Tora's Sacrifice

2. Dear John

"She looks sick. I feel so bad for her."

"I'm sure it was because she wouldn't put out."

"Can you blame him? Amber's much hotter."

"She would've made a great Luna. Now we have the school's revolving door as our Pack Mother."

I kept to myself and ignored the whispers as I continued down the hall toward my new room. It had been three weeks since my absolution of mine and Nate's mating, but it felt like it had been years. I knew I looked bad, but I couldn't find it in me to actually put effort into my appearance anymore. My dark curls were tossed into a ratty bun and they hadn't been washed in nearly three days. My face, while it was washed and oil free, was pale. It looked like I had never been outdoors in my life. And to top it off, I was wearing a pair of Sean's pajama bottoms and his football jersey. I didn't give a damn how terrible I looked, I felt worse and I wasn't going to put on a brave face unless I had to. I clasped my hands in front of me and caught site of the black cursive writing on my wrist.

"I need you like a lighthouse on a coast."

While I knew it was the words to a cheesy country song, it was also the words I had tattooed into my skin the day of my 18th birthday this year. They were the same words that Nate had whispered to me the night he had found out I was his mate. I could still feel his hand on my skin as he pulled me close during our dance that night. The way the breeze danced in my hair. The scent of the lake drifting around us. The feeling of the Pack's eyes on us as we swayed to the music. I had been only sixteen, but already so in love with my mate. Admittedly, I had crushed on him all my life and had never expected him to show any interest in me, especially since we were four years apart in age.

"The Goddess makes choices that we sometimes don't understand, baby girl. You don't question it, just go with it." Daddy had said this when I'd asked why I was mated to someone so much older. I had tried to keep this in mind whenever things worked out differently than I had planned. I had tried to remember this last week. I knew the Goddess had a purpose for bringing Amber and Nate together even though I didn't understand it.

Through the last three weeks, things had been a little difficult. Nate had tried to talk to me a few times, but someone was obviously looking down on me because he was always interrupted by my family, Amber or Sean. I tried my hardest to avoid Amber too. She was downright nasty since the moment she'd come home. Not only had she pushed me to switch rooms, she'd also made sure that I was as far away as possible from the Alpha suite. I was now on the lowest level of the house without actually putting me in the basement. I wasn't going to complain too much, actually, I was relieved. I didn't have to hear them together.

I was also grateful that my teachers knew about the parting because they made sure to give me busy work. I was elbow deep in Chemistry and Algebra II homework nearly every day this week. It was closing in on the last few days of school, I only had to go for another two or so and then I was done. I hadn't decided what I was going to do after. My father had called me to his office and said that he would fund a trip for me and Sean to go on a month long vacation, no questions asked. It was tempting, but I had yet to bring it up with Sean. He had duties to the pack and I wasn't sure that he would be comfortable with leaving for that long. If Sean didn't want to go, I would probably go by myself. I couldn't stay here for much longer. I needed a few weeks away from this circus.

My feet scraped the floor, my chipped purple painted toe nails sticking out against the stark cream color of the carpeted hall. Normally, I would have been right on getting them redone. I wasn't a fan of my toes being naked, but I had only ever gone to get my feet done with Nate. It was his treat to me every two weeks. Not that it was the only thing he did for me, but it was one of the few that he insisted on. We'd go get my hair done, my toes, then we'd spend the day out shopping or on a day long date. Saturdays had been our days, but now his were going to be filled with planning the Union Ceremony and the birth of our future Alpha. Mine? I had spent last Saturday locked in the room with Sean. He had held me for hours as I pressed my face into his neck while I cried. I spent so long crying that I ended up asleep, only to wake up still in Sean's arm. He was asleep by the time that I woke up, so I just laid there thinking. I had wondered why I couldn't have a mate like Sean. Someone who was waiting for his mate to come along before losing his virginity, who didn't want to squander that moment on anyone but the one who the Goddess had made just for him. But even then it felt wrong. I didn't know why Nate had slept with Amber, but then again, I didn't care why. He did it and now I was one of those women who had to face the fact that she apparently wasn't good enough for her mate.

"Glaring at your toes isn't going to make them perfect again, Tee." The blood in my veins froze and my heart jumped into overdrive. His voice was still perfection to me; smooth and rough at the same time, calming and still warmed me from the inside. I didn't understand why I still had to feel this way about someone I should hate with my whole heart.

"Please, Alpha, I'm just going to go to my room." I whispered lowly, bowing in respect while also avoiding his gaze. His eyes had been my favorite thing about him.

"Tee. Please talk to me. "My nickname on his lips dared me to forgive him, dared me to forget what he'd done. I shifted uncomfortably on my feet, wishing I could just disappear - I was waiting for the floor to swallow me whole. I needed to be gone. I needed him to go, to let me wallow in my pain, to allow me to try to heal. I didn't want to hear his reasoning, his apologies.

Nothing would fix what he'd done to me.

Nothing would fix the deep scars that now marred my heart.

Nothing could change the fact that I wasn't going to be his mate, his wife, the mother of his children.

Nothing would change the fact that I wasn't allowed to be his anymore.

"Alpha, I have asked permission to leave the Pack." The words flew from my mouth surprising not only me and Nate, but those who were listening around us. We were Wolves with advanced hearing, we were also a family of nosy asses but it came in handy if you wanted to be backed up in an argument. No one was really expecting this, except me. I hadn't planned on letting him know about my plans, but I had already talked to Alpha Dane, his father and also Alpha Shay, Sean's father. I had been granted permission from both sides and most of my room was already packed. I had been stalling for days.

"Tee, you can't." His voice was hoarse, dry sounding. Of course I had expected his response when I had thought about this for the first time, but I knew I could leave. I was just showing the proper respect by asking his permission since he was acting Alpha. As long as I had at least permission from one high ranking wolf in the Pack, I was free to do as I had planned.

"Tee."

"Alpha, my name is Tora." My voice was surprisingly strong and my tone was enough to get me in trouble, but he didn't say anything about it, instead, he said nothing. I was confused, but mostly angry. Why couldn't he just allow me to go? It would give us the distance to make this easier.

"Te-" He began, only to stop himself, "Tora, don't go." But I wasn't hearing it. I needed to go. I needed to try to move on with my life, even if I knew already that it wasn't possible.

I needed to at least try.

"I will be gone by sunset, Alpha. Thank you for allowing me to stay in your home." I bowed again before rushing off to finish up my room. When I finally arrived to the solace of what would be my room for only another few hours, I let go of the tidal waves of pain I had held in. The tears finally fell.

He had thrown away us for sex.

My world had revolved around him. The sun had risen and set because of him. I would have given anything to make him happy. I had changed myself to make him a better Alpha. I had taken extra classes to educate myself on Pack Law, I had taken French, Spanish and German classes in order to help guide us through the annual International Alpha Gatherings. I had worked for nearly a year with his mother trying to learn the ropes on how to be a good Luna. I had given up years of my life in order to make our future possible and he had thrown it away for what? A good roll in the sack?

It was a suffocating feeling to realize just how much I had lost in such a short amount of time. He hadn't just been my future husband, my mate or even my Alpha. He had been the one person I should have been able to count on for the rest of my life.

He was supposed to be my best friend and he had failed me.