✰SMILE✰ sturniolos

skin & bone ~ 2

it's monday morning and all i see is the thick big skin when i look in the mirror. my mom walks in my room without knocking so i immediately turn.
"mom!" i say upset that she didn't knock.
"shut it i gave birth to you" she stops in the doorway and leans against the doorframe.
"jesus luna i can see your ribs. please go eat something" she says
"mom i'm fine i'm not hungry" i mumble
"luna you havnt eaten in 5 days you need to. it's not a fucking option"
i sigh and do what she says.

she follows me down the stairs and i sit at the counter.
"eggs?" she asks me
"gross no"
"avocado toast?"
"unh-uh"
"muffins?"
"no.."
"come on. you need to put something in your belly."
"fine muffins." i mumble.
she looks at me and sighs, then walks over and hugs me from behind.

"this isn't healthy baby. what's going on that's making you starve yourself? why won't you talk to me?"
i get a sickening feeling in my stomach.
"it's nothing mom i'm fine"
"luna.."
"please stop."
"i'm just worried about you"
"mom"
"if it's that bad that you aren't eating you need to talk to someone"
"mom!" i yell.
the pit in my stomach deepens.
"ok.. go get ready for school while i get them ready for you." she says softly.

i get up from my seat and walk upstairs feeling bad. i get clothes on, sweat pants and a crop top, then wash my face and brush my teeth.
i avoid looking in the mirror at all costs. i don't want to see myself anymore than i have to. i don't put any makeup on but spray perfume and put my hair in a low messy bun.
when i'm ready i go downstairs and grab a muffin from the table. i take a bite and get my bag from the floor. i'm about to leave but my mom stops me by telling me,

"i need to watch you finish that"
"what mom? why?"
"because i don't trust that you'll actually eat it"
i roll my eyes and shove the rest of the muffin in my mouth knowing that i'm already late for school. i get in my truck and head off to school.

when i walk in i see adriana and she walks over to me.
"damn girl you've gotten really skinny"
"..i have?" i ask.
"did you eat like at all in the past week?"
"not really no"
"jesus luna. why not?"
i shrug. "i wasn't hungry"
she sighs, i understanding i don't want to talk about it. when i'm done putting my stuff in my locker we walk to hers.

"so i'm hanging out with friends later today"
"oh cool, who?"
"nick matt and chris"
"what?"
"the triplets dumbass"
"oh ha. forgot."
"anywayyy you should come with. you'd get along with them pretty well"

i think about it for a second but my mind goes to 'the last time you were at someone else's house you got raped by your boyfriend'
"oh.. uhm, yeah maybe"
"oooo maybe you can bring connor too"
my eyes widen

"i think he's busy" i say instantly.
i probably won't even go.. i just want to go home honestly. i look down to the floor and pull my shirt down. i feel so fat.

"oh. well he's a dick anyway."
she shuts he locker and turns to face me.
"think about it okay? and please eat something luma. i'm worried about you." i nod and she hugs me.
"see you in chem" she says and walks away.
i walk to the bathroom and lock myself in the bathroom stall. i notice something shiny on the ground so i look down to see a paper clip. why the fuck would there be a paper clip in the bathroom? i pick it up and untwist it. i touch the pointy end to realize that it's really sharp. i keep playing with it like it's a toy for a few minutes when i hear some girls walk into to bathroom.
"yo i just heard connor tell zach that he finally fucked luna" one of the girls says.
"wait luna quinn? i thought he was dating lily"
"me too but i turns out he just was messing with her. that luna girl and connor have been dating for like almost a year"
"i've never even heard of a luna" another girl says
"yeah i mean i've seen her but she's like really annoying. did you see her outfit at the party the other night? she looked so fucking bad."
"girl needs to find a looser shirt, nobody wants to see that flubber hangin around ya know?"
they laugh.
"OMG ryan just asked me to come to his locker"
"bitch what? let's go!"
i hear the door open then shut, and it's silent.

wow. so connor was cheating on me, he's telling people he 'finally' fucked me, people are talking about me and saying i'm fat.

my hands start shaking because they do that when i get anxious. i feel like i have no self control right now. the paper clip drops from my hand and clangs on the ground. i really fucking hate myself right now.
i get an idea that scares me at first but i don't really care.

i pick up the unfolded paper clip and palm it in my hand with my thumb holding down a tip of it. i take my other arm and lift it so my forearm is facing up. i slowly push down the tip of the paper clip into my forearm applying a lot of pressure, and drag it down to my wrist.. drawing blood.
holy shit that felt good. i want more.
i do it again, causing more blood to show through my arm.
and again, and again.

there are four long lines from my inside elbow to my wrist on my left arm. i don't really care that people can see it. i put the paper clip in my pocket when the bell rings and exit the bathroom to go to my first class after i wipe the blood from my arm with a paper towel.