Final Fantasy VII: Reflections - Book 2: Ascent

THIRTEEN

It was worse. Far worse.

Fire was everywhere, buildings burning like torches as smoke filled the night sky and mixed with the mako smog that always lay above the city, and to our right, the blackened husk of the reactor was a shattered husk ruin smoldering from the explosion. We stood together in a small courtyard about ten feet or so below street level, and a set of stairs rose up to the road nearby. Bits of debris and shards of broken glass covered the ground, and the wail of sirens filled the air.

My god, what have I done!?

"No..." I breathed aloud. "It can't be..."

Rubble littered the nearby street, and the steel girders of the closest buildings were torn and twisted. But how could that be? The blast from the bomb should never have gone past the reactor, let alone wrecked so much havoc and caused so much devastation. My blood ran cold at the sight of it. Had I miscalculated somehow? As I stood there, my eyes on the nightmarish sight around me, I could almost hear Scarlet laughing in my mind, delighted at what I'd caused.

Well done, Jessica! Very impressive indeed!

My hands clenched into fists at my sides almost on their own, and it was all I could do to keep from trembling. I stared at the inferno, not wanting to believe what I'd done, but I couldn't deny it. All this was my fault. Without a doubt. How many people had I hurt? How many had I killed? I had finally become exactly what Scarlet had wanted me to be, an agent of death and destruction. I'd left Shinra, but not my past. And she'd won in the end. I felt like throwing up.

"Was this... really us?" Biggs stared at the devasation.

Wedge sighed and shook his head. "I... I don't know... but what if it was? I didn't think it would be like this..."

"What's done is done," Cloud said, his eyes meeting mine.

"The merc's right," Barret nodded. "I know you're all worried. This a tough path we on. But I'm here for ya! Whatever your problem, I got ya covered. We in this together, right to the end."

Although Biggs and Wedge relaxed a bit, I couldn't. The aftermath of what I'd done was all around me, everywhere I looked. I hated it and was starting to hate myself as well. The others would worry if they saw I was upset, though, so I slipped on a cheerful mask and gave them one of my most confident grins. Barret, Biggs, and Wedge all bought it, but Cloud didn't look quite as convinced. I wasn't surprised, but in a way, it made me feel a little better. I didn't have to pretend so much with him. I just hoped I could convince him to stay with us.

"So what now, boss?" Biggs asked.

Barret pumped the fist of his good hand. "Let's get our asses home! Make for the station, but split up. We'll meet on the train. Cargo car in the back. Now get goin', all of ya! An' stay safe!"

Me, Biggs, and Wedge all gave him a thumbs up. "Copy that!"

Then the three of us raced up the nearby stairs and hurried around the corner. But while Biggs and Wedge made their way into the street, I decided to wait for Cloud. I leaned casually against a nearby wall along the road not far from the top of the stairs, my thoughts troubled as my eyes lingered on the damaged plaza in front of me. People milled about back and forth or stood together amidst all the rubble while small fires burned here and there and emergency announcements played over the loudspeakers that had been set up in the area.

A minute or two later, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, but it wasn't Cloud. They were a little too heavy for him. Barret stomped out onto the street, nodded to me, and I nodded back. Then he headed off to my right down the road in the same direction Biggs and Wedge had gone. After a moment, when I did hear Cloud, I took the green materia orb I'd found in the reactor out of my belt pouch and held it as an idea came to mind. He'd saved me again back there—twice, actually—and I wanted him to know how much it meant to me.