Tora's Sacrifice

6. Tonight I Wanna Cry

** Nathaniel's Point of View**

I knew from the moment that Amber had walked into my hotel room that night six months ago that I was going to regret everything. I had no defense. Sure, I was drunk, but really? I was mad at Tora, horny and jealous. She was back home, studying for some exam when she called to say goodnight, only to be swept away by Sean for a night at the local fair in the middle of our conversation.

At first, she was hesitant to go. She was making excuses but I could tell that she wanted to. She loved anything to do with fair food and carnival rides. I knew this, Sean knew this and Tora knew this. I was jealous because he got to do those things with her. His father still held his Alpha title and enjoyed allowing Sean to live out his youth a little. I was always gone since my father thought I was old enough to handle things on my own. It was a problem for my relationship with Tora. Sure I only had another few months before she graduated and we could complete our mating, but I was tired of waiting. I had this beautiful mate who had been forcing me to wait for three years to touch her. Yeah, we made out and I got to feel her up a little, but really? I wanted my mate.

I ended up telling Tora to go and insisting she have a good time instead of trying to get her to stay on the phone with me. I wanted to sulk in private. She said her goodbyes and her I love yous and she was off.

I was sulking and had nothing better to do.

So, I got shit faced. It took quite a bit of alcohol and I had to drink it quickly enough that the buzz I had didn't die. It wasn't the most mature decision I had made, but in that moment I didn't give a shit. She was off with her perfect best friend and I was sitting alone in a hotel room wishing she were here.

I didn't know how long I had sat in that room drinking, probably hours before someone had knocked on the door. Too drunk to even think about what I was doing fully, I just opened the door not bothering to check who it was. I don't like to think about that night beyond the point where Amber barged in. I had betrayed not only Tora but myself when I had slept with her step-sister. Now most of the Pack barely tolerated coming to meetings, children ran away from Amber and adults tried to avoid her at all costs. She had screwed up two of my meetings with other Alphas and had managed to cause the Alpha of the Red Lake Pack to break our contract due to her ignorance and disrespect.

The world seemed to be at odds with the mating between me and Amber and I would've agreed with them had it not been for the fact that she was carrying my child. In fact, it was one of the only reasons I had even fully mated her. The other reason? She had sunk low enough to contact the Elders and they had ruled since she was already carrying the future of my Pack that she would be Luna. I wasn't going to go against their decree.

So, during the leg last of my monthly visits before returning home I had rounded her up, marked her and hauled her home. She was three months along at that point and was threatening to call the Elders and her family. I really had no other choice.

The moment we had arrived at her home she had shot me this victorious look. I suddenly knew everything I needed to in that moment.

This was all about Tora.

Either way, I was stuck now. So, I waited for her to go in first and followed moments later only to have Tora launch herself into my arms.

I can't describe how good it felt to have her hold me, even if I knew it was for the last time and that's when I realized I couldn't just hold her I gripped her loosely in order to keep her from falling but nothing more. It killed me on the inside to do this. I just wanted to hold her and carry her off and show her how much I had missed her. I wanted to tell her I loved her one more time before I broke her heart.

I wasn't being cocky in assuming that fact either because when she realized what was going on and released me from the bond, my heart broke too. I had just lost the one person I would have been able to count on for the rest of my life. And for what?

Nothing was worth hurting Tora, and yet I had.

And now I was suffering the consequences.

Tora was going through her Heat cycle and was being taken care of by Slater Leeland. He was almost inevitably going to father a child with her in the next three days.

I just sat at my desk, staring at the dark wood top. I could scarcely feel my wolf in the back of my mind attempting to tear down the wall that Tora had placed between us when she'd dissolved her mating. He couldn't accept the fact that she wasn't going to be with us. 

Tee was going to have a baby and I wasn't going to be the father.

She was going to touch someone who wasn't me, she was going to kiss someone who wasn't me. She was going to have sex with another male.

I knew how she felt somewhat, but at the same time, I didn't. She wasn't cheating. I did.

How could I have betrayed her trust?

Tora had been everything I had wanted in life.

"You're just now realizing how much you've lost, aren't you?"

It was Sean who asked this question, I didn't even have to look up to know it. I could tell he was satisfied by my obvious pain, but there was something else behind his words.

"I know what I've lost, Leeland." I hissed, running a hand roughly through my hair. "I wasn't thinking when I slept with Amber and now I'm stuck with her when all I want is my mate."

His laugh echoed through the room at this and I flinched, feeling like I'd been hit. He didn't have to rub it in. I knew exactly what I had lost. I knew how stupid I was.

"You know the funny thing is? You're just now realizing this. When Tora's been crying since the day you came home. She cries in her sleep, she cries when someone mentions your name. You can't offer her a glass of sweet tea without her tearing up because she hears the nickname you gave her." The anger in his voice had me concerned. I knew that he had a hold on his inner beast, but when it came to loved ones I knew that he didn't play around at all. I'd seen his handiwork my last year in high school. Some kid thought that they could pick on Slater and shove him around and Sean would take none of that. The kids had a broken nose, a black eye and a broken ribs. I knew I was no match for him. "The worst part of all of it, Nate, is listening to her cry when she thinks she's alone and hearing her tell herself that she isn't good enough. She believes that's why you screwed her step-sister."

I didn't know what to say. How could she think she wasn't good enough for me? She was perfect.

"The truth is that you're not good enough. You never were and you never will be. " With that, Sean sent me a look that was a clear warning before turning to leave.