Little One (Will Riker Agere Story)

Ch 16

Being alone in his quarters felt wrong somehow. Too quiet and too loud all at once. Will wasn't entirely certain what he wanted.

He wanted to go see Deanna but she didn't want to see him. That much was clear. And he didn't want to intrude.

She had shut him out. He couldn't feel her as he could on most days. Even if it wasn't as strong as how she felt him, he could always feel something, her presence at least. But now it was nothing. And for the time being he would give her the space she had silently requested from him.

Will was pulled from his thoughts when a chime came from the door. He called for whoever it was to enter and Data walked through the door.

"Is there something I can do for you, Data?" Will asked.

"I simply wished to know how you are doing." Data said, "It is to my knowledge that the presence of the simbiot may have effected your mental and emotional well-being as well as the physical.

"I'm alright." He smiled but he couldn't make it last, "Actually, I'm not sure."

"Are you experiencing a regression?" Data asked.

'Will had to pause and think, was he? He didn't exactly feel small. Over stimulated, sure. Kinda fuzzy and confused. Not exactly small. But also, not exactly big either.

"I think? I don't know, it's confusing sometimes." Will shrugged.

"I could call for Counselor Troi." Data suggested, preparing to tap his combadge.

"Could you stay?" Will asked, grabbing the android's hand, "I think- Maybe it's be better if Deanna didn't come this time." He dropped his gaze, "But I don't know if I want to be alone.

"Of course." Data nodded, "What do you need me to be doing?"

Will shrugged. He wasn't sure how to ask for the things Deanna typically would have provided for him, or if he needed them now. Maybe all he needed was to not be alone.

"Just stay, please."

Data nodded again and sat down. If it were anyone else Will might have said it was unsure and nervous.

"Do you require anything?" Data asked.

"Juice?" Will asked.

Data stood again, "Do you require a bottle or a similar drinking aid?"

"Deanna usually gets it in a sippy cup." Will let a small smile cross his face.

Data was comforting, in a way that was very different from Deanna, but still helped Will feel safe.

Will could remember how scary it used to be, being not quite regressed but not quite big, stuck in the strange in between. How scary it used to be regressing at all, before he knew what to call it, after he left Betazed.

Suddenly, it didn't feel quite so scary anymore.

***

Will was the one to seek her out. He missed her and he needed her. But something was wrong. She didn't want to see him. It seemed like she couldn't.

"I come bearing gifts." Will said, lifting the mug of hot chocolate.

Deanna sighed, "Will-"

"It's real, not replicated, well, a much as I could get. I picked up some ingredients when we were planetside today. Did you know that Perchon has a plant almost identical to the cocoa bean. Tastes exactly the same from what I hear." He smiled.

"Thank you." Deanna accepted the mug and gestured for Will to enter.

Will kept his usual charming smile and accepted her invitation. He made himself comfortable on her couch the way he had hundreds of times before. He decided to ignore the tension that hung in the air, he had come to cut it anyhow.

"You've been avoiding me." Will said as Deanna took a seat next to him.

Deanna set the mug down, and he could feel her again. That much was more than enough to ease some of his own distress, but the pressure was still buildmng in her and he would not stand for it. He could feel the weight she had been carrying in the days since Odan had departed. She needed to talk.

"Will, there is something you should know about Odan and Beverly." Deanna started.

Will silently offered up his hand. Deanna only pulled herself away. And for a moment he feared she might close herself off once again.

"It hurt you for them to pursue their relationship while Odan was a part of you. And I had encouraged it." Her words were strained as she tried not to cry.

"You didn't know." Will said.

"But I encouraged Beverly to act on her feelings. She never would have pursued him, you, if I hadn't."

"But you didn't know that I would remember. None of us did."

"Regardless of what we knew, you got hurt, Will."

"You shouldn't beating yourself up over it." Will said, reaching a hand out to her shoulder and waiting for her to accept the touch.

Deanna stood from the couch, "I should have sensed that you were aware-"

By the time she had turned around to face him, he was already standing beside her, "But I wasn't. Not really. Deanna, it's too complicated of a situation. We didn't know what I would remember, how it could effect my body. No one is to blame here."

"That isn't the point."

"When you're trying to blame yourself, it is." He reached out for her soulder and she pressed into his touch ever so slightly, "Come here." He whispered.

Deanna stepped closer until she was standing directly in front of him and he wrapped his arms around her. She leaned her head into him and his chest tightened as he felt her tears fall against his shirt.

I'm sorry, Imzadi.

She could feel no ill will from him, but all the same the idea of what happened at her own encouragement made her feel sick to her stomach.

There's nothing for you to apologize for.

She could feel his lip pressing gently on the top of her head. And Will held her. He held her while she cried. He couldn't count the times that she had apologized. But really neither could she.

"Are you going to talk to Dr. Lee?" Deann asked, sniffling.

Will looked down at her and smiled, "I'm afraid of what you might do to me if I don't." She didn't laugh, not this time, "I will talk to Dr. Lee. And you should talk to someone too."

"And Beverly? You cannot continue tiptoeing around each other." Deanna said.

"Because you have so much room to talk." Will teased and he kissed her head again, "I don't know that I'm ready for that conversation yet."

***

Nothing had happened. Neither of them were ready for that. But they were in Deanna's bed, Will's arms wrapped around her securely.

Data told me that you asked him to stay with you while you were regressed.

Yeah. He's not a bad babysitter.

I'm sorry I wasn't there.

Will kissed the back of her neck, "This isn't just about what I need, Deanna. You are allowed to focus on taking care of yourself. And-" He kissed her again, You're allowed to let me take care of you.