My Little Shadow

Chapter Six: Mine

"Everyone gets a partner." Mrs. Sandra stands up and her patients follow. "We'll call it the buddy system, so no one gets lost or wanders off."

Her superiors came up with the idea that getting outside would help open us up to talk, so now we do our meetings in the large fenced-in yard. I didn't mind after all sunlight came in rare doses around here and I liked to soak it up whenever they allowed.

May walk across the room and positions herself behind me. I guess my meltdown didn't scare her away, I'm surprised considering I told her I was going to suck the light out of her. Maybe she was crazier than I thought, and she was drawn to things that could hurt her.

If I was in her white mental health slippers I would have run as far as I could. I peek down at her through hooded lids, she was a good bit shorter than me so I could see the top of her head, the top side of her long thick eyelashes, and could look down her straight small nose.

"You aren't running from me yet?" I ask in a whisper so that everyone else couldn't hear.

She glances up at me. She places her hand over her heart and then places her other palm over mine. My body heats at her soft touch. I place my hand over hers, running my index finger over her cool skin, savoring her shivers.

I know what she's trying to tell me, but I refuse to believe it. Her pain calls to mine.

No one knows this pain festering inside of me, no one knows how serious it is. How out of control this hysteria makes me.

The thought reminds me of the book that I've read half of, I planned to gift it to May but it's taking me a little longer to read it than I bargained for. It's about a woman that controls the weather with her emotions, and I've just got to the part where she's started struggling with keeping them in control. I understand why Dr. Wilson gave it to me now, he sees a resemblance between the main character and myself.

"We're not the same," I say to her before removing her hand from my chest. The things she's been through are something I never want to imagine, but everyone's pain is their own and I'll never understand how she feels on the inside just like she'll never understand the war my brain is waging on itself.

It's not the same.

I turn to walk out the door seeing as only a few people are left inside, but she grabs my wrist and spins me around. Her eyes are scolding, and she pokes my chest roughly. I can't help but smile down at the ball of sunshine turning into a ball of flame as she gets riled up. Her cheeks grow to that shade of red I love, and I can't help but run my knuckle over the heated skin.

Her angry face falls and she looks perplexed as I approach the door and walk out.

She follows shortly after, and we catch up to the rest of the group.

"Now that everyone is here. I want each group to bring me something that they find beautiful." The yard was fenced in, so the nurses didn't have to worry about the patients running away. The thick green grass was slightly overgrown probably hiding all kinds of bugs under it. What would Mrs. Sandra do if one of her group members brings her back a spider?

It's hard for me not to find humor in these group meetings because they seem so pointless to me, talking about my feelings with a group of strangers isn't going to cure this hole inside of my chest. It's not going to do anything but let the beast loose and I'll end up with bloody knuckles because there is no one around here for me to take my anger out on other than myself.

May grabs onto my fingers, her hand so small in mine. She tugs me along with her and I struggle to keep up. I spot a couple of the nurses smiling to themselves at May's brazen show of trust. Once she gets a good distance away from everyone, she starts looking around for something that she finds beautiful. I would lie if I said I wasn't curious about what she was going to pick.