It hurt me more than I cared to admit but I had no one else to blame but myself.

The circumstances of my situation felt amplified mainly because I had allowed myself a moment of normalcy. I had dipped my toe into the lake of socialization and let myself experience what it was like to not be completely isolated and now that the opportunity has been torn from my hands, I don't know what to do with myself.

Waking up daily and following the same routine felt more difficult than it ever had. My skin reacted differently to being marked after having been held. And keeping my secret a secret seemed more pointless than ever before.

It was almost like fate had a bone to pick with me, but I didn't know what exactly I had done to deserve it.

At one point I began to research coping mechanisms because it was as if all of mine had recently stopped working. But nothing appeared realistic and dragging myself out of this slump seemed impossible.

Nothing had changed from the way it was before, but it was like I'd lost my touch. I don't know how to be numb anymore, how to stop myself from feeling so deeply, or stop myself from caring. And it was all the more annoying because I could hear Jayden's words ringing in my ear constantly about how that was the one thing he admired about me. Now that I don't even have that ability anymore I guess it's good that he's gone, because he'd realize how lack luster I truly am.

Which is something Jessica from two weeks ago would have wanted instead of feared.

Kaylee had come home from the hospital with mild retrograde amnesia. Things started to come back to her in waves but the doctor said it was possible some things would never resurface, especially if they're strongly correlated to trauma. I knew as soon as I heard that it wasn't likely she'd remember finding out about our parents unless one of us told her, and I wasn't going to be the one to do it.

So the hierarchy in our house was reestablished— Kaylee was the princess and I was back to being the only despised and outcasted member of the family, tortured anytime my parents had an itch to scratch.

It pained me when I thought back to how it could have been, it was true that Kaylee knowing things worsened the situation in the long run because it meant my parents needed to find a new target to love bomb but it was unusually comforting for me because I finally had someone to confide in who wouldn't immediately run to the police for my parents capture. Though altogether I guess the cons of the situation far outweigh the pros. My feelings weren't more important than anyone's safety.

But it was so much easier to accept my circumstances when I had this concrete idea in my head that no matter what Kaylee did she could never be dropped to the same level as me, because she was their baby and Christian's own flesh. Now that I knew that all it took for them to hate her was for her to hate them, every facade once in place shattered, and my situation didn't feel fair anymore.

Still, I couldn't ruin my sister's life due to feelings of jealousy, so I simply distanced myself.

To think, all these confounding feelings could have been avoided if I had just stuck to routine. If I would have stuck to my guns and never agreed to hangout with Jayden Gonzalez I never would have been offered the prospect of having a friend, I would have been home on time, my beating wouldn't have been so loud or severe, and Kaylee never would have witnessed what she did. All would have been as it was.